Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

A teacher had to drive me home so I could get a fresh pair of pants.

bet mom wasn't impressed ( am assuming it was during your high school years?)

 

[davenn]

punctuation is important

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 224996

Also, really big hands.

 

[256bits]

Is it true that, in school chemistry lessons, if you can't achieve a solution you will get a suspension?

In the lab, the actions of some students do seem to precipitate a suspension.

 

[DrClaude]

Is it true that, in school chemistry lessons, if you can't achieve a solution you will get a suspension?

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

 

[fresh_42]

This can go directly onto a t-shirt:

... unfortunately I've found
https://www.redbubble.com/people/mu...oure-part-of-the-precipitate?p=drawstring-bag
...

 

[DrClaude]

... unfortunately I've found

I never claimed I was original

 

[fresh_42]

I never claimed I was original

Yeah, I was just disappointed to lose the opportunity I'm always on the hunt to see some money for PF.

 

[jtbell]

What do you call it when Huey, Dewey, Louie and Donald are kidnapped by extraterrestrials?

An alien abducktion.

 

[jtbell]

bet mom wasn't impressed ( am assuming it was during your high school years?)

No and yes.

 

[Ibix]

What do you call it when Huey, Dewey, Louie and Donald are kidnapped by extraterrestrials?

An alien abducktion.

And when they take Marvin the Martian too? An alien abduction...

 

[jtbell]

And if Huey et al. took Marvin... it would be an alien abducktion again!

 

[davenn]

another bad grammar example

Don't think I would want to eat at that place

 

[fresh_42]

The teacher said, he doesn't want to see always the same fingers in the air, so I raised my middle finger. Also wrong.

 

[Ibix]

Don't think I would want to eat at that place

Doesn't sound very friendly, does it? I bet their customers are pretty rare.

 

[Ibix]

The teacher said, he doesn't want to see always the same fingers in the air, so I raised my middle finger. Also wrong.

My sister lives near a "request" train stop. According to the notice on the platform you must "make an appropriate gesture to the driver" to get the train to stop. I have a suspicion that a lot of people made the same "mistake" fresh is joking about...

 

[fresh_42]

My sister lives near a "request" train stop. According to the notice on the platform you must "make an appropriate gesture to the driver" to get the train to stop. I have a suspicion that a lot of people made the same "mistake" fresh is joking about...

Very likely by those, who tried to get off the train, while it didn't stop!

 

[jtbell]

What do you call it when a doctor with dubious credentials slams his car into a truck carrying a load of ducks?

A total quackup.

 

[fresh_42]

"It's really nice here. I'll take the apartment!"

"We're in a wine cellar!"

"I'll take the apartment!"

 

[Bandersnatch]

What's the difference between Batman and (Jesus)?

Spoiler

Batman has no parens.

 

[Mark44]

A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender sees him, and says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here!"

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard about the new James Bond movie? An old nemesis returns, this time terrorizing the world with flocks of tiny angry birds with poison-tipped beaks.

It's called "Goldfinches".

 

[jtbell]

Don't think I would want to eat at that place

At least don't take your grandmother there. Someone might drop a comma and say "Let's eat Granny!"

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

Doyouthinkitsaurus.

 

[Ibix]

What's red and doesn't fit down a rabbit hole?

A fire engine.

 

[Mark44]

Why can't you write with a broken pencil??

Spoiler

Because it's pointless.

 

[Mark44]

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A dinosaur. It already has one eye (one 'i').
What would you call a dinosaur with two eyes?
A diinosaur.

Doyouthinkitsaurus.

This one is a bit too obscure for me.

 

[Bandersnatch]

This one is a bit too obscure for me.

A variation on the one-eyed snake, perhaps?

 

[fresh_42]

This one is a bit too obscure for me.

Maybe him?

 

[Mark44]

Maybe him?

Looks like I'm not the only one who didn't get the joke.

 

[256bits]

Do you think it Bucksaw us?
( I can't give it all away )

 

[Mark44]

Do you think it Bucksaw us?
( I can't give it all away )

OK, got it now...

 

[jtbell]

What is Bigfoot's favorite vegetable?

Sasquash.

 

[Ibix]

What's round and dangerous?

A vicious circle.