What is it with guys my age?

[jackmell]

Why is this thread still going on. Ask a guy out to lunch. Done.

If this was a guy having problems with girls, everyone would have just been like "ask the girl out. done". Done! Girls should have to play the same annoying games guys have to.

I disagree. It's not the same with girls. You ask him out and he'll think he has you. Without any work even! I mean great, she's askin' me out. That'll be easy I bet. She likes me and will probably give it up easily. No prob-lem-mo. I like them kind. I believe girls have to worry about that sort of thing all the time and I think that's the main reason they don't ask guys out much.

 

[Astronuc]

I disagree. It's not the same with girls. You ask him out and he'll think he has you. Without any work even! I mean great, she's askin' me out. That'll be easy I bet. She likes me and will probably give it up easily. No prob-lem-mo. I like them kind. I believe girls have to worry about that sort of thing all the time and I think that's the main reason they don't ask guys out much.

Hmmm - that was never my expectation. When I was 19, a girl (sister of a friend) called me up and asked if I would come over. I did, and shortly afterward, we started dating, but that lasted about 4 months. We were rather different in the things we liked, so we went separate ways.

She also told me she was taking birth control pills, but I didn't pursue that, which might be one reason we parted ways.

 

[jackmell]

Hmmm - that was never my expectation. When I was 19, a girl (sister of a friend) called me up and asked if I would come over. I did, and shortly afterward, we started dating, but that lasted about 4 months. We were rather different in the things we liked, so we went separate ways.

She also told me she was taking birth control pills, but I didn't pursue that, which might be one reason we parted ways.

Astronuc . . . I've read a number of your post and you strike me as a gentleman and a scholar. Seriously. So I am not a bit surprised you would say that which I think is admirable as I would find it disrespectful to a woman to just use her for sex although I am a guy and well, I could get weak and all and drop the morals at least a few times anyway.

However I think you're the exception as I believe a lot of guys would interpret her forwardness in asking him out as a sign that she'll give it up easily and I think she believes this and that is why females do not often ask guys out.

 

[Astronuc]

However I think you're the exception as I believe a lot of guys would interpret her forwardness in asking him out as a sign that she'll give it up easily and I think she believes this and that is why females do not often ask guys out.

Actually, she wanted some company. Her mom was in hospital for tests and she was upset. I spent some time with her, and the dating started later.

Her brother was a friend, and I had helped him help her to move earlier that year.

I've never taken advantage of anyone, and never will.


Besides, I considered every woman I dated as a potential wife. For me, it was a matter of finding the right woman.

 

[Pengwuino]

However I think you're the exception as I believe a lot of guys would interpret her forwardness in asking him out as a sign that she'll give it up easily and I think she believes this and that is why females do not often ask guys out.

This doesn't really jive with the guys she apparently can't get to notice her though. The type of guys who would see a girl asking them out as "man i so want in your pants" are probably not the type of guy to have basically ignored her "advances" so far at this point.

 

[jackmell]

This doesn't really jive with the guys she apparently can't get to notice her though. The type of guys who would see a girl asking them out as "man i so want in your pants" are probably not the type of guy to have basically ignored her "advances" so far at this point.

Well, I think in general the guys are shy and introverted and also it depends on how nice she looks. Pretty girl hits on an available guy, he'll take interest most often I think.

 

[raw]

If that's you in your profile pic, I'd just pull a move like that in front of them. Demonstrate your 'flexibility' so to speak. :tongue2:

Yeah that is me in my profile pic. I'm actually not that felxible. Who under the age of 35 in a normal weight range can't do that?

 

[JaredJames]

Yeah that is me in my profile pic. I'm actually not that felxible. Who under the age of 35 in a normal weight range can't do that?

Me. I'm a dude. Bending like that just ain't part of my repetoire.

 

[Physics-Learner]

that is reasonably flexible. i go to the gym daily. i don't think the average girl can do that. certainly not the average guy.

as far as "being creepy", i wouldn't place an age on it. rather look at the guy, and the life left in him. unless he is a one of a kind, 80 is going to be too old. but not necessarily true of someone in their 40s or 50s.

some situations are uniquely different.

 

[Topher925]

Why is this thread still going on. Ask a guy out to lunch. Done.

If this was a guy having problems with girls, everyone would have just been like "ask the girl out. done". Done! Girls should have to play the same annoying games guys have to.

Ahmen, brother!

 

[Chronos]

80 would work for me if the money ]and the will] was right - how long could the old buzzard live?. Seriously, its just a testosterone thing. Most gals are oblivious to 'hits' by old guys because it happens so often they have become immune. You just mumble something polite and move on. Most young guys are on guard because they are looking for the 'right' girl. So, you must be clever. It is easier if you are willing to settle for a moron looking for the second coming of 'mommy' - don't be that girl.

 

[Pengwuino]

Yeah that is me in my profile pic. I'm actually not that felxible. Who under the age of 35 in a normal weight range can't do that?

I'm pretty sure I'd go into cardiac arrest.

But maybe that would be the grading catching up to me.

Wait, are you walking up to people in that pose? Actually that should have the opposite effect...

 

[raw]

Haha glad I am flexible compared to someone...you guys make me feel good. In my yoga class I am one of the least flexible, it's embarrassing some time.

 

[Dembadon]

Haha glad I am flexible compared to someone...you guys make me feel good. In my yoga class I am one of the least flexible, it's embarrassing some time.

You're not that flexible? What's your basis for comparison?

Are these women in your class?

 

[DanP]

You're not that flexible? What's your basis for comparison?

Are these women in your class?

Common Dembadon. A gymnast bridge ? Anyone should be able to do that. Regardless of age.

 

[Dembadon]

Common Dembadon. A gymnast bridge ? Anyone should be able to do that. Regardless of age.

:rofl: I might be able to with some practice, but I haven't been that flexible since I was much younger, when I was in karate.

 

[DanP]

:rofl: I might be able to with some practice, but I haven't been that flexible since I was much younger, when I was in karate.

Try it from the floor ? I bet you will succeed, even if it will take several attempts.

 

[Dembadon]

Try it from the floor ? I bet you will succeed, even if it will take several attempts.

I've been in some interesting positions while (rock) climbing. They've required more muscle endurance than flexibility, though. I'm sure if I started stretching again on a regular basis it wouldn't take me long to "go back in time."

 

[lisab]

Try it from the floor ? I bet you will succeed, even if it will take several attempts.

Before you try it, Dembadon, get 911 on speed dial and keep your phone handy.

 

[Galteeth]

Just going to insert my opinion here on something slightly off topic.
As a 20 year old, you are in your sexual prime. 40 year old men and such who find you attractive are merely following their sexual instincts. There is nothing creepy about this. Since these men are not in their sexual prime, it is not surprising that you would not be attracted to them.
I guess my point is, try to take it as flattery. If you make it clear you're not interested and they persist (which unfortunately, I'm sure happens) then yes, that is creepy.

Just my two cents.

It' also useful to keep in mind that you will one day be "old" too.

 

[raw]

Just going to insert my opinion here on something slightly off topic.
As a 20 year old, you are in your sexual prime. 40 year old men and such who find you attractive are merely following their sexual instincts. There is nothing creepy about this. Since these men are not in their sexual prime, it is not surprising that you would not be attracted to them.
I guess my point is, try to take it as flattery. If you make it clear you're not interested and they persist (which unfortunately, I'm sure happens) then yes, that is creepy.

Just my two cents.

It' also useful to keep in mind that you will one day be "old" too.

It's not that I find them creepy because they're old and unattractive. Even if a guy were old and attractive I wouldn't be interested. I'm interested in guys who like me for my personality, not just my looks. There needs to be some sort of non-physical basis for a relationship as well. A 40+ year old guy should not have enough in common with a 20 year old girl to have any kind of relationship beyond physical. If he does then he hasn't grown up and probably never will. Sure, younger guys might want me only because of my looks but I know with the older men that it's for certain when they hit on me. My bother, who is 22, even didn't approve of a 28 year old guy dating his 21 year old friend because in his opinion they were just at different stages of their life (He already had a career while she was still in school). When a guy is 45 and the woman is 35 then it's a different story, but age gaps at my age usually result in big maturity gaps between partners.

 

[Physics-Learner]

i think you are making way too many assumptions.

i think that a younger guy is more apt to like you just for your looks and sex.

and an older guy might have various reasons for liking you. he is more mature, so physical is not his only goal any more. don't you know that men only become people when they hit 30 ? LOL.

two people do not have to be in the same stage of life, necessarily, to fall in love with one another.

keep an open mind with each man you meet. how much life does he have in him ? it doesn't hurt to take the time to find out who he really is.

there is one EXTREMELY EASY SOLUTION to the physical situation. simply don't have sex with the men you date. the ones who like you for other reasons will hang on. those who dont, will be gone in no time flat.

and my bet is the younger ones will be the ones who move on the fastest.

btw, maturity gaps are also not necessarily a bad thing. what is it about this gap that you feel causes a problem ? the thing that you think is a problem, may turn out to be a big plus for you, instead.

 

[DanP]

I'm interested in guys who like me for my personality, not just my looks. There needs to be some sort of non-physical basis for a relationship as well. A 40+ year old guy should not have enough in common with a 20 year old girl to have any kind of relationship beyond physical.

Well, take it this way. At first sight, what a man see is your looks, cues about your hygiene (how neat are your nail and teeth for example, how your hair is taken care off ...), and some cues about your personality from the way you dress , move and talk for the first exchanged words. And those first words say a lot about how you socially report yourself and how open you are. And psychologically, first impressions last.

Then over several dates, and she(he) may become even more attractive, if you hit it on and its a match , a bit less, or may become a no / no.

The bottom line is, don't feel bad if a man wants to date you because the way you look. Physical attraction is a very meaningful predictor whatever you even get a first / second date. Its only natural, and anyway during the next several dates you will see more about each other, and you can always stop it if you don't hit it off.

I don't say whatever you should or not date men 20 years your senior. That is your choice, and yours alone. Some of those man are still extremely versatile, and if you feel attraction , you might want to give it a chance. You may end surprised. And remember that you can stop it at any time , before entering a more close relationship.

 

[DanP]

there is one EXTREMELY EASY SOLUTION to the physical situation. simply don't have sex with the men you date. the ones who like you for other reasons will hang on. those who dont, will be gone in no time flat.

This is a bad advice, There is a time for everything in a relationship, and sexual intimacy is an essential part of a relation. As a women, if you hold back too much you can simply lose a guy who you do like a lot and he genuinely likes you and cares about you. Its not because man are all superficial, it's just the way things work. Same things happen to guy who think too much whatever she "is ready or not". Those things are simply expressed in exploring each other rather than endless thinking. Make up your mind about what you want, a friend or a boyfriend.

 

[Pengwuino]

This is a bad advice, There is a time for everything in a relationship, and sexual intimacy is an essential part of a relation. As a women, if you hold back too much you can simply lose a guy who you do like a lot and he genuinely likes you and cares about you. Its not because man are all superficial, it's just the way things work. Same things happen to guy who think too much whatever she "is ready or not". Those things are simply expressed in exploring each other rather than endless thinking. Make up your mind about what you want, a friend or a boyfriend.

I don't think you're thinking about the right time scales here. After a few weeks a guy who only wants the girl for sex will leave most of the time. A guy who isn't just in it for sex can wait. It's not like you're keeping sex out of the question for years on end.

 

[Astronuc]

It's not that I find them creepy because they're old and unattractive. Even if a guy were old and attractive I wouldn't be interested. I'm interested in guys who like me for my personality, not just my looks. There needs to be some sort of non-physical basis for a relationship as well. A 40+ year old guy should not have enough in common with a 20 year old girl to have any kind of relationship beyond physical. If he does then he hasn't grown up and probably never will. Sure, younger guys might want me only because of my looks but I know with the older men that it's for certain when they hit on me. My bother, who is 22, even didn't approve of a 28 year old guy dating his 21 year old friend because in his opinion they were just at different stages of their life (He already had a career while she was still in school). When a guy is 45 and the woman is 35 then it's a different story, but age gaps at my age usually result in big maturity gaps between partners.

So date younger guys. My wife is 6.5 years older than me. But I'm sure when she was 20 - 23, I would have been out of bounds.

 

[DanP]

I don't think you're thinking about the right time scales here. After a few weeks a guy who only wants the girl for sex will leave most of the time. A guy who isn't just in it for sex can wait. It's not like you're keeping sex out of the question for years on end.

Yes, I am thinking right time scales :P Sometimes there is pretty narrow window of opportunity to start a intimate relationship, especially in the cases when for both the women and the men in question there is competition. Its better to use it.

Im not saying to jump in bed at the first date either... but be smart :P And for the OP:

Dont expect a men to like you like a lover only for your personality. It's an unreasonable expectation. We want to be with "you", not with your personality. "You" meaning the way you look, the way you interact socially, the way you express your femininity, common points and so on. The total package is important when you choose a girlfriend from the girls which expressed interest in you. I might be your friend for your personality, but Ill never be your lover just for that.

DOnt be ashamed if you are hot and consider it a "superficial" trait. Your "looks" are part of who you are.

 

[raw]

So date younger guys. My wife is 6.5 years older than me. But I'm sure when she was 20 - 23, I would have been out of bounds.

Yeah, actually I had a crush on a guy 2 years younger than me. Cougar in training, lol.

 

[Astronuc]

Yeah, actually I had a crush on a guy 2 years younger than me. Cougar in training, lol.

Go for it. :tongue2: Most of the women I dated were older than me.

 

[Physics-Learner]

This is a bad advice, There is a time for everything in a relationship, and sexual intimacy is an essential part of a relation. As a women, if you hold back too much you can simply lose a guy who you do like a lot and he genuinely likes you and cares about you. Its not because man are all superficial, it's just the way things work. Same things happen to guy who think too much whatever she "is ready or not". Those things are simply expressed in exploring each other rather than endless thinking. Make up your mind about what you want, a friend or a boyfriend.

i think you may want to rephrase "sexual intimacy is an essential part of a relationship for YOU".

people have varying degrees of thought processes as when in a relationship sex is something that they want.

people have varying degrees of thought processes as what sex in a relationship means to them.

almost all girls remember who their first was. not nearly as true for guys.

people tend to react in the today, without thinking about the repercussions of tomorrow.

as people look backwards, and ask themselves are they glad they had sex with so and so, i suspect that the answer is usually no.

so might we, as people in society, be using the wrong decision making about when to have sex ?

my advice stands, as is. if a guy really loves you, he won't leave you due to absence of sex.

 

[DanP]

i think you may want to rephrase "sexual intimacy is an essential part of a relationship for YOU".

There is a great deal of evolutionary & social psychology involved in what we call "love".
Suffice to say, in a intimate relationship, psychological intimacy and sexual intimacy are a *required* part.

Otherwise, you have other kinds of relationships. With intimacy alone, you have friendship and nothing more. With intimacy and sexual intimacy , you have what is eloquently called by some "friends with benefits". Sexual intimacy alone, you pretty much have infatuations, where the only thing you care about is to throw each at the walls and do sex.

With intimacy, sexual intimacy and commitment, you have a fulfilling intimate relationship, pretty hard to build and maintain.

Other combinations do exist, and are expressed in different forms of social relationships.

But let us be very clear about one thing. Sexual intimacy absent, you have only a friendship relation. nothing more.

people have varying degrees of thought processes as when in a relationship sex is something that they want.

people have varying degrees of thought processes as what sex in a relationship means to them.

Sure they do. But they shouldn't think that they have anything more than a friendship in those stages. It's a normal friendship / liking social relation.

almost all girls remember who their first was. not nearly as true for guys.

Well, I for one wasn't so drunk not to remember her name :P

people tend to react in the today, without thinking about the repercussions of tomorrow.

Biased and unfounded assumption.

as people look backwards, and ask themselves are they glad they had sex with so and so, i suspect that the answer is usually no.

Actually, humans regret more things which they didnt do, then things they did.

so might we, as people in society, be using the wrong decision making about when to have sex ?

No we dont. We do the best we can, subject to some evolution and social constrains.

my advice stands, as is. if a guy really loves you, he won't leave you due to absence of sex.

He will. And many times she will. Some women are subject to high competition from many different men, you sometimes get a very narrow window to make things happen. She has options. Same for some men. Its not because he is a jerk, its because he has options. Sometimes they stay in each other life as friends, but that is. If the moment is there use it. If you really like that man or girl, and all is going well, don't artificially delay entering a true relationship and form a couple only for the sake of some stupid "test".

You'll figure it out eventually how is it with losing the moment :P

Not that it can't work with "wait with sex ", it can , especially with 2 ppl with very limited options, or at very young ages.

Like I said, decide what do you want after all. A friend or a girlfriend / boyfriend ? It;s very easy to start with all good intentions and end as a "friend"

 

[zomgwtf]

Pictures?

 

[Physics-Learner]

dan,

i have to chuckle about your mindset a bit. i don't mean that in a derogatory fashion.

but i suspect that you are relatively young - 35 or less.

your statement about "But let us be very clear about one thing. Sexual intimacy absent, you have only a friendship relation. nothing more." - may be clear to you. but once again, i need to chuckle at your mindset that sex is a requirement for love. it shows me that you don't have the foggiest idea of what love is.

your statement about people regretting things that they didnt do more than things that they did do MIGHT VERY WELL BE TRUE. however, it is no response to the scenario that i gave.

we may be doing what we think is the best that we can. but if we stop to examine our results, perhaps we are not ?

let me give you an example that you may relate to more quickly. like you, i am pretty big on keeping fit. i may think i am doing the best that i can on some particular topic, be it my weight, my strength, my flexibility, whatever. but when i look at my results, it may show that i am not accomplishing what someone else might be accomplishing with their program. now our bodies all have varying degrees of "success" possibilities, but if we are not attaining the success that we think we should, then no matter how much we think we are doing the best we can, our results demonstrate differently.

my advice stands, as is. if a guy loves you, he won't leave you due to absence of sex.

 

[DanP]

your statement about "But let us be very clear about one thing. Sexual intimacy absent, you have only a friendship relation. nothing more." - may be clear to you. but once again, i need to chuckle at your mindset that sex is a requirement for love. it shows me that you don't have the foggiest idea of what love is.

What is romantic love ? friendship+sexual intimacy+commitment :P You have a different opinion ? I am all ears.

Of course, you can love someone the way I love my brother, kin for me is very important, but if I report that kind of love to a 3rd party non-kin, it's really only a very deep friendly intimacy. It;s not the type of love I want to give my girlfriend :P

You are not the first one to tell me that I have no idea what love is, maybe you guys are right. Ill think at it one day in the next 15 years or so =)

 

[Pengwuino]

What is romantic love ? friendship+sexual intimacy+commitment :P You have a different opinion ? I am all ears.

What is your definition of "commitment"?