Collection of Lame Jokes

[DrGreg]

And if they had one more leg, they would have 010 of them.

That reminds me, it's the time of year to resurrect this joke.

Q: Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas?

A: Because

31 OCT = 25 DEC

 

[Ibix]

And if they had one more leg, they would have 010 of them.

Spoiler

This is pretty arcane, but some C programmers and web developers might get this...
Hint: $010 \ne 10$

Spoiler

010==0x08

 

[DrGreg]

Spoiler

010==0x08

Spoiler

true

 

[Ibix]

Spoiler

true

I saw a chatlog somewhere years ago. Someone asked "1 is true and 0 is false in C, right?" and got the response "1".

Feel free to work through the possible interpretations of that answer.

 

[DrGreg]

I saw a chatlog somewhere years ago. Someone asked "1 is true and 0 is false in C, right?" and got the response "1".

Feel free to work through the possible interpretations of that answer.

2B OR NOT 2B -- that is the question
TRUE -- that is the answer

 

[mfb]

25DEC is 155116 in decimal.

 

[collinsmark]

2B OR NOT 2B -- that is the question
TRUE -- that is the answer

Now that's a new t-shirt that I need!

Hmm, gussying it up a bit, maybe:

$$\begin{gather*} \mathrm{0x2b} \ | \ \mathrm{ \mathtt{ \sim} 0x2b} \\ \mathrm{that \ is \ the \ question} \\ \\ -1 \\ \mathrm{that \ is \ the \ answer} \end{gather*}$$

Edit: changed the answer from 255 to -1. The answer of 255 works for 8-bit, unsigned data types, but -1 is a correct answer for any fixed-point, signed data type including the evaluation of literals.

Another edit: Good grief, now that I've changed my answer, that answer is kind of profound and a little disturbing. I think I'll not order the t-shirt.

 

[jack action]

Now that's a new t-shirt that I need!

Which version?

Gamer (Because there are 2 versions of Persona 2):

Programmer (boolean):

Programmer (regex):

Bell boy:

Logic gate:

Beekeeper:

Writer's dilemma:

Too good to be forgotten (2G2B4G):

Sherlock Holmes:

Or the simplest international version:

 

[jtbell]

"Can I get an appointment with the doctor today? It's urgent... I'm shrinking!"

"I'll try to squeeze you in, but you might have to be a little patient."

 

[Mark44]

Someone asked "1 is true and 0 is false in C, right?"

That is so, but also 3 is true, and so is -8. In C, anything other than zero is considered true.

 

[Ibix]

That is so, but also 3 is true, and so is -8. In C, anything other than zero is considered true.

3 && -8

 

[mfb]

3 && -8 is true
3 & -8, on the other hand, is false.

 

[fresh_42]

I found out that "All cookies removed" sounds far better than "All cookies eaten".

 

[AlexCaledin]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I found out that "All cookies removed" sounds far better than "All cookies eaten".

Depends who ate them! ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I found out that "All cookies removed" sounds far better than "All cookies eaten".

Depends who ate them! ...

+ usually, while the first one is being done I do the second ... (... the cookie jar cannot "hide in the background"! ...)

 

[jtbell]

I seem to be having a run on doctor jokes this week...

Why did the doctor laugh when a patient arrived with a broken arm?

Because he considered it to be a humerus incident.

 

[Ibix]

A man runs into a doctor's office, tackles him to the ground, sits on him, and starts shouting "One! Two! Three! Four!"

The doctor manages to push him off and demands to know what he's doing. "But doctor!" says the man. "They said I could count on you!"

 

[256bits]

I seem to be having a run on doctor jokes this week...

Here's some more ... for you.

I went to the doctor the other day. He said to go to the window, make faces and pull my pants down. I said, And that's supposed to cure me. He said, No, I hate my neighbour.
Doctor, I haven't eaten in 3 days. He said, Wow, I wish I had that much willpower.

I told him, Doctor, I'm depressed. Everyone hates me. He said, Don't be ridiculous. You haven't met everybody.

I told him, Doctor, I need a second opinion. He said, Well then, OK, Your ugly.

No Doc, last week my wife and I were mugged, But he took one look at her and said, Sorry man, and ran off.
Now she talks dirty talk during sex. Why just last night she called from a motel.
Doc, I'm worried about my wife, we haven't had sex for a month. Doc says, What, you too.

I went back several weeks later after I broke my arm in two places. The doctor said to stay away from those places.

I tell you, I get no respect.
Rodney Dangerfield

 

[fresh_42]

When I recently asked a doctor if he ever had a relationship with a patient, he immediately knocked me down. No humor these coroners.

Doctor: "You have only 10 left to live."
Me: "10 what? Years? Months?
Doctor: "9."

I have male flu. And my friend sends me alone to the doctor instead of ordering a priest to the bed. Heartless ...!

 

[collinsmark]

... Late one autumn evening a man barges into the dentist's office flailing his arms and screaming, "Doc! Doc, ya' got to help me, I think I'm a fly!"
..."A fly?" asked the dentist. "Um, I think you should see a psychiatrist. I'm a dentist."
..."I know! I know, I saw the dentist sign in your window!" the man quickly shouted.
...The dentist shrugged, "Well, then why did you come in here?"
..."The light was on!"

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

If your taller than your mum .. does that make her a minimum??

 

[davenn]

If your wrong and you remain silent your wise.
If your right and you remain silent your married

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 216916

In any case I always dream about eating them

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Mr Smith gets his annual physical medical check-up done, when the doctor realizes that he has to give him the bad news (terminally ill!). So he invites Mr Smith in and gets right to the point.
(Doc:) Mr Smith, I am sorry, you're dying.
(Smith:) How long doc?
(Doc:) About a month.
(Smith:) Gee! Doc is there anything I or you can do to live longer?
(Doc:) I'm sorry, unfortunately no, unless ...
(Smith:) Unless what doc?
(Doc:) Never mind, I'm sure it's not a good idea, it's nothing easy for you to do.
(Smith:) But doc I will do anything to live longer! Tell me.
(Doc:) Ok then, here we go ...
1.) Do you smoke Mr Smith?
(Smith:) Yes doc I do.
(Doc:) Ok you quit that!
(Smith:) Ok doc, I will! ...
2.) (Doc:) Do you like and eat fat, sugar, salt, tasty food etc. Mr Smith?
(Smith:) Yes doc of course!
(Doc:) Then you quit all that!
(Smith:) But doc! ... Ok I will try.
3.) (Doc:) Do you drink Mr Smth?
(Smith:) Yes doc I do.
(Doc:) Then you quit that too!
(Smith:) Ok doc, in order to live longer ...
4.) (Doc:) Do you like women Mr Smth?
(Smith:) Yes doc of course!
(Doc:) You quit women too!
(Smith:) But doc!? ... Ok I will.
5.) ...
... ... (Quitting everything he likes etc. ...)

(Smith:) But doc, ... tell me. If I quit all that, will I live longer?
(Doc:) No! but it will feel longer! ...

 

[davenn]

some Christmas comedy ...

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?

Nine weeks later she had a litter of mittens.

 

[stoomart]

What did pepper write in his holiday card to salt?

Seasons Greetings

 

[OCR]

some Christmas comedy ...

^{Ho ho ho!}


[Ref]

 

[jtbell]

The neighborhood cats are planning a fabulous Christmas dinner:

4 calling birds
3 French hens
2 turtledoves
and a partridge in a pear tree

Meowy Christmas!

 

[AlexCaledin]

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

When the man is alone, he likewise hangs from the ceiling.

The boss comes and says, "Now what's the matter?"

The man replies, "I want to go home too! I can't work in the dark."

 

[256bits]

A short American tale.

What did Tenna see??
Same thing that Arkan saw,
The drove Okla homa,
While Miisis sippi her tonic,
Wondering "What did Dela ware?" to the New Year's ball,
for Tex ax the tree,
so Mon tanna under the sun,
the crash so great that Flo rida her house of mice,
Nev ada all the little scurrying varmints,
but Massa chu setts, yuke that's gross,
cuz the cow needs a New York to pull the plow.

 

[fresh_42]

A short American tale.

What did Tenna see??
Same thing that Arkan saw,
The drove Okla homa,
While Miisis sippi her tonic,
Wondering "What did Dela ware?" to the New Year's ball,
for Tex ax the tree,
so Mon tanna under the sun,
the crash so great that Flo rida her house of mice,
Nev ada all the little scurrying varmints,
but Massa chu setts, yuke that's gross,
cuz the cow needs a New York to pull the plow.

Oh, hi, Oh,
why Georgia
did you do this?
I almost needed a new jersey.