Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

And in a similar vein, does anyone know the largest London Borough?

Spoiler

Wapping

Spoiler

Actually it's Bromley, but that's not funny

I still haven't figured out who misspelled Euston. Guess, you're a bit biased ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

OR -- where they grow a herb for pizzas

And I was born in GRease ...

 

[Psinter]

Great Britain is the greatest Britain.

 

[Mark44]

Great Britain is the greatest Britain.

This is certainly lame all right, but I don't see that it also qualifies as a joke.

 

[davenn]

not so much lame, rather it's a good eye strain
from a mate on FB

 

[nuuskur]

Is the piece standing up or laying flat on the surface?

 

[fresh_42]

They've had to open an extra counter this morning at the Lost & Found office.

 

[Ibix]

Is the piece standing up or laying flat on the surface?

Upper left junction is the fake one for my money. The upper diagonal bar casts a shadow on the work bench but not on the vertical piece that is apparently beneath it. So cover the top left junction to see what it really looks like.

I saw one of these in real life in a museum of illusions. The beams were about a meter long and it was just suspended in the museum space so other patrons could walk through it. Which was kind of disturbing if you were standing in the magic spot where the thing looks like Dave's mates photo.

 

[Bystander]

Upper left junction

I say lower left.

 

[Ibix]

I say lower left.

That's the only one I really wouldn't believe. The two "diagonal" sides couldn't be lying flat on the table, but they have shadows that look to me like they are doing exactly that.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I think it's possible to construct.

Spoiler

Noooa! [I lied] I give up! ...

 

[davenn]

OK here's the spoiler in how they do this sort of visual trick

Spoiler: weld trick

https://www.instagram.com/p/BfKSkgmHYoc/?taken-by=bloodmagnetwelds

credit ...
https://www.instagram.com/bloodmagnetwelds/

 

[jtbell]

Today I was reminded of the early 1960s kids' TV cartoon show about Leonardo Lion, the King of Bongo Congo, whose wise, unflappable assistant was a skunk named... Odie Cologne.

 

[fresh_42]

Today I was reminded of the early 1960s kids' TV cartoon show about Leonardo Lion, the King of Bongo Congo, whose wise, unflappable assistant was a skunk named... Odie Cologne.

Seems times haven't changed as much as you might think:

Source

 

[Ibix]

I've been playing Minecraft with my son, and its splash screen is a good source of one-liners. Today it offered us:

sqrt(-1) love you

150% hyperbole!

 

[davenn]

ignoring the fact we are well past Christmas

 

[Ibix]

ignoring the fact we are well past Christmas View attachment 223686

This joke brought to you by the very strong man who once caught a bus.

 

[fresh_42]

ignoring the fact we are well past Christmas

Reminds me of a party my girlfriend had to take a few of us home. And of course she wasn't completely sober herself, just less than the rest of us, and of course there have also been a police control. The officer took a look into the car, saw the only girl driving and the rest so drunk, that he couldn't impossibly tell who was the most responsible for the atmosphere in the car, and he waved us by.

Lesson: Simply look according to all expectations and prejudices and everything goes fine.

 

[DrGreg]

This joke brought to you by the very strong man who once caught a bus.

Serves him right for not getting vaccinated.

 

[fresh_42]

Serves him right for not getting vaccinated.

But bus drivers shouldn't take a shot.

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard about the motorcycle gang that terrorizes businesses by threatening to post bad reviews online? They call themselves Yelp's Angels.

 

[pinball1970]

This is certainly lame all right, but I don't see that it also qualifies as a joke.

I liked it

Brittany is of course the littlest Britain which is found in... France

This is also not a joke, its a quirk which is amusing, I know this because I am British.

 

[256bits]

What not to let the smart a__ of you say at a Xmas party, or any other time of the year, when your girlfriend is speaking beside you:
You - My ear is ringing. What's that noise?
Her - THAT'S ME TALKING!

 

[DrGreg]

Brittany is of course the littlest Britain...

I thought "Brittany" meant "a bit like Britain". In the same way that "sticky" means "a bit like a stick".

Uxbridge English Dictionary

 

[pinball1970]

I thought "Brittany" meant "a bit like Britain". In the same way that "sticky" means "a bit like a stick".

Uxbridge English Dictionary

A quick search has some info on this. The name goes back a bit as you could not get any further from British as French, 1st C Roman. So in summary part of France named a "lesser" or "a little bit like Britain” by Italians.I think that counts as amusing

 

[fresh_42]

No Comment.

 

[pinball1970]

No Comment.

View attachment 223897

Yes that is funny to everyone who is not British; as I said we are very different to our European cousins and have had some differences over years but that is all is forgotten now.

Q: Whats the difference between a smart Frenchman and a unicorn? A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters

 

[pinball1970]

If anyone wants to post about Pascal Laplace Curie Fermat Fourier etc yes I know its a joke

 

[fresh_42]

Yes that is funny to everyone who is not British; as I said we are very different to our European cousins and have had some differences over years but that is all is forgotten now.

Q: Whats the difference between a smart Frenchman and a unicorn? A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters

Those jokes always work in two directions.

I remember a dialogue I once had with a colleague about the British cuisine. Me: "If there wasn't the channel, the French would have dug it" and his answer was: "How come you know they haven't?". In my opinion the English rather than the other three, actually celebrate being different from other Europeans - by all means. This sometimes leads to absurdities, but we all have our specialties, even with less emphasis on them.

 

[mjc123]

A quick search has some info on this. The name goes back a bit as you could not get any further from British as French, 1st C Roman. So in summary part of France named a "lesser" or "a little bit like Britain” by Italians.

When the Anglo-Saxons invaded Britain, the native (Celtic) Britons were pushed into the far west, into Wales and Cornwall, and some of them migrated to NW France, taking the Briton name (and language) with them. They are not a remnant of the Celtic Gauls of France.

 

[Vanadium 50]

his answer was: "How come you know they haven't?"

They'd still be on strike?

 

[pinball1970]

They'd still be on strike?

This could apply to either side of the channel

The English working class trade unions of the 60s,70s and 80s crippled productivity and the economy with petty, greedy, petulant, lazy attitudes to hard work, status and money.

Talking of laziness I have a very funny but quite bad taste joke about women, engineering students and inappropriate sexual behaviour but I think the moderators would not allow it.

 

[fresh_42]

Talking of laziness I have a very funny but quite bad taste joke about women, engineering students and inappropriate sexual behaviour but I think the moderators would not allow it.

I'd say you're right. I have read a joke about women, too, which is quite funny and although not about sexual behavior, I don't think it is appropriate. Some of the meanest jokes I know have been told to me by women, but it is a completely different matter to repeat them as a man. PC isn't stupid by definition, and in many cases a good guideline. We have members all around the world, of all ages, education, religions and gender. To potentially offend them for a more or less good or bad pun isn't worth it. Already the jokes about nationalities are on the edge. I can cope them, although I often feel the urge to reply and correct those prejudices they usually rely on. But what about all our readers who silently read them and turn away because of them? We'll never know. Thus it is not only just censorship but mandatory caution to reject and remove posts, which may hurt some - and often unknown - readers.

 

[pinball1970]

Thus it is not only just censorship but mandatory caution to reject and remove posts, which may hurt some - and often unknown - readers

Fair enough

I am English so are quite open to being the butt of every nations jokes.


Probably because we have our finger in so countries pies over the centuries and as a people / tribe we are often absurd, this is the nation that gave the world the Goodies Monty Python Not the 9 O clock news the goons and Arthur Negus enjoys.

I would never intentionally offend anyone so apologies if I have so far.

On the Irish joke, my father is from Dublin so hopefully you will let that one pass and all jokes now will be strictly lame and ethnically neutral

 

[fresh_42]

I am English so are quite open to being the butt of every nations jokes.

Me, too, as being German. There are probably as many prejudices, and what you've written for UK

I think there is more love hate between British than other Europeans.

is true for Germany as well. There are so many local differences, that jokes on the nation's level are almost certainly not true. Even I know some jokes that start with: "An Englishman, an Irish and a Scotsman enter a bar ..." and I assume there are also some jokes about people of a certain region within one of the states. Not the least part of Monty Python's success is due to the fact, that they joke about being British and we think we may laugh, because they are and should know what they are making fun of. However, the same joke may sound nasty, if I would make it. Me, too, has occasionally quoted "Don't mention the war!" and I know from own experiences that it is a great fun to sit in a pub and making jokes about each other, even though some of them still hurt like the 1-5 in Munich. But sitting in a bar and posting it worldwide are two different things.