Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

Good name.
I'd give it a Hi-6!

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Good name.
I'd give it a Hi-6!

:gooble:

 

[davenn]

Saturday giggle

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.

...
The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

"My mother-in-law, she came to help my wife and the dog killed her, also."A very touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the 2 men.

The Jewish man then asked, "Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man answered " Get in Line"

 

[davenn]

Best offers ...

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Looks like Shia LaBeouf's first car from the original "Transformers" movie.

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

https://safr.kingfeatures.com/idn/c...wMDUvMDEvQml6YXJyb19wLjIwMDUwMTE3XzYxNi5naWY=

 

[fresh_42]

"Welcome to our weekly meeting! You'll find the topics on page one and the results of our last meeting in the appendix of the handout."

"Sorry, Sir! You've forgotten the appendix."

"No, I haven't."

 

[davenn]

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Is that why pizza is lop-sided?

 

[jtbell]

Looks like Shia LaBeouf's first car from the original "Transformers" movie.

Nah...

from Time magazine's top ten fictional cars

 

[jtbell]

Today my wife and I were at a concert at the Peace Center, the performing arts center in Greenville SC. It's named not after an ideal, but a prominent local family who donated much of the money to build it. Every time I go there I wonder if any of the men in the family were named Warren.

 

[davenn]

Today my wife and I were at a concert at the Peace Center, the performing arts center in Greenville SC. It's named not after an ideal, but a prominent local family who donated much of the money to build it. Every time I go there I wonder if any of the men in the family were named Warren.

subtle, I like it

 

[jtbell]

Not so subtle: Houston, Texas had a real philanthropist named Ima Hogg.

 

[ISamson]

This is a huge, big, scary, frightening, horrendous, disgusting lame joke with a huge white beard and a pencil in his hand, doing a calculation for one hundred years.

Ramdom.

 

[ISamson]

Has this been posted already?

Lame right?

 

[WWGD]

Q: How many people work in your company?
A: Around 10, the rest basically sit on their a$$ all day doing nothing.

 

[fresh_42]

If I was a doc at a hospital, I had a calendar from 2030 in the wake-up room.

 

[WWGD]

Looks like Shia LaBeouf's first car from the original "Transformers" movie.

"Where's LeBeouf?" Ins't that Wendy's commercial? Or, is it," Ou est LeBeef?"

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

What do you call it when you set out a dead fish and sit next to it with an insect net in your hand?

Fly fishing.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 215827

I once saw a similar cartoon in which the cat was accompanied by a "thought bubble" that read, "%#$&@ flat screen monitors!"

 

[Vanadium 50]

You've heard one NP-complete joke, you've heard them all.

 

[Ibix]

You've heard one NP-complete joke, you've heard them all.

Unfortunately, there's no known way to tell one in less than exponential time.

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 215827

The birds aren't better off:

 

[DrGreg]

The birds aren't better off:

At least they can still tweet.

 

[fresh_42]

At least they can still tweet.

Now was it or was it not? To tweet or not to tweet, that's the dump question. I like to think it was (an allusion).

 

[davenn]

hahahaha100% real working perpetual motion machine...

 

[jtbell]

A new family moved into my neighborhood recently, along the route that I always take on my daily walk. They put up a low wooden picket fence, about 18" (45cm) high, all around their front yard. Every time I walk by, their small white dog comes out and runs along the inside of the fence, yapping furiously at me. But even though it's almost as tall as the fence, it never comes out onto the road to chase me. Could it be because... white dogs can't jump?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

At least they can still tweet.

Well, so can we (wireless) ...

 

[stoomart]

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

 

[Ibix]

What animals make the best secret agents?

Spyders.

 

[DrGreg]

What animals make the best secret agents?

Spyders.

Especially spyders with only 007 legs.

 

[Mark44]

Especially spyders with only 007 legs.

And if they had one more leg, they would have 010 of them.

Spoiler

This is pretty arcane, but some C programmers and web developers might get this...
Hint: $010 \ne 10$