Collection of Lame Jokes

  • Thread starter quddusaliquddus
  • Start date
  • Tags
    Jokes
In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #1,681
lisab said:
A screwdriver walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Did you know we have a drink named after you?" The screwdriver answers, "You have a drink named Steve?"

My favorite drink! :approve:
 
Physics news on Phys.org
  • #1,682
There was a doctor who always went to the bar across the street to get his unusal, an almond daquari. One day the bartenter was out of almonds and thinking the doc wouldn't noticed whipped up a daquari made with hickory sticks. The doc was not easily fooled and upon asking if his drink was an almond daquari found the bartender responding apologetically "No, it a hickory daquari doc"
 
  • #1,683
What do chemists like?
Alkynes of things!
 
  • #1,684
So a guy walks into a quantum cafe and asks for a coffee with half a sugar in it...
 
  • #1,685
A funeral procession drives slowly down a steep hill. Suddenly there is total brake failure on the hearse and it speeds out of control down the hill. The quick thinking eldest son of the deceased jumps out of his car, runs into a nearby chemists, runs up to to the counter and says "Quick, have you got something to stop me coffin!"
 
  • #1,687
I thought of a particularly lame joke today and I wanted to share it with you all. At least it's an original one as far as I know.

What do physicists drink for any duration of time?

Δt, get it?
 
  • #1,688
QuarkCharmer said:
I thought of a particularly lame joke today and I wanted to share it with you all. At least it's an original one as far as I know.

What do physicists drink for any duration of time?

Δt, get it?

LOLOLOLOL :biggrin:

What does a physicist have when he broke up with his girlfriend for a while??

Delta ex
 
  • #1,689
micromass said:
LOLOLOLOL :biggrin:

What does a physicist have when he broke up with his girlfriend for a while??

Delta ex

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2009/3/11/128812761190384562.jpg
 
  • #1,690
micromass said:
LOLOLOLOL :biggrin:

What does a physicist have when he broke up with his girlfriend for a while??

Delta ex

Oh wait I have a better one:

When do they get back together?

When [itex]Δx=x_{0}[/itex], of course.

(Read "naught", but if you like the other way of saying it read on)
Did you know that a physicist worked on the first Mortal Kombat game as the lead character developer?

Originally there was only one character, [itex]_{0}[/itex].
 
Last edited:
  • #1,691
I swear, I saw this on TV just a few minutes ago, on NBC's Today show: a duck drinking ale in a pub in England.

How does he pay for it, I wonder? They must put it on his bill.
 
  • #1,692
Drakkith said:
I've developed an equation that describes all extraterrestrial life. ET = 4n.
So you're eating foreign food. :tongue2:
 
  • #1,693
In a factory: A man standing on the floor and looking aimlessly.
CEO of that factory came and asked his salary... Man replied $2000 sir...
CEO took out his wallet & gave $6000 and told him "I pay people here to work and not to waste time... This is ur 3 months salary. Now get out of here. Dont come back".
That guy left.
CEO asked workers "who was that guy?"
Workers replied "courier boy sir"

Moral: Don't try to be strategic moron in every situation!
 
  • #1,694
FtlIsAwesome said:
So you're eating foreign food. :tongue2:

:rofl:
 
  • #1,696
Doctor: so when did you first realize you had diarrhoea.
Patient: when I took off my bicycle clips.
 
  • #1,697
After living in the jungle for several years, Lord Greystoke was finally captured by a tribe of cannibals who killed him and cut him up for stew. The tribe's head musician saved the stomach, tanned it, and used it for a drum head. He composed a song to celebrate his new instrument: "The Tarzan's Tripes Forever."
 
  • #1,698
Isaacsname said:
Powers of ten parody, adults only, this means you should get out now..

I'm too dense to figure out embedding videos, deal with it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeSC75qBDXI&feature=player_embedded#!

That's crude but funny. We just watched the original video in a class not too long ago. I never knew that the nearest star was called Burning Hot Glow Ball.
 
  • #1,700
I miss the mathematician jokes :biggrin:
 
  • #1,701
HeLiXe said:
I miss the mathematician jokes :biggrin:

What do you call the ratio of a pigs length to the square root of the sum of it's height squared and length squared?

[tex]\frac{Pig_{length}}{\sqrt(Pig_{length}^{2}+Pig_{height}^{2})}[/tex] =
coswine
 
Last edited:
  • #1,702
HeLiXe said:
I miss the mathematician jokes :biggrin:

Enjoy:


How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
None. The answer is intuitively obvious.​


How many numerical analysts does it take to change a light bulb?

3.9967 (after six iterations).​

How many mathematical logicians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They can't do it, but they can easily prove that itcan be done.
How many classical geometers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You can't do it with a straight edge and a compass.​

How many analysts does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to prove existence, one to prove uniqueness and one to derive a nonconstructive algorithm to do it.
How many number theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know the exact number, but I am sure it must be some rather elegant prime.​
 
  • #1,703
How many PFers does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten members to debate the issue as a current event. Two moderators to ban the offending members. Two members to initiate debates on the choice of light bulbs. One member to start a thread complaining about CFs. Six members to debate the effects of lightbulb selection on the grid. Eight members to debate the philosophical implications of lightbulbs, changing lightbulbs, and the existence of lightbulbs, and one member to argue that the lightbulb doesn't need changing and its really a socialist plot.

The lightbulb never gets changed.
 
  • #1,704
Ivan Seeking said:
How many PFers does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten members to debate the issue as a current event. Two moderators to ban the offending members. Two members to initiate debates on the choice of light bulbs. One member to start a thread complaining about CFs. Six members to debate the effects of lightbulb selection on the grid. Eight members to debate the philosophical implications of lightbulbs, changing lightbulbs, and the existence of lightbulbs, and one member to argue that the lightbulb doesn't need changing and its really a socialist plot.

The lightbulb never gets changed.

*likes this post*
 
  • #1,705
This is more or less full version:

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

1 to change the light bulb

1 to post that the light bulb in fact has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 Mentor to warn everyone that dangerous activities should be not discussed at forum

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

2 other Mentors to send 5 warnings and 2 infractions to offenders

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb"is perfectly correct

1 Evo to remind users that they should not state opinions as facts

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"

109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

5 Mentors to delete spam posts to light bulb selling sites

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

3 Mentors to delete spam posts to light bulb selling sites again

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

1 Admin to delete spam again

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this forum which makes light bulbs relevant to this forum

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

1 Mentor calling everyone to calm down

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

1 micromass to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again
 
  • #1,706
Borek's post should be moved to the engineering forum.
 
  • #1,707
Borek said:
This is more or less full version:

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

<snip>

1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

:rofl:
 
  • #1,708
Plus one ex-sailor with a light bulb in his mouth going off topic with a completely random thought to point out why there is a globe on the shirtsleeves of U.S. Naval electricians rather than a light bulb:
50px-Rating_Badge_EM.jpg
It has been reported that the rating badges for Electrician were first ordered specifying a "globe" ( meaning electric light bulb) as the specialty mark. On delivery, the mark manufactured out to be a replica of the world globe. Despite the error in communications, the world globe looked so well that it was retained. No evidence has been found to dispute this theory to explain the mark which does not visually represent its rating.



And that it is advantageous to keep ones old navy clothes with the white globe as you can color it orange and put little black triangles on it and go to Halloween parties as a Pumpkins Mate. :biggrin:
 
  • #1,709
Borek said:
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

Shouldn't that be "6 years"? :uhh:
 
  • #1,710
  • #1,711
[tex]\int\frac{1}{mower} d(mower)[/tex]
 
Last edited:
  • #1,712
Lancelot59 said:
[tex]\frac{1}{mower} d(mower)[/tex]

Should there be an integral there?

Natural Log mower plus C?
 
  • #1,713
QuarkCharmer said:
Should there be an integral there?

Natural Log mower plus C?
I edited it in. Correct. Pronounced "ln mower". You may now commence laughing.
 
  • #1,714
Lancelot59 said:
I edited it in. Correct. Pronounced "ln mower". You may now commence laughing.

"lin mower"

I don't get it.
 
  • #1,715
Char. Limit said:
"lin mower"

I don't get it.
You fail at humor. :/

"lawn mower"
 

Similar threads

  • General Discussion
12
Replies
394
Views
16K
  • General Discussion
2
Replies
42
Views
2K
Replies
0
Views
516
  • General Discussion
8
Replies
260
Views
21K
  • General Discussion
Replies
7
Views
2K
  • General Discussion
Replies
5
Views
741
  • General Discussion
6
Replies
185
Views
6K
Replies
15
Views
3K
Replies
21
Views
2K
  • Feedback and Announcements
Replies
2
Views
845
Back
Top