Why men are happier than women

[Ivan Seeking]

[an e-mail received today]

Men Are Just Happier People, but then what do you expect from such simple
creatures?

-Your last name stays put.
-The garage is all yours.
-Wedding plans take care of themselves.
-Chocolate is just another snack.
-You can be President.
-You can never be pregnant.
-You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
-You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
-Car mechanics tell you the truth.
-The world is your urinal.
-You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is
just too icky.
-You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
-Same work, more pay.
-Wrinkles add character.
-Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
-People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
-One mood all the time.
-Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
-You know stuff about tanks.
-A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
-You can open all your own jars.
-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
-If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
-Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
-Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
-You almost never have strap problems in public.
-You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
-Everything on your face stays its original color.
-The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
-You only have to shave your face and neck...and maybe your head.
-You can play with toys all your life.
-Your belly usually hides your big hips.
-One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
-You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
-You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
-You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
-You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
-No wonder men are happier

[source unknown]

 

[Math Is Hard]

[an e-mail received today]Chocolate is just another snack.

Blasphemy, Ivan. BLASPHEMY!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Blasphemy, Ivan. BLASPHEMY!

Yes, I take issue with that one as well.

 

[hypatia]

Sent to my E-Mail


Let us bow out heads...




Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him;

And Patience for his moods;

Because Lord, if I pray for Strength

I'll beat him to death.

Amen

 

[infinitetime]

You never know about the President thing - one day, there may be a great woman leader....

Everything else is just too darn true!

 

[Huckleberry]

Well Ivan, you've provided the gloves and the ring. Now all we need are some contestants.

I still got to think about which way to turn a wrench if I'm under it.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I still got to think about which way to turn a wrench if I'm under it.

It's a total guy thing: righty tighty lefty loosey.

 

[Huckleberry]

It's a total guy thing: righty tighty lefty loosey.

Yes, but from above I turn to my right and from below I turn to my left. That alone is enough to confuse me :tongue2:

 

[infinitetime]

From what I can see, it's also very convenient to be a guy.

 

[saltydog]

I'd like to see the list for the women. Here, I'll start it off:

1. A women goes to a bar and thinks to herself, "think I'll get laid tonight". A man goes to a bar and thinks to himself, "hope I get laid tonight".

 

[moose]

I'd like to see the list for the women. Here, I'll start it off:

1. A women goes to a bar and thinks to herself, "think I'll get laid tonight". A man goes to a bar and thinks to himself, "hope I get laid tonight".

And then everyone calls the woman a slut/whore but doesn't think twice about the guy

 

[icvotria]

*trying not to get mad, don't get mad.. it's just play... they don't mean it... stop seething...can't...control...feminism...* Aaaaaarrrrgh! Stop it stop it stop it stop it!

 

[Evo]

The male/female dictionary is cute.

WANTS AND NEEDS (wontz and nedz) n.
Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
Male: Food, sex and beer.

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.
Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing ball without a cup.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.

BUTT (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: The organ of mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything with one ball, two beers, or three stooges.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.

TASTE (tayst) v.
Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad prior to tossing it out.

I found this funny.

The difference between men and women in 5 sentences:

A man is driving up a steep, narrow road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out the window and replies,"*****!"
They continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Both from http://laughshop.com/archives/2battle_jokes.html

 

[Moonbear]

It's a total guy thing: righty tighty lefty loosey.

Yeesh, do you know how many times I've watched guys tighten a screw they were trying to loosen? Um, yeah, I just watched. They get testy if you try to tell them how to do things, so I just watch, and smile, and then offer to give it a try, and they laugh, and just to humor me, hand me the wrench.

Same thing for jars. What can I say, I have a strong grip from all that pipetting in the lab. They sit there struggling with a lid, and I offer to open it, and they laugh, then to get me to shut up, they hand me the jar assuming I won't be able to open it. *POP That was the sound of their ego bursting. :rofl:

And I'll have you know that I can wear a white t-shirt to an amusement park, and not a single guy there would complain! :tongue2:

 

[kleinjahr]

Why are men happier than women? Tis obvious, we get to look at beauty all the time.

 

[JamesU]

Why are men happier than women? Tis obvious, we get to look at beauty all the time.

There's too many women posting on this thread.(don't encourage them)

 

[AntonVrba]

Mars is more fun than Venus!

NASA knows - have you heard of a Venus probe or Venus lander?

 

[icvotria]

Mars is more fun than Venus!

NASA knows - have you heard of a Venus probe or Venus lander?

:rofl: Heehee! This made me laugh :rofl: Can anyone say 'latent homosexuals'?

 

[Moonbear]

Mars is more fun than Venus!

NASA knows - have you heard of a Venus probe or Venus lander?

None of the men posting in this thread will be tonight. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I'm dyslexic, I very often turn screws and nuts the wrong direction... so to speak.

 

[saltydog]

Two more for the ladies:

Dinner is free.

They get to have multiples.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Two more for the ladies:

Dinner is free.

They get to have multiples.

I think most women would say dinner is never free and they just about always never even get one.

 

[saltydog]

I think most women would say dinner is never free and they just about always never even get one.

I'm afraid you're mistaken. They get plenty. We're just never around to see it.

Edit: Well, wait a minute. Let me qualify that last comment. That depends if you don't mind . . .letting mr. happy . . . join you.

Edit: Oh yea, suppose you're right about dinner. I yield.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Two more for the ladies:

Dinner is free.

They get to have multiples.

I never have multiple dinners. Some nights I don't even get dinner at all!

 

[zoobyshoe]

I never have multiple dinners. Some nights I don't even get dinner at all!

So, are you more of a breakfast woman?

 

[russ_watters]

I think most women would say dinner is never free...

So who is paying who for what, there?

 

[zoobyshoe]

So who is paying who for what, there?

Ahhh...eh...whaaaa...hmmmmmmm?

 

[Moonbear]

I think most women would say dinner is never free

Well, buying dinner is just another gambling addiction men suffer. They hope if they pay, they'll hit the jackpot and get lucky. Because we know what weak creatures the men are, we put up with the more harmless of their addictions.

 

[Jason]

Originally posted by Evo
More…
Both from http://laughshop.com/archives/2battle_jokes.html

Haha, thanks for sharing this… very cute. I personally think men are happier than women. LOL

I think it's funny when someone tastes or smells something bad and they pass it on to someone else and then tell THEM to taste or smell it.

 

[Gale]

that list didn't even mention the male lack of a "time-o-the-month." I'd be a bazillion times happier if cramps and bloating just went away... course, the only ways to do that are a) have a baby b) menopause or c) hormones... ugh

plus, guys don't have to worry about their weight. The fat guy is always the popular one everyone loves... the fat girl is never that lucky. and guys can be smart without worrying either. Its so awkward being that "smart chick." =

though, on the plus side, i can get aroused in public without worrying...


oh, and i loved those definitions evo... i especially liked THINGY, VUNERABLE, and MAKING LOVE... hehe, i laughed..

 

[infinitetime]

Why are men happier than women? Tis obvious, we get to look at beauty all the time.

You're right, women hardly ever get to see handsomeness coming their way! j/k

 

[chroot]

Mars is more fun than Venus!

NASA knows - have you heard of a Venus probe or Venus lander?

Uh, yeah. :uhh: How about the Venera missions, Magellan, Pioneer, and Vega?

- Warren

 

[Moonbear]

that list didn't even mention the male lack of a "time-o-the-month." I'd be a bazillion times happier if cramps and bloating just went away... course, the only ways to do that are a) have a baby b) menopause or c) hormones... ugh

:rofl: I don't know...I'm pretty sure we make them suffer along on that one. We might be all crampy, but they have to duck and run for cover from the projectiles aimed their way.

 

[Joel]

:rofl: I don't know...I'm pretty sure we make them suffer along on that one. We might be all crampy, but they have to duck and run for cover from the projectiles aimed their way.

So, that's why men are better at physics! Thanks to their sex, they are exposed to projectile motion once a month without taking classes (only clashes). Another one solved!

 

[Moonbear]

So, that's why men are better at physics! Thanks to their sex, they are exposed to projectile motion once a month without taking classes (only clashes). Another one solved!

Good thing we throw like girls, huh? :tongue: