Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #4,446
I've been rooting around the last few threads looking for a decently lame joke. Unfortunately, I don't see much to root for and I'm not sure what's at the root of the problem.
 
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  • #4,447
These jokes about roots are getting ab-surd.
 
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  • #4,448
Mr. Shakespeare was trying to decide whether to have potatoes for dinner:

"Tuber or not tuber, that is the question."
 
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  • #4,449
Did you hear about the glue that's used to hold train whistles in place?

It's called tootpaste.
 
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  • #4,450
iphone-vs-android-jpg.jpg
 

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  • #4,451
quddusaliquddus said:
Lamest joke you know ... :zzz:
THere is so many bad jokes xD
 
  • #4,452
In San Antonio, Texas, how do people rally themselves for dessert after a huge meal of barbeque?

"Remember the à la mode!"
 
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  • #4,453
If relationship counselors were lawyers:

The problem here isn't that your wife is lying to you. The problem is that YOU believe her. Why do you believe her? This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't believed her.

Plaintiff: Because I love her too much. *cries*
Lawyer: There it is, your honor. It is HIS fault. Not my clients'. No further questions.
 
  • #4,454
A guy gets wheeled into the operating room for his surgery.

"Uh, Doc... why is that guy at the anesthesia station wearing a rabbit suit?"

"Him? That's the ether bunny."
 
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  • #4,455
(International Students' Applications mis-fill jokes)

Citizenship: "No"
Sex: "Yes"
 
  • #4,456
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

I'm eighty (Aye matey)

It works better when you say it out loud ahhaha
 
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  • #4,457
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

1 or 2? 1... or 2...?
 
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  • #4,458
Last edited:
  • #4,459
Sandro Romualdez said:
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

1 or 2? 1... or 2...?
Drat - I had an eye test last week. Now I'm going to have to wait eighteen months to find out if they've heard that one a million times before...
 
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  • #4,460
pWvqvkE.jpg
 

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  • #4,461
jtbell said:
He can take a photo with his phone and enhance it ... (that's what I did - ooups! too late! ... Aaaaaa...)
 
  • #4,463
I'll make a community for those who program in assembly and compile with NASM. I'll name it... Communasm.

Ok. I'll show my way out.
 
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  • #4,464
There were three sailors in a lifeboat. They had saved four cigarettes when their ship went down but all the matches were wet! Fortunately one of the sailors had a bright idea - he threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and then they were a cigarette lighter.
 
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  • #4,465
With not much to do in the lifeboat except look out at an endless ocean, each sailor really was a man over bored.
 
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  • #4,466
256bits said:
With not much to do in the lifeboat except look out at an endless ocean, each sailor really was a man over bored.
Not necessarily. It once happened to a pirate ship, but they got lucky, they had Blackboard with them.
 
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  • #4,467
Cashier: Would you like to donate a dollar to the poor?
Me: ...I'm the poor.

*donates a dollar to self*
 
  • #4,468
When the doctor tells you you have an athletic body:

bc7.png


Tell me doctor. Do all patients fall in love with you?
 

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  • #4,469
Can your dog do tricks?
Of course, he is a Labracadabrador.
 
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  • #4,470
Charles Link said:
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/physic
Also, if anyone saw the movie "The Man Who would be King" with Sean Connery, Michael Caine, and Christopher Plummer that came out around 1977, there is a line in there where Michael Caine ( P.T. Carnehan) gets aggravated with Sean Connery (Daniel Dravot) and tells him "I think you need a physic". :) ## \\ ## See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_Who_Would_Be_King_(film)
Here's one I'm going to repeat from about 2-3 days ago. (See above). Perhaps @fresh_42 will find it humorous. :)
 
  • #4,472
Looks like a "R" to "C" mutation.
 
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  • #4,473
Choose your side:

s2TCDS0.jpg


Or maybe not. Maybe AND.
 

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  • #4,474
Here's one from third grade...

Where can you find the biggest pencil in the world?

Pennsylvania!
 
  • #4,475
jtbell said:
Here's one from third grade...

Where can you find the biggest pencil in the world?

Pennsylvania!
I didn't read the spoiler, and my guess is in Pennsylvania.
 
  • #4,476
Now I understand what NJ and OR are for. But I'm a little bit nervous about MA.
 
  • #4,477
fresh_42 said:
Now I understand what NJ and OR are for. But I'm a little bit nervous about MA.
Can you give a spoiler or something?
 
  • #4,478
fresh_42 said:
Now I understand what NJ and OR are for. But I'm a little bit nervous about MA.
Let me guess:

NJ -- where pullovers are designed
OR -- where they grow a herb for pizzas
MA -- where there are a large number of dentures
 
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  • #4,479
DrGreg said:
NJ -- where pullovers are designed
I bought one - it's my new New Jersey jersey.
 
  • #4,480
And in a similar vein, does anyone know the largest London Borough?
Wapping
Actually it's Bromley, but that's not funny
 

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