Is This Normal Behavior? Understanding the Fine Line Between Joking and Bullying

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In summary, this person had a unique experience yesterday and then received a call from a friend who abuses vulgarly and threatens the person on the phone. After 20 minutes of listening, the person decides it is not a friend and hangs up. Today, the person meets the friend and a physical fight breaks out. The person is older and bigger than the friend and does not care if he is beaten, but they manage to give him some blows. After 2 hours, the friend sends a SMS apologizing and asking to remain friends, but the person has not replied. If the person had no mistake, they would not get into a physical fight with
  • #1
heman
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is this Normal Behaviour..!

okay here is something i want to ask you guys,,,,
yesterday i had some kind of unique experience ..
yesterday someone called me and asked me who i was...and then started calling nasty names,abusing very vulgarly and threatening me...i didn't had even an trace of idea who it was...he kept on going for around 2o minutes and i kept on listening seeing how much his abusive database was but thinking who that guy was...:grumpy:
the guy sounded to me like a kind of anti social person ...

So i found out it was friend of one of my close friend...and my friend previously denied that he didn't do that but finally accepted that he did it just for plain fun..

i don't know what should i think of my Friend,,is this kind of normal behaviour...or is he really me Friend??
i don't know ,how should i behave with him...but one thing for sure he has lost my trust..
 
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  • #2
So you got a dumb prank call from a friend. Why didn't you hang up? Why did you stay on the phone for 20 minutes?
 
  • #3
Listening to people's insults on phone is amuzing! You learn lots of new words.:blushing:
 
  • #4
And today what happened,,i met my Friend..and a ferocious fight broke between us,,college guys jumped to stop the fight..
Actually that guy was more physically built and more in height..and he took it for granted that he can beat me..but i got some severe injuries,,actually bood came out of my teeth but i managed to give him some blows ,,i didn't cared how much blows i got but i really was in a very furious mood..first time in my life i fought so seriously..After 2 hours ,,he did sms to me telling that it was all his fault and he wanted to remain friend and said sorry but i haven't replied...i don't know whether i would like to talk him again
 
  • #5
Normal... NO! How old is this guy? This kind of thing happened to me once in the third grade (minus blood coming out of teeth), but afterwards, even the kids that ate glue were past this phase. Does this guy have a history of mental illness (or perhaps an affinity for glue)?
 
  • #6
This is not normal behavior, especially among friends.

Ultimately it is up to one to determine with whom one is friends.

I am sorry to hear that both become involved in a fight! :frown:
 
  • #7
Actually this guy is 2 years elder to me,,and he is a kind of guy who always wants to remain in limelight...like he always roams with 4-5 guys always with him and pretty egoistic and tells lies and can make fun of anybody for his own purpose..he tries to dominate the guys with his body...

and actually it was he who did all the things and the first one to start the fight..i actually don't care if i am beaten but i won't miss the second chance of entering with him fight ,if he does this kind of thing..
 
  • #8
heman said:
Actually this guy is 2 years elder to me,,and he is a kind of guy who always wants to remain in limelight...like he always roams with 4-5 guys always with him and pretty egoistic and tells lies and can make fun of anybody for his own purpose..he tries to dominate the guys with his body...

and actually it was he who did all the things and the first one to start the fight..i actually don't care if i am beaten but i won't miss the second chance of entering with him fight ,if he does this kind of thing..
Well - that does not sound like friendly behvavior.

Please do not fight.
 
  • #9
i ask you Astronuc,,what should i do?

What would you do if you had no mistake and someone did similar thing...you have muscles and seem pretty powerful, i am pretty sure you will always have advatage during a fight/.
 
  • #10
It doesn't sound normal to call and yell and swear at someone who is supposedly a friend for 20 min. It also doesn't sound normal to stay on the phone and listen to it...why on Earth didn't you just hang up when it started?! Even if he thought it was a funny joke and just kept going because he was surprised you didn't just hang up (that's possible...it may have carried on because he started finding it too funny that you were actually putting up with it and not hanging up on him), it's not a reason to pick a physical fight. Children may get into physical toussles with their friends, but teens and adults shouldn't. If someone is picking fights that leaves you hurt and bleeding for no reason, or just over a joke, they are not a friend. Actually, if they are doing or saying something that makes you feel so angry that you even feel the urge to get into a physical fight with them, they are no friend. That's not to say friends don't sometimes say things that make each other mad, but if the urge to hit them over it is lasting more than a minute or so, then you either have a serious anger management problem, or there is no friendship.
 
  • #11
heman said:
i ask you Astronuc,,what should i do?

What would you do if you had no mistake and someone did similar thing...you have muscles and seem pretty powerful, i am pretty sure you will always have advatage during a fight/.
The strongest man in a fight is the one who has the maturity to walk away from it.
 
  • #12
but how to handle such guys who try to act authoritarian,,,,,like if someone is coming to you all hotted up,,should i remain cool...i really wouldn't like to digest his beaviour if he tries to act like Bond..

Actually the point is that if i would complain to higher authority..he surely will get expelled and so too i will have chances of being expelled..
 
  • #13
heman said:
i ask you Astronuc,,what should i do?

What would you do if you had no mistake and someone did similar thing...you have muscles and seem pretty powerful, i am pretty sure you will always have advatage during a fight/.
I think it best to avoid the person. You already won one fight, there need not be another. I hope this person does not seek another.

I observe nonviolence. Along time ago, I injured someone in a fit of rage. I could have easily killed him, and he has subsequently had surgery to repair damaged vertebrae. At the time, I was not as strong as I am now. Since that event, I made a conscious effort to avoid violent confrontation.
 
  • #14
Moonbear said:
The strongest man in a fight is the one who has the maturity to walk away from it.

if circumstances aren't that allow you to walk away..
 
  • #15
Moonbear said:
The strongest man in a fight is the one who has the maturity to walk away from it.
Yes. This is the best policy.
 
  • #16
Astronuc said:
You already won one fight,



i got serious injuries..and he didn't got anything much..
 
  • #17
heman said:
i got serious injuries..and he didn't got anything much..
Sorry, I misread your post.

It is best to avoid fighting.

Meanwhile - work to perfect oneself.
 
  • #18
okay here is a case,,may be that doesn't have relation to this...

its an accidentally mid of night,,
suppose one guy is along with her girl friend and 4 giant people appear in the way and they say that you can go leaving her...so what should the guy do?
 
  • #19
The guy shouldn't go out with his gf at mid night especially if it's not a crowded place...
 
  • #20
i am telling a case Lisa,,who knows what can the situation be..
,,,,just assume this happened and believe me such case do happens ,,
 
  • #21
heman said:
okay here is a case,,may be that doesn't have relation to this...

its an accidentally mid of night,,
suppose one guy is along with her girl friend and 4 giant people appear in the way and they say that you can go leaving her...so what should the guy do?
It is best to avoid such a situation, as Lisa! indicated. I trained along time ago to be aware of my environment and to be prepared for situations.

I would protect the girl while avoiding or minimizing violence.

Accidentally mid of night implies lack of thought on one's part. One does not accidentally find oneself out in the middle of the night, and I certainly wouldn't be out in the middle of the night with a girl in a situation where people would suddenly appear.
 
  • #22
heman said:
okay here is a case,,may be that doesn't have relation to this...

its an accidentally mid of night,,
suppose one guy is along with her girl friend and 4 giant people appear in the way and they say that you can go leaving her...so what should the guy do?
First, as Lisa! suggested, you should avoid getting into such a situation in the first place. It's not very cool to take your date to a bad area of town in the middle of the night.

But, assuming you already made that mistake, or had no way to anticipate you were getting into a bad area, you put your arm around your girlfriend's shoulder, and she puts hers around yours and you continue walking...or turn around and walk the other way. You're not going to win any fight 4 against 1 anyway, so the only thing you CAN do is try to diffuse it or avoid it, and hope they're just bluffing. If they surround you and start to hit you, you of course can defend yourself, but it's best to not let it get to that point at all.

I was with a guy once (a high school boyfriend) who got taunted as we walked past a group of other guys...his reaction was to start going after them for a fight. I grabbed his arm, pulled him away from it, and then broke up with him. It was a very unattractive reaction in my opinion (it was very unattractive of the guys doing the taunting too, but I wasn't interested in them anyway).
 
  • #23
how can one protect the gal from 4 guys...its not a movie and the person is not a action movie star like pitt/cruise..
 
  • #24
Moonbear said:
First, as Lisa! suggested, you should avoid getting into such a situation in the first place. It's not very cool to take your date to a bad area of town in the middle of the night.

But, assuming you already made that mistake, or had no way to anticipate you were getting into a bad area, you put your arm around your girlfriend's shoulder, and she puts hers around yours and you continue walking...or turn around and walk the other way. You're not going to win any fight 4 against 1 anyway, so the only thing you CAN do is try to diffuse it or avoid it, and hope they're just bluffing. If they surround you and start to hit you, you of course can defend yourself, but it's best to not let it get to that point at all.

I was with a guy once (a high school boyfriend) who got taunted as we walked past a group of other guys...his reaction was to start going after them for a fight. I grabbed his arm, pulled him away from it, and then broke up with him. It was a very unattractive reaction in my opinion (it was very unattractive of the guys doing the taunting too, but I wasn't interested in them anyway).

Consider it hypothetical..
Moonbear suppose,,someone taunted you and your friend didn't do anything ,he can't protect you from those guys and someother guy who was watching all this fights for you..and goes after them...what your reaction would be?
 
  • #25
heman said:
Consider it hypothetical..
Moonbear suppose,,someone taunted you and your friend didn't do anything ,he can't protect you from those guys and someother guy who was watching all this fights for you..and goes after them...what your reaction would be?
Huh? Some other guy gets in a fight because he sees someone taunting someone else he doesn't know? Why on Earth would someone do that unless they've just been itching for an excuse to fight? In such a weird situation, my friend and I would walk away VERY quickly. Leave the immature guys picking fights to themselves. :yuck:
 
  • #26
heman said:
how can one protect the gal from 4 guys...its not a movie and the person is not a action movie star like pitt/cruise..
Exactly! That's why it's best to just walk away rather than do anything to escalate it to that point. But, it shouldn't matter whether you think you can win or lose, fighting is always a last resort, and only as self-defense.
 
  • #27
heman said:
i am telling a case Lisa,,who knows what can the situation be..
,,,,just assume this happened and believe me such case do happens ,,
I do know that happens alot. I just wanted to say it usually don't happen to wise people.o:) (ok as some people say you can't always save yourself from an car accident because you're a good driver. sometimes others are bad drivers and might hit you...:frown: )
I'm not going to answer your question because it needs lots of speculations(?) and you usually can't say what happens unless you'd be in the situation.:yuck:
If you want to say fights are unavoidable sometimes, then I think
1. I try to decrease injuries.(I guess you got serious injuries because you were trying to hit him back and hadn't focused on protecting yourself against his hits, eh?)
2.https://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=936175&postcount=4 does that help when you're fighting with a guy?:rofl:

<runs and hides>
 
  • #28
its like something i can't see what the other person thinks...whats in his mind ,,i decided to not to talk to him again but i received his email saying this,,"i am very sorry..
Rezen was saying that you were hurted and neck is aching.i am deeply regretted,i never want to fight with any of my friends.you can't imagine the deepness of grief surrounding me since yesterday.it was just a spurt of anger and everything was flown.Though,it may not be possible to fill the gap which has been created but we can some how cover it.i can't loose a friend like you and frankly telling i am in need of you.i like your company,your friendship and especially your laughter.
Please try to forgive me and please forget the nonsense created by me.!
get well soon and start studying."
 
  • #29
Moonbear said:
The strongest man in a fight is the one who has the maturity to walk away from it.

That's really not worth much if your ass is being kicked, right ?

I say, you need to intimidate your opponent by displaying a total lack of fear. Ignore, but do NOT back down.

That's the only true masculine reaction you can give in such a situation.:approve:

marlon
 
  • #30
Moonbear said:
But, it shouldn't matter whether you think you can win or lose,
C'mon, that's the entire point of fighting right ? You must ALWAYS assume that you are going to win a fight, especially if you are being attacked.

fighting is always a last resort, and only as self-defense.

How about the pre-emptive strike? If you are surrounded by 4 dudes, just knock out two of them as soon as you can. I mean, catch them by surprise, knock them between the ..., I dunno...But DO something and don't think that talking will get you out of trouble.

BE A MAN, God Dammit:devil: :cool: :approve:

marlon
 
  • #31
marlon said:
That's really not worth much if your ass is being kicked, right ?

I say, you need to intimidate your opponent by displaying a total lack of fear. Ignore, but do NOT back down.

That's the only true masculine reaction you can give in such a situation.:approve:

marlon

that sounds better..indeed much better..Marlon is a man!
 
  • #32
marlon said:
C'mon, that's the entire point of fighting right ? You must ALWAYS assume that you are going to win a fight, especially if you are being attacked.
When attacked, it's self-defense. I'm referring to starting fights, not self-defense.

How about the pre-emptive strike? If you are surrounded by 4 dudes, just knock out two of them as soon as you can. I mean, catch them by surprise, knock them between the ..., I dunno...But DO something and don't think that talking will get you out of trouble.
A pre-emptive strike guarantees you're going to be in a fight because it means YOU started it. If you catch one or two by surprise (I doubt you'll get two...you might get a sucker punch in on one), you pretty much guarantee you're going to be jumped by the rest. It's much better to look for an out. I'm not saying to stand there and talk, I'm saying to get yourself OUT of the situation before it comes to violence. Walk away, run away, duck into a nearby store and just avoid getting into a fight in the first place. That's not the same as standing there being a punching bag if you get cornered and they start into you.
 
  • #33
It is best not fight - certainly do not start a fight pre-emptively.

And try to avoid situations in which might put on in a fight.

I would prefer to try to talk my way out first.

The adversary's email does appear conciliatory.

"i am very sorry..
Rezen was saying that you were hurted and neck is aching.i am deeply regretted,i never want to fight with any of my friends.you can't imagine the deepness of grief surrounding me since yesterday.it was just a spurt of anger and everything was flown.Though,it may not be possible to fill the gap which has been created but we can some how cover it.i can't loose a friend like you and frankly telling i am in need of you.i like your company,your friendship and especially your laughter.
Please try to forgive me and please forget the nonsense created by me.!
get well soon and start studying."
To bad he did not think of this before hand. I would recommend saving the email as evidence of his behavior - should the matter come up later.

Perhaps one can accept the apology, but let it be known that such behavior in future is not acceptable.
 
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  • #34
Moonbear said:
When attacked, it's self-defense.
That is not true because there are several ways to defend yourself. Youcan defend yourself in a "defensive way" (ie countering the attack like a judo player would do) or in an "offensive way" (knocking the living hell out of your opponent and hurting him/her)

A pre-emptive strike guarantees you're going to be in a fight because it means YOU started it.

Nope it doesn't. You will get attacked anyway if you do not do anything. You attack to prevent this upcoming attack from your opponents, that's the entire point and this is not what you are talking about.

It's much better to look for an out.

Ofcourse it is, but this is all theory. We are clearly talking/referring to situations where this is not possible. We are looking at a situations where you WILL get attacked.

Walk away, run away, duck into a nearby store and just avoid getting into a fight in the first place.

I am sorry but this is "kitty" behaviour. What about standing your ground, defending your honour, etc etc ? If you always run away from possible physical conflicts, people will get to know what kind of sissy you are. This reputation makes you a weak personality and people will take advantage of that to annoy you, profit from you, disrespect you, laugh with you,...Situations like this occur very often (to some extent) in high schools, professional life, etc etc.

I say we need to stop being such moral sissies and start reacting the way we really want to react when faced with danger. Let's get rid of these fake "i want to stay polite/avoid any conflict"-type of reactions, because they do not help in conflict situations. They don't allow for us to deal with anger and fear in a human-natural-way (this generates frustration) and they are responsible for the violent behaviour we see with frustrated high school kids that don't have any taste for discipline.



marlon
 
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  • #35
marlon said:
Situations like this occur very often (to some extent) in high schools, professional life, etc etc.
You're kidding, right? If not, I hope never to visit where you live if it's that violent! In high schools, yes, because people are still too immature to know how to deal with conflict without fighting. That's why I say a MAN is the one with the sense to avoid the fight; immature boys get into fights. Professional life? Yeah, right, there are fist fights breaking out left and right in corporate headquarters around the world. :rolleyes: If you solve problems with physical strength, that just makes you a bully.

Keep in mind, we're talking about physical fighting here. We're not talking about standing your ground in a dispute or argument that's non-violent. If you run into 4 thugs on the street with no other goal than to pulverize you, it's not wimpy to get the heck out of there; it's the smart thing to do. Standing your ground doesn't mean much when you're lying in the ER with a bloody nose, missing teeth, and a few cracked ribs, or worse if they're carrying weapons. Maturity is knowing when it's worth standing up for yourself and when it's best to just avoid the confrontation for your own self-preservation. Even if you "won" the fight, what honor is there to be gained from fighting with a bunch of thugs? There's nothing honorable about that; you've just stooped to their level.
 
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