Funniest song lyrics ever


by CosminaPrisma
Tags: funniest, lyrics, song
CosminaPrisma
CosminaPrisma is offline
#1
Jan30-06, 05:36 AM
P: 96
If you want my body and you think Iím sexy
Come on honey tell me so
If you really need me just reach out and touch me"
- Rod Stewart"
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rod-stewart/117185.html

"Sexbomb sexbomb youíre my sexbomb
And baby you can turn me on turn me on darliní
Sexbomb sexbomb youíre my sexbomb sexbomb
You can give it to me when I need to come along
Sexbomb sexbomb youríre my sexbomb
And baby you can turn me on

You can give me more and more counting up the score
Yeah
You can turn me upside down inside out
You can make me feel the real deal uh uh
I can give it to you any time because youíre mine
Ouch, sexbomb, aw baby

Sexbomb sexbomb youíre my sexbomb
And you can give it to me when I need to be turned on
No, no
Sexbomb sexbomb youíre my sexbomb
And baby you can turn me on turn me on
And baby you can turn me on turn me on
Baby you can turn me on turn me on
Ooh baby you can turn me on turn me on
Baby you can turn me on oh
Baby you can turn me on oh
Baby you can turn me on
Well baby you can turn me on"
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tom-jones/138371.html""]http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tom-jones/138371.html"[/URL]


What song lyrics do you all think are funny?
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Shahil
Shahil is offline
#2
Jan30-06, 05:53 AM
Shahil's Avatar
P: 218


...Ooh boys cheeky girls
Ooh girls cheeky boys

I never ever ask where do you go
I never ever ask what do you do
I never ever ask whatís in your mind
I never ever ask if youíll be mine
Come and smile donít be shy
Touch my bum this is life.

Oooooh

We are the cheeky girls
We are the cheeky girls...


It's called "Touch my bum" by the Cheeky Girls. They're two Romanian twins. I think this song reached #2 or #3 in the UK a few years back...cringeworthy.

What about Sarah Brightman "I lost my heart to a starship trooper"
...I lost my heart to a starship trooper
crashing light in hyperspace
fighting for the federation
hand in hand we'll conquer space...
I think I'm gonna hurl...excuse me...
CosminaPrisma
CosminaPrisma is offline
#3
Jan30-06, 06:15 AM
P: 96
Sarah Brightman - I lost my heart to a starship trooper
Speaker 1:
Arcaida
X-ray X-ray delta niner niner zero
This is Starfleet Control
You are clear to go hyper space
Acknowledge

Speaker 2:
Affirmative, Star Comm
We have situation gold

Speaker 1:
Niner niner zero, roger
You're looking good for trans-light


Sarah singing:
I lost my heart to a starship trooper
I lost my heart to a starship trooper
Oh...


Hey, Captain Strange, won't you be my lover
You're the best thing that I've ever discovered
Flash Gordon's left me, he's gone to the stars
An evil Darth Vader has me banished to Mars


Tell me, Captain Strange, do you feel my devotion
Or are you like a droid, devoid of emotion
Encounters one and two are not enough for me
What my body needs is close encounter three


I lost my heart to a starship trooper
Flashing lights in hyper space
Fighting for the Federation
Hand in hand we'll conquer space


Listen, Captain Strange, what's our destination
The scanners seem to indicate a small deviation
Static on the comm - it's Starfleet Command
Requesting your position, it's their final demand


You're intentions are known, they've found out at last
So if you're gonna take me, please make it fast
Touch me, feel me, do what you will
I want to feel that galatic thrill


I lost my heart to a starship trooper
Flashing lights in hyper space
Fighting for the Federation
Hand in hand we'll conquer space


Speaker 1:
Niner niner zero
This is Star Comm
We got a problem
On your vector
Request status check
Over


Sarah singing:
Oh, baby...


Speaker 3:
Arcadia
This is Strategy Control
You have course devation
At five mark six
Acknowledge


Sarah singing:
I love you...


Speaker 1:
Arcaida
We show condition red
Confirm


Sarah singing:
Love me...


Speaker 3:
What's going on out there


Sarah singing:
Oh...
I lost my heart to a starship trooper
Flashing lights in hyper space
Fighting for the Federation
Hand in hand we'll conquer space
I lost my heart to a starship trooper
Oh...


Space suit is lying on control room floor
Pulse rate increasing as the heat factor soars
Take me, make me feel the force
Ignore the computers, we're locked on course


I lost my heart to a starship trooper
Flashing lights in hyper space
Fighting for the Federation
Hand in hand we'll conquer space


I lost my heart to a starship trooper
Flashing lights in hyper space
Fighting for the Federation
Hand in hand we'll conquer space


Speaker 1, while Sarah sings
the previous lines repeatedly:
Niner niner zero
This is Star Comm
Be advised
You have serious vector deviation
I repeat: serious vector deviation


Arcadia
Niner niner zero
Do you copy


This is Starfleet Control
To all ships in sector five
Be advided
Arcadia
Niner niner zero
Is off course
All ships squawk ident


Starship Arcadia
This is Starfleet Control
Squawk ident
I repeat: squawk ident
http://www.xs4all.nl/~josvg/cits/sb/.../starship.html

I've never heard this song before, but by looking at the lyrics.

fargoth
fargoth is offline
#4
Jan30-06, 06:17 AM
P: 400

Funniest song lyrics ever


bob marley - i smoke 2 joints

I smoke two joints in the morning
I smoke two joints at night,
I smoke two joints in the afternoon
and it makes me feel alright
smoke two joints in time of peace
into the time of war
smoke two joints before i smoke two joints
and then i smoke some more

yeah thats what i do, hey

mama she always told me son you really have it bad
mama she always told me son you do the best you can
then one day i met a man she came to me and said
i work good and i work fine but first take care of him

i smoke two joints in the morning
i smoke two joints at night
i smoke two joints in the video game
and it mkes me feel alright
i smoke two joints in the time of peace
into the time of war
smoke two joints before i smoke two joints
and then i smoke some more

ooh ooh ooh ooh

one peace one time
funny days, funny days
gimme that bassline

fellas fellas


--------------------------------------------------------------
the way i mate - rednex

The way I mate, the way I mate, the way I mate
I call a girlie girlie in a wae-oh
I call a girlie girlie in a wae-oh

I call a hubby hubby, eep-eep-eep

Girls, come on let's have a good time
It is the day to get wild
Do you feel like going down

Mating seasons in heat
Come on and get to your feet
To get laid we eep-eep-eep

Time to go-go
wae-oh wae-oh

Bushes are moving around
All the beavers have fun
They are playing with their guns

Guys are chasing around
Getting ready to beep
When they all hear our eep-eep-eep

-------------------------------------------------------------------
hey - pixies

Hey
Been trying to meet you
Hey
Must be a devil between us
Or whores in my head
Whores at my door
Whores in my bed
But hey
Where
Have you
Been if you go I will surely die
Weíre chained

Uh said the man to the lady
Uh said the lady to the man she adored
And the whores like a choir
Go uh all night
And mary ainít you tired of this
Uh
Is
The
Sound
That the mother makes when the baby breaks
Weíre chained
----------------------------------------------------------------------
monkey's gone to heaven - pixies

There was a guy
An under water guy who controlled the sea
Got killed by ten million pounds of sludge
From new york and new jersey
This monkeyís gone to heaven

The creature in the sky
Got sucked in ahole
Now thereís a hole in the sky
And the groundís not cold
And if the groundís not cold
Everything is gonna burn
Weíll all take turns
Iíll get mine, too
This monkeyís gone to haven

Rock me joe!

If man is 5 [3x]
Then the devil is 6 [5x]
Then God is 7 [3x]
This monkeyís gone to heaven
--------------------------------------------------------------
gigantic - pixies

And this I know
His teeth as white as snow
What a gas it was to see him
Walk her every day
Into a shady place
With her lips she said
She said

Hey paul, hey paul, hey paul, letís have a ball (3x)

Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
A big big love
Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
A big big love

Lovely legs there are
What a big black mask
What a hunk of love
Walk her every day into a shady place
Heís like the dark, but Iíd want him

Hey paul, hey paul, hey paul, letís have a ball (3x)

Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
A big big love
Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
A big big love

Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
A big big love
Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
A big big love


is she implying black dudes got gigantic...?

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Bungle - aqueeze me macaroni



I wanna lock Betty Crocker in the kitchen
And knock her upper during supper
Clutter up her butter gutter
Hostess Ding Dong wrapped an eggroll around my wong
While Dolly Madison proceded to ping my pong
Your Milky Way is M'n'M in your britches
And I'll tell you Baby Ruth it looks mighty delicious
Keep blowing my gum, cuz here I come
I'm gonna get you all sticky with my Bubble Yum
Knick knack paddywhack and give your dog a bone, baby
I was givin' some head to some french bread
It was a four course orgy on the spread of my bed
French kissin' french fries in my Fruit of the Looms
I get deeper penetration with a fork and a spoon
I got yogurt meat loaf smeared all over my ***
I stick my weiner in two buns and and then give it the gas
Sour cream from my spleen into Levi jeans
Gonna bust the seams with my refried beans
Ronald McDonald just loves to be fondled
With Big Mac he'll **** it like a Chicken McNugget
Colonel Sanders wants to goose Granny's loose caboose
He's gonna give her a boost with that Kentucky fried juice
Sooper doop poop scoop, loop de loop, chicken coop
Shoot some hoop, top sirloin from the groin
Topped with dick cheese, sneeze, wheeze,
From the skeez disease, wooi!
Take a dump, baby, squirt some gravy
Pour some sugar on me, honey, make it brown & runny
Give a little Flavor Flav, back from the grave
Gonna burn some toast, pump some humpin' rump roast
Knick knack paddywhack, jump in the sack, in fact
Jerk the smack and crack Jack from the back
Bananarama or ramabanana
****in' Barry Manilow on the Copa Cabana
Squeeze me macaroni, slop your face with my bologna
You gotta syphon the spinach, you gotta cream the corn
Sperm scrambles the eggs and a meal is born
Cookin' like a beginner, but I'm goin' up in her
I had Fritos for lunch I'm havin' bush for dinner
Chef Boyardee and the Three Muskateers
Shove Charleston Chews in their rears like queers
Holy moly, guacamole! said my Chips Ahoy
I'm gonna pinch a ravioli on the Pillsbury dough boy
Knick knack paddywhack and give your dog a boner, baby
We came to pottie...we came to pottie down your throat

---------------------------------------------------------------------


had enough yet?
CosminaPrisma
CosminaPrisma is offline
#5
Jan30-06, 06:26 AM
P: 96
That last one makes me wanna gag.
fargoth
fargoth is offline
#6
Jan30-06, 06:37 AM
P: 400
by the way, in case you gave up on my long post... i saved the best for the end.
fargoth
fargoth is offline
#7
Jan30-06, 06:57 AM
P: 400
The Lumberjack Song from "Monty Python's Flying Circus"
Continued from Petshop, Barber, or a variety of other Python sketches....

I never wanted to do this job in the first place!
I... I wanted to be...

A LUMBERJACK!

(piano vamp)

Leaping from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of
British Columbia! With my best girl by my side!
The Larch!
The Pine!
The Giant Redwood tree!
The Sequoia!
The Little Whopping Rule Tree!
We'd sing! Sing! Sing!


Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

CHORUS: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'
And has buttered scones for tea.

CHORUS

I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around.... In bars???????

CHORUS

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspendies and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
Suspendies?? and a .... a Bra????
(spoken, raggedly) What's this? Wants to be a *girlie*? Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!

CHORUS

All: He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy..... (BONG)

Sound Cue: The Liberty Bell March, by John Phillip Sousa.
-or-
======================================================================= ========

Dear Sir,
I wish to complain on the stronglyest possible terms about the previous
entry in this file about the lumberjack who wears womens' clothes. Some of
my best friends are lumberjacks, and only a FEW of them are transvestites.

Yours faithfully,
Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong, Mrs.

P.S. I have never kissed the editor of the radio times.
fargoth
fargoth is offline
#8
Jan30-06, 06:59 AM
P: 400
*** I like Chinese
*** from Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album
*** transcribed from tape 11/16/87 Daniel Rich <drich@research1.bgsu.edu>

(spoken)
The world today is absolutely cracked.
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why...

(singing)
I like chinese,
I like chinese,
They only come up to you knees,
Yet they're always friendly and they're ready to to please.

I like chinese,
I like chinese,
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today,
You'd better learn to like them, that's what I say.

I like chinese,
I like chinese,
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute, and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.

I like chinese food,
The waiters never are rude,
Think the many things they've done to impress,
There's maoism, taoism, eging and chess.

I like chinese,
I like chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their zen, their ping-pong, their ying and yang-eze.

I like chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confusious taught,
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The chinese will survive us all without any doubt.

So, I like chinese,
I like chinese,
They only come up to you knees,
Yet they're wise, and they're witty, and they're ready to please

Wo ai Zhong-guo ren [Wo, I chumba run]
Wo ai Zhong-guo ren
Wo ai Zhong-guo ren
Ni Hao Ma? Ni Hao Ma? Ni Hao Ma? Zai zhen [Ne hamma? ... Chi Chen]

I like chinese,
I like chinese,
They're food is guaranteed to please,
A fourteen, a seven, a nine and li-chese

I like chinese,
I like chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their zen, their ping-pong, their yin and yang-eze

I like chinese,
I like chinese,
(fade out....)
fargoth
fargoth is offline
#9
Jan30-06, 07:03 AM
P: 400
the following song has an age limit of 18
so if youre too young, you have to get adult supervision or something..


"Sit on my Face" from "Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl"

Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I love to hear you moralize,
When I'm between your thighs;
You blow me away!

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I'll sit on your face and let my love be truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
And we'll sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,
'Till we're blown away!
fargoth
fargoth is offline
#10
Jan30-06, 07:10 AM
P: 400
this one is dedicated to Math Is Hard

My cat,by Jack off Jill.

My cat
Cool cat
Good cat
Pussy cat

When I see him walking
Makes no sense to me
My cat is everywhere
We watch him on TV

My cat is amazing
He can play the guitar
He may not be an actor
But he's a pussy superstar

My cat
Cool cat

My cat is everywhere
Sees what he can see
He may not be an actor
He acts atrociously

My cat is amazing
He can play the guitar
He may not be an actor
But he's a pussy superstar

My cat isn't crazy
He's everything to me
My cat burns the bible
And he thinks it's so funny

He isn't very good
He isn't very smart
He may not be Picasso
But he is a work of art

Hates me as much as I hate you

My cat
Cool cat
Good cat
Pussy cat

When I see him walking
Makes no sense to me
My cat is everywhere
We watch him on TV

My cat is amazing
He can play the guitar
He may not be an actor
But he's a pussy superstar

My cat isn't crazy
He's everything to me
My cat burns the bible
And he thinks it's so funny

He isn't very good
He isn't very smart
He may not be Picasso
But he is a work of art

My cat is handsome
He can play the guitar
He can break my arm in seven places
He can eat a whole watermelon
My cat my cat
fargoth
fargoth is offline
#11
Jan30-06, 07:13 AM
P: 400
bloodhound gang - hell yeah


Alright now boys and girls weíve got another story for you now!
We want to introduce to you another friend of the bible!

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God there would be no explicit sex on t.v.
Like little opie eating pie when he made it with aunt bea

If I were God thou shall not worship false billy idols
And thou shall add the book of flavor flav to the bible
Thou shall make fun of hindus thou shall not make a speed 2
If I were God thatís what Iíd do heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God Iíd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with flip-flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the olsen twins, thou shall not cut footloose
If I were God thatís what Iíd do, heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

And when they nail my pimpled *** to the cross
Iíll tell them I found jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name jesus and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these God damn nails out theyíre beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
I canít believe itís not butter! Iíll sing as Iím flogged
Yeah thatís what I would do if I were god
So vote for me for savior and youíll go to heaven
Your lame duck lord is like kevin spacey in seven
With creepy threats of h-e-double-hockey-stick
You just canít teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I donít believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy holier than thou facade
Yeah thatís what I would do if I were god
fargoth
fargoth is offline
#12
Jan30-06, 07:15 AM
P: 400

hehe, it seems im just singing to myself
fargoth
fargoth is offline
#13
Jan30-06, 08:53 AM
P: 400
well, i couldnt help myself...

Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
Don't grumble, give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...

the music fades into the song

...always look on the bright side of life!
whistle

Always look on the bright side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten!
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,

When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps,
Just purse your lips and whistle -- that's the thing!
And... always look on the bright side of life...

whistle
Come on!

other start to join in
Always look on the bright side of life...
whistle

For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow!
Forget about your sin -- give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it -- it's the last chance anyhow!

So always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of sh*t,
When you look at it.

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!

And always look on the bright side of life...
whistle
Always look on the bright side of life
whistle
CosminaPrisma
CosminaPrisma is offline
#14
Jan30-06, 09:23 AM
P: 96
Nothing can explain this:

http://penduluminc.com/cdart/real/tambo.ram





Listen to it all the way through.
CosminaPrisma
CosminaPrisma is offline
#15
Jan30-06, 09:41 AM
P: 96
Now I just want to call someone sex bomb and see what kind of absurd reaction I get. :D
And yeah, fargoth you're songs were pretty damn funny.
rocketboy
rocketboy is offline
#16
Jan30-06, 07:22 PM
P: 251
Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet

Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket

Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker

Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so pathetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten

Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston

Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bit** wrinkle

Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so pathetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto
"Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" by the Bloodhound Gang
BobG
BobG is offline
#17
Jan31-06, 11:58 AM
Sci Advisor
HW Helper
BobG's Avatar
P: 2,275
John Prine has a couple of classics.

Quote Quote by In Spite of Ourselves (Duet with John Prine and Iris Dement)
She donít like her eggs all runny
She thinks crossiní her legs is funny
She looks down her nose at money
She gets it on like the easter bunny
Sheís my baby Iím her honey
Iím never gonna let her go

He ainít got laid in a month of sundays
I caught him once and he was sniffiní my undies
He ainít too sharp but he gets things done
Drinks his beer like itís oxygen
Heís my baby
And Iím his honey
Never gonna let him go
Quote Quote by Illegal Smile
When I woke up this morning, things were lookiní bad
Seem like total silence was the only friend I had
Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down... and won
And it was twelve oíclock before I realized
That I was haviní .. no fun
TheStatutoryApe
TheStatutoryApe is offline
#18
Jan31-06, 04:36 PM
TheStatutoryApe's Avatar
P: 1,549
I have always liked Rock Lobster but when I looked up the lyrics I realized that they aren't really funny if you just read them.

Bands I like with funny lyrics would have to include They Might Be Giants, Darkest of the Hillside Thickets, Soul Coughing, and Tom Waits.


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