Dating Physics Women

anon2000

Hi, i am not a physicist, and i am looking for a hypothetical advice here. Suppose a guy has a lot of income potential (medicine, banking, or rich parents) and wants to date a woman who is smarter than he is. Would it be hard for him to date a woman who goes to a top physics program, assuming she is not good looking, but not hideous either(that means that her physics classmates might be interested in her as well, but she and they understand that she wouldnt be in demand if she weren't successful academically)? Or do most such physics girls prefer to just stick to their own, since they have plenty of physics guys around them, who are just as smart as they are?

Jelfish

This conversation is going to be laced with poor generalizations, but I'll try to contribute something.

I go to a college with few but generally intellegent females. By virtue of being an engineering school, we tend to attract many women who are into math and science, and consequently, also have many common interests with the guys here. In general, it becomes a bit more difficult for guys to get a girlfriend here because more often than not, the girls are just friends out of common interest and such. The fact that she is a girl and sought after or perhaps objectified despite wanting to be an equal can make her resent the idea of dating altogether.

Therefore, I would say that if you're not a physicist or really into math and science, my guess is that you have a better chance of dating a 'physics girl.' I would say that physics women would probably prefer to be seen as collegues or equals by physics men rather than the departmental tna.

SpaceTiger

A lot of the physics girls I know are looking specifically for non-physicists. I think it is true that smart people tend to seek out (and get along better with) other smart people, but you certainly don't have to be a physicist to be smart. If this person has a lot of income potential due to a job in medicine or banking, then they're likely pretty sharp. If they have a lot of money because their parents do...then it depends on what else they're doing with their lives. In my experience, women (physics or otherwise) like their men to be self-sufficient.

franznietzsche

I know this one girl who is working on the theoretical aspect of phase transitions between smectic A and smectic C liquid crystals. Its seriously the hottest thing, you have no idea.

Gale

i'm a math girl and i tend to not really go for math guys. i know another girl who's into physics, and she definetly won't date someone in the field. being a math person, i really prefer to be around guys with a good understand of the basics (up through calc) and the more is better. thats why i like science guys, cause they always use math, even if they don't appreciate it the way i do, at least i can talk about my studies without blank stares or scared faces. I'd guess that a girl in physics might not necessarily only date other physics guys, but probably a guy who at least appreciates science and she can talk to about it.

and i dunno how much money has to do with it. but i guess a girl ambitious enough to study physics wouldn't be interested in a loaf.

honestrosewater

Do you think (it's a commonly held belief among these men that) a woman cannot be both your equal and a man's girlfriend/spouse/sex partner/whatever? You seem to say that the women's choices are either be their equals or date them -- you can't do both.

I don't really have anything to add yet, but FYI, she might not care how "in demand" she is.

franznietzsche

For my own part, I have zero interest in a woman who is not my equal anymore. I'm really really picky about it too, as I can get easily bored or annoyed at times. I would never seriously date anyone I didn't consider to be my intellectual equal anymore. I would just get bored in that sort of relationship.

anon2000

hey guys could you also add the following info: are you in top physics programs(ivies,etc) and/or are you speaking for students in those programs? I'm asking this because while people in undergrad or in lower ph.d. programs may be just as smart, they don't have the same aura of prestige around them. Now after answering this question, please give us some data, i.e. "my program is 10% females. Of those females, 50% are single, 10% date physicists from my program, 10% date ph.d. students from another dept", etc. Thanks!

To address another point, i doubt that physicists treat women as "TnA". It's pretty clear to me that physicists are humble and smart. They also can appreciate how smart a woman doing physics ph.d. really is, so they are the least likely to objectify her. So it seems to me that for an outsider to date a physics girl, she must first reject the men (10:1 ratio) in her dept, and then the outsider must meet the qualities that those men possess(smart+humble) and more(money). I can only offer money. And it seems if a woman is interested in money(physicists make enough money to live comfortably), then she wouldn't go into physics, it's easier to marry into money if you just major in humanities at an ivyleague school and make the right acquaintances. Obviously physics chicks are more impressed by intellect:(

Jelfish

I guess what I mean is that there is a dichotomy from being a love interest and a co-worker. And mixing those positions can be dangerous, but perhaps sometimes it is inevitable if you are a female in an environment of mostly males. I know many girls who feel that sort of frustration, that they are put into a position of being a possible love interest when they want to be seen as just another physicist or engineer without any special attention. There's definitely no reason why a woman in a sciency field couldn't be both. My point is that it may be the case that many times they don't want that and it's forced onto them (obviously I can't speak directly for women, but this is what seems to be the case based on what some of my female classmates have said). By 'equal,' I didn't mean intellegent or even a scientist, but rather a person in an environment where the role that she takes is gender-nonspecific.

anon2000

Also what are your thoughts on the following:
a) if a physics girl is specifically interested in meeting outsiders, how would she go about meeting them?
b) if an outsider is interested specifically in physics girls, should he come into gradschool seminars and try to make random conversations with physics girls and make up some legend for why he strolled into the lecture?

anon2000

But in grad school, you are still students, even if the major part of your education is research(you're not writing any grants). I thought most chicks wanted to go into professional fields(law,medicine,physics) because then they would be surrounded by successful men, whereas if they're only bartenders, they are lucky to serve a professional man.

Jelfish

I think that might be a little bit antiquated. I would think that a successful woman would not necessarily have to choose a man who is also very successful. If she's successful, she has the independence and ability to choose based on other characteristics.

I think the bottom line is - if you find someone attractive and you are genuinly interested, you should try your luck regardless. Ingraining these generalizations isn't really going to help you.

anon2000

here is the data that i have on males/females in a certain physics program, to which i have no affiliation. I can't reveal any details, only general observations. The program had about 8:1 male to female ratio. Of the 5 females, 4 married the guys in their dept. Those 4 all looked average(not hot and not hideous). 1 woman married an outsider, but she's not a typical female physicist, because she married about 5 times.. An interesting observation is that the 4 women didnt necessarily marry the best 4 physicists, that is many male physicists preferred to marry artsy women. But all those women wanted any physicist they could get.

honestrosewater

What if competing in a male-dominated field is seen as masculine/unfeminine? I think gender roles and the competition thing might be the source of the conflict here, but perhaps that's because I've felt that conflict myself (and it's different than the dating-a-coworker thing, which I imagine poses the same problems for both men and women). Anywho, sorry, anon2000, don't want to derail things.
In what country do most women still go to school to meet a husband? Are you in the US? I thought that stopped here a while ago.

anon2000

I'm pretty sure most educated women prefer to meet a man in a lab or a lecture seminar rather than at a bar. Women study hard to get into a top professional program. They are rewarded by being surrounded by successful men! And no, it is not normal for a female physicist to date a truck driver(even if he's hawt).

Moonbear

The most important thing for a woman studying a field like physics is to find a guy with a mobile career. When you get very specialized, there aren't a lot of choices of places where you can get a job that will satisfy your career goals, thus it's really a lot easier to date someone outside that field, especially if it's a field where you can work almost anywhere. One of the biggest obstacles I've seen for women trying to pursue a career in any of the sciences is meeting a man who also has a very limited choice of locations to practice his career...far too often, I've seen the women settle for following the guy wherever he can get a job, or they split up when neither is willing to give up their career for the sake of the other's career. I've never yet seen a couple where the husband follows the wife. One couple I know tried it that way, but the husband couldn't find a job where the wife did, and after several years of him staying stuck in a really lousy lab, she finally caved in and followed him where he could finally find a job.

Of course, you still have to be a guy worth dating. Earning potential alone isn't going to win you a smart woman.

franznietzsche

Always with the catches.