Critique my song...

photon

Okay, I wrote this song on whim.
Its about Heath candy bars and sung to the tune of Smash Mouth's, "I'm a Believer"

I thought joy was only found in commercials.
Meant for someone else 'till I found Heath
Cops were out to get me,
cause I stole a Heath,
Dentists and doctors haunted all my dreams...
Then I took a bite,
now I'm a Heath eater.
And all the lard, went to my behind.
Heaven above,
Gave me my Heath bar you couldn't take it if you pried...
I thought food was more or less a taken thing.
The more I eat the more I'm fat oh yeah.
What's the use of Hershy's?
All you get is cane.
When I wanted sweet bars I got plain...
Then I took a bite,
Now I'm a Heath eater.
And not a trace, of doubt in my mind.
Oh heaven above...
gave me this Heath bar you couldn't take it if you pried.
What's the use of eatin', all of that plain?
When I wanted Heath bars I got pain...
Then I took a bite...
Now I'm a believer yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Disclaimer: I'm not fat.


[:D]

J-Man

Wierd Al might pay a dollar for that...

photon

A Dollar!!??
Whoa, I'm getting richer all the time. [:D]

But Weird Al? No J-man, you just don't know musical genius when it punches you in the face. [:D] [:D]

Evo

"I'm a Believer" was first recorded by the "Monkees".

photon

Yeah, I knew it was the Monkees, but I want sure the lyrics were the same.

Tsu

Guess what! Ivan sent me to this site last night to check out photon's song, and, after reading it, I said to him "I wonder who will get in there and point out that this was a Monkee's song before Smash Mouth re-did it."
I should have KNOWN it would be my twin-sister-seperated-at-birth!
[:D] [;)]

Photon - the words are the same as far as I can tell.

Evo

Of course most people on here weren't even born when the song first came out, so they wouldn't have known the tune if he had said Monkees.

BTW, photon, funny lyrics!!!! [:D]

Tsu

Oh, THAT's it!!! Just RUB IT IN!!![:D] [g)] [g)] [g)] [g)] [o)]

Evo

Sometimes, the truth hurts... [*(]

But, ...it is what it is... [8)]

BTW Tsunami, we operate outside of time so none of this pertains to us...shhhh" [;)]