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Are some people just naturally not likeable?

by LightbulbSun
Tags: likeable, naturally, people
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LightbulbSun
#1
Jan7-07, 11:13 PM
P: 362
I'm sorry if this sounds like a self-pity thread as I don't want that to be its intent. However, I'm wondering if some of you think that some people are just perceived as naturally not likeable? When I refer to "people" I mean good-hearted people who give to others, and listen and try to help out other people for a good cause within their hearts. But sometimes these people come off the wrong way when trying to establish a connection and be sociable. They are preceived by some fabrication in another's mind that these are stalkers, rapists, mass killers, you name it. This leads to a false disposition left permanent on this person. This person is left in isolation. Definately not a favorable environment for social, mental and emotional growth. Is it just me or are some people just perceived as naturally not likeable under the premises of fear and misjudgments from others?
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Evo
#2
Jan7-07, 11:45 PM
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Quote Quote by LightbulbSun View Post
When I refer to "people" I mean good-hearted people who give to others, and listen and try to help out other people for a good cause within their hearts. But sometimes these people come off the wrong way when trying to establish a connection and be sociable. They are preceived by some fabrication in another's mind that these are stalkers, rapists, mass killers, you name it.
I honestly can't think of a single instance where a "good hearted" person was misconstrued as being a stalker, rapist, mass killer, etc.. unless they were truly unhinged. To be labeled as such there must be something seriously wrong with their behavior. I mean that they have crossed some boundary of what is acceptable in normal society. People that do charitable work are not normally thought of as psychos.
LightbulbSun
#3
Jan8-07, 12:50 AM
P: 362
Quote Quote by Evo View Post
I honestly can't think of a single instance where a "good hearted" person was misconstrued as being a stalker, rapist, mass killer, etc.. unless they were truly unhinged. To be labeled as such there must be something seriously wrong with their behavior. I mean that they have crossed some boundary of what is acceptable in normal society. People that do charitable work are not normally thought of as psychos.

I meant when they try connecting to people and become sociable is where the misconstruing lies. Not when they're acting in assistance for another.

Tzemach
#4
Jan8-07, 01:12 AM
P: 80
Are some people just naturally not likeable?

I don't think anyone is truly not likeable, someone somewhere will like them. You can't expect everyone to like everyone and as you go through life some will like you some won't it works the same for everyone. If someone is trying to do good and others suspect their motives my suggestion is "back off" wait until they ask for help, don't try so hard, it is probably embarrassing them.
mace2
#5
Jan14-07, 07:57 AM
P: 98
Certain personalities may clash, but I think there is no single personality with whom all others clash.
Crosson
#6
Jan18-07, 10:22 PM
P: 1,295
When other people perceive us in a way that we do not consider ourselves to be, we must do the following:

Change the way they see you, change the way they look at you. Don't change what you say or do, this is the part that you can't change, but you can change the way people look at you to be better in line with how you think of yourself.

When the action is appropriate, and the reaction is bad, change the perception.
LightbulbSun
#7
Jan20-07, 08:45 AM
P: 362
Quote Quote by Crosson View Post
When other people perceive us in a way that we do not consider ourselves to be, we must do the following:

Change the way they see you, change the way they look at you. Don't change what you say or do, this is the part that you can't change, but you can change the way people look at you to be better in line with how you think of yourself.

When the action is appropriate, and the reaction is bad, change the perception.
Good advice.
gabee
#8
Jan20-07, 09:51 AM
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Quote Quote by Crosson View Post
When other people perceive us in a way that we do not consider ourselves to be, we must do the following:

Change the way they see you, change the way they look at you. Don't change what you say or do, this is the part that you can't change, but you can change the way people look at you to be better in line with how you think of yourself.

When the action is appropriate, and the reaction is bad, change the perception.
Amen!

It seems to me that there are some preconceptions that many people inadvertently have, even if they're not true.
I grew my hair out a bit a couple of years ago, and I noticed a little change in the way people interacted with me--it's almost like they perceived me to be a different "kind" of person. Last week I cut my hair short again and it might be too early to call, but I've already noticed a change in how people respond.

It's not the "norm" to have long hair, and people have "ideas" about what people with long hair are like. I guess it's a fact that often people judge you based on what you look like or your immediate behavior, and then if they get to know you a little better their perceptions will change.
arildno
#9
Jan20-07, 10:15 AM
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Remember:
People (including yourself and myself) do NOT in general form judgments of others guided by strictly objective, rational criteria.

One reason for that is that just about any action can be interpreted as indicative of many personalities/motives, and only rarely suffice to discover the "true" personality or motive.

But, we judge NONETHELESS.
Hence, we are subconsciously using extraneous criteria in making up our minds about some individual.

For example:
Compare the discussion situations where in the one situation, a staggeringly handsome individual makes an objectively rather inane comment, and in the other situation, an ugly individual makes the very same comment.

We would be naive to think that the physical appearance of the speaker won't prime the others' judgment of them in different directions.
It is quite probable that the handsome guy will be regarded as "a charming, uncomplicated fellow", whereas the ugly one will be regarded as "an obnoxious idiot".

Sad, but true.
-Job-
#10
Jan20-07, 11:23 AM
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Quote Quote by gabee View Post
Amen!

It seems to me that there are some preconceptions that many people inadvertently have, even if they're not true.
I grew my hair out a bit a couple of years ago, and I noticed a little change in the way people interacted with me--it's almost like they perceived me to be a different "kind" of person. Last week I cut my hair short again and it might be too early to call, but I've already noticed a change in how people respond.

It's not the "norm" to have long hair, and people have "ideas" about what people with long hair are like. I guess it's a fact that often people judge you based on what you look like or your immediate behavior, and then if they get to know you a little better their perceptions will change.
Is there any chance your long hair influenced your own behavior which then altered people's response?
LightbulbSun
#11
Jan20-07, 09:34 PM
P: 362
Quote Quote by arildno View Post
Remember:
People (including yourself and myself) do NOT in general form judgments of others guided by strictly objective, rational criteria.

One reason for that is that just about any action can be interpreted as indicative of many personalities/motives, and only rarely suffice to discover the "true" personality or motive.

But, we judge NONETHELESS.
Hence, we are subconsciously using extraneous criteria in making up our minds about some individual.

For example:
Compare the discussion situations where in the one situation, a staggeringly handsome individual makes an objectively rather inane comment, and in the other situation, an ugly individual makes the very same comment.

We would be naive to think that the physical appearance of the speaker won't prime the others' judgment of them in different directions.
It is quite probable that the handsome guy will be regarded as "a charming, uncomplicated fellow", whereas the ugly one will be regarded as "an obnoxious idiot".

Sad, but true.

Your example is a good example of when looks alter the reaction of a statement, an action or a joke. A good looking person has the room to make several bad jokes, while an ugly person will just receive dirty looks or be told to shut up.
VonWeber
#12
Jan20-07, 11:34 PM
P: 44
Quote Quote by LightbulbSun View Post
I'm sorry if this sounds like a self-pity thread as I don't want that to be its intent. However, I'm wondering if some of you think that some people are just perceived as naturally not likeable? When I refer to "people" I mean good-hearted people who give to others, and listen and try to help out other people for a good cause within their hearts. But sometimes these people come off the wrong way when trying to establish a connection and be sociable. They are preceived by some fabrication in another's mind that these are stalkers, rapists, mass killers, you name it. This leads to a false disposition left permanent on this person. This person is left in isolation. Definately not a favorable environment for social, mental and emotional growth. Is it just me or are some people just perceived as naturally not likeable under the premises of fear and misjudgments from others?
It's possible that someone can give a false impressions, be very socially inept, or be unlucky enough to have a personality that most people find them annoying or boring. I think girls these days are very wary of men, especially men with unusual personalities and are quick to assume they are stalkers, rapists, etc. However, it's also possible for people to have a defective guidance system where they pursue friendships and relationships with people that don't have any interest in someone with their type of personality. For whatever reason, they lack interest in forming relationships to people they would be compatible with.
VonWeber
#13
Jan20-07, 11:37 PM
P: 44
Quote Quote by VonWeber View Post
It's possible that someone can give a false impressions, be very socially inept, or be unlucky enough to have a personality that most people find them annoying or boring. I think girls these days are very wary of men, especially men with unusual personalities and are quick to assume they are stalkers, rapists, etc. However, it's also possible for people to have a defective guidance system where they pursue friendships and relationships with people that don't have any interest in someone with their type of personality. For whatever reason, they lack interest in forming relationships to people they would be compatible with.
Maybe I'm sugar coating too much? Appearance is also a big part of how we judge people. I would image that ugly people have a harder time as well.
Crosson
#14
Jan21-07, 05:23 AM
P: 1,295
Ugly and handsome are more about personality then looks. One way to demonstrate this is to see some convincingly cross-gendered folks i.e. male-female qualities are more about personality then looks!
gabee
#15
Jan21-07, 08:48 AM
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P: 179
Quote Quote by -Job- View Post
Is there any chance your long hair influenced your own behavior which then altered people's response?
I've thought about that, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case. I was expecting people to react in the same way, but suddenly everyone was FRIENDLIER! lol. It was an interesting result, since hair is a major part of your appearance that can be changed so easily.

Quote Quote by VonWeber View Post
Maybe I'm sugar coating too much? Appearance is also a big part of how we judge people. I would image that ugly people have a harder time as well.
That's true, I would speculate that people make their judgements based on appearance immediately, whereas making judgements based on personality to counter their first impression takes somewhat longer.
cristo
#16
Jan21-07, 09:05 AM
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Quote Quote by VonWeber View Post
I think girls these days are very wary of men, especially men with unusual personalities and are quick to assume they are stalkers, rapists, etc.
There's a massive difference between someone with an unusual personality, and someone who's a stalker. I don't know what girls you know that would automatically presume that the former implies the latter, but in my experience, girls who have told me that guys they have met are "stalkers" have very valid reasons for thinking this! And as for labelling people with unusual personalities as "rapists"-- this just doesn't happen, unless, again, there is a valid reason!
LightbulbSun
#17
Jan21-07, 09:33 AM
P: 362
Quote Quote by cristo View Post
There's a massive difference between someone with an unusual personality, and someone who's a stalker. I don't know what girls you know that would automatically presume that the former implies the latter, but in my experience, girls who have told me that guys they have met are "stalkers" have very valid reasons for thinking this! And as for labelling people with unusual personalities as "rapists"-- this just doesn't happen, unless, again, there is a valid reason!

Not necessairly. I've heard girls call guys "rapists" before from just the guy being really friendly with the girl, but has no intention of raping her.
LightbulbSun
#18
Jan21-07, 09:43 AM
P: 362
Quote Quote by VonWeber View Post
It's possible that someone can give a false impressions, be very socially inept, or be unlucky enough to have a personality that most people find them annoying or boring. I think girls these days are very wary of men, especially men with unusual personalities and are quick to assume they are stalkers, rapists, etc. However, it's also possible for people to have a defective guidance system where they pursue friendships and relationships with people that don't have any interest in someone with their type of personality. For whatever reason, they lack interest in forming relationships to people they would be compatible with.
I think a defective guidance system is a pretty reasonable explanation, however I don't think a female should be so cynical of a friendly male. That's just forming a stereotype.


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