Online Dating

Mk

Anybody here ever try online dating? I think it is starting to get more credit from back when it started—people are complete losers that try it, and that nothing good ever culminates. Are there any stores, thoughts, or personal experiences with it from people here?

hypatia

I met my {now} husband on line. In a large breed dog rescue chat site. We chatted about a year befor I felt comfortable enough to meet. Then I made him meet me in the lobby of my local Police Dept. Cop friends of mine ran his plates then gave me a nod, lol, he had no police history, and in fact was a reserve cop in another county.
We had made plans to go to a movie, so I called my son and invited him and his girlfriend to join us. Later he told me that it was much worse then his first dates as a teen, when you had to meet the fathers.
We dated about a year and a half then married. Honestly, if I had met him befor knowing him via chat, I wouldnt of paid any mind to him at all. Mostly because if he dosent know you, he is really shy.

Evo

For the past 10 years, I have only dated men I met online. The quality of men I meet online far surpass those I meet locally.

I know several people on PF right now that have significant others that they met online.

russ_watters

I've been on a number of dates through eHarmony in the past two years and I guess you could say two turned into "relationships". So far, I've yet to have what I would call a "bad" date and would agree with Evo that the quality is better, but just as important, you know what you are getting ahead of time.

My sister met her now fiance on Match.com and it is kinda funny - she hasn't told my parents that and didn't even tell me until they had been dating for a year. I guess she felt a little weird about it - an opinion shared more by girls than guys in my experience. I guess that's because "meant to be" means Romeo should be picking you up at a bar, with a cheezy pick-up line.

Moonbear

Okay, I'm never the typical "girl" anyway, so I guess that's why I don't mind telling people I met the guy currently sitting next to me online. We actually met at the OKCupid site (would have never met him on eHarmony since apparently they actually DO reject some people, and I guess he's too weird for them, but just right for me. ). But, I didn't go looking for anyone there...was just having fun goofing around with the quizzes Evo and others kept posting from there...so it was more of a way of just finding similarly goofy people who share an interest. My first message to him was to laugh at OKCupid matching us as a "local" match when we live about 9 hours apart.

dontdisturbmycircles

While I haven't ventured into internet dating websites yet, I can testify that they can work. I have relatives who met online and are now married (Going on 3 years now I think, though the relationship is probably going on more like 6 years) :-)

Evo

I think the stigma goes back to placing adds in the "personals" section of the local paper. That was for people that couldn't even get picked up in a bar.

Now you'd be amazed at who are on online dating services.

out of whack

No personal experience here, my marriage predates the world wide web. But my brother has used an online service after his divorce and thinks highly of it, at least as an introductory service. Instead of haphazardly fumbling through the bar scene and other places without knowing anything about anyone there, these services gave him a head start by locating partners that are at least likely to be compatible. He had a few short dates that didn't click but which he found pleasant nonetheless since both individuals knew and accepted that such a relatively formal meeting may not provide a match, which removes a lot of the pressure. It appears to be a perfectly good approach.

Of course, there are successes and failures just like any other forms of dating. My brother found love and dated one lady for about a year before having a fallout that broke his heart. Hey, this is real life. Some time later he eventually went back "on the market" as he called it. After a few introductions he found his current match. I think it has been two years now, and things are going well.

Overall, online dating services seem perfectly fine and I don't think there is much stigma attached to them anymore, if any.

NeoDevin

My biggest problem with the online scene (and no, I haven't tried it, I'm already married to someone I met at a bar ) Is that the people you meet might have too much in common, your attitudes towards life will be too similar. The reason my wife and I work so well together is because of our differences. She is very home oriented, and excellent at planning, where I'm more action/career oriented and spontaneous. If I went online looking for someone who was like me, I wouldn't have as good of a home life as she makes for me, and nothing would ever get planned in advance. As it is, we get the best of both worlds.

Jimmy Snyder

My brother met his wife online and they just clicked. Given the history of how human beings met their spouses, I doubt that the web is much better or worse than any other meet market.

Moonbear

True. I've certainly met complete duds online too, but I think with a bit less frequency than meeting guys in bars and such. If you're not a church-goer, so aren't going to meet people through those sorts of functions, are are past school age (of whatever level), so aren't going to meet like-minded people there, it's hard to find venues to meet single people with things in common and a way to get to know them enough to decide they're worth dating. I started out as a total skeptic on the whole internet dating thing after looking at profile after profile and thinking, "Ewwwwwwww! No wonder they're still single!" But, then, I think the same thing when guys hit on me in bars too. And, then I stumbled across someone nice while not even looking to meet anyone, and that's similar to meeting someone nice who just happens to cross your path in any other venue. And it sure works better than having the meddling relatives trying to set you up on blind dates!

Oh, and not everyone I know who met online met through dating sites either. Some of the people I know have met through forums where people with similar interests will gather.

Of course, you do also have more cases of people pretending to be someone they aren't that you have to watch out for. Not just the guy in the bar who says he's a doctor when he works as a construction worker, but the person with photos of an attractive woman who isn't even female, or who doesn't match those photos, or who does a mysterious disappearing act when you suggest meeting in person. People can lie about things about themselves in person too, but not to the same extent that they can pretend to be someone completely different as they can online.

Talking to my friends, I'm learning that more and more professional women are looking for dates this way, so I would assume (or hope) more professional men are using this approach too. They're the ones who don't have time or interest to go hang out at a lot of bars and clubs or church suppers just trying to meet up with someone to date. You can apply simple filtering criteria like, "Can he string more than two sentences together, and use words with more than two syllables?" or, "Did anything in his message indicate he bothered to read past the photo?" (I get a lot of those messages on OKCupid too, and they just get deleted.)

Moonbear

Actually, that's less of a problem with online dating as it is a problem with people's lack of insight into what really makes a good partner for themselves. You need to have some things in common, but sometimes, as you say, the differences are what make the relationship work if they complement each other well. For example, I'm very organized, like to plan things ahead, and am rather stubborn that my way is of course the right way. If I met a guy just like that, we'd spend more time fighting and trying to kill each other than getting anything done. On the other hand, someone too different, who never plans anything, and was completely disorganized would drive me nuts. Instead, someone who is somewhat organized, can keep to a schedule, but is laid back about things and doesn't really care if someone else wants to do all the planning works well for me.

Ivan Seeking

The last time that I dated, there was no such thing as "online".

Mk

Jeez, I know. I didn't even use the internet until less than ten years ago, let alone date anybody.

What? What kind of rejection letter do they give you? "You're too weird for us"?

radou

Well, apparently it does work.

I had a few dates (couldn't really call them dates, though), and it was kinda dissapointing. But that's not the point, the point is that all the people I met online were more or less the same in person (their personalities, or at least the most significant parts of them), so, actually, you can get to know someone online.

The point is, you can meet great people online, people who wouldn't attract you if you just simply met them (let's say a friend introduced them to you or so). And that's nice, because it opens your mind in a different way.

Astronuc

The last time I was single, there was no such thing as "online". The closest thing to online was the telephone.

I've been dating the same woman for over 26 years. We've been officially married for nearly 25 years.

mattmns

My dad and his wife (step-mom) met online 7 or 8 years ago, and are still going strong today.