Lame Jokes

Isaacsname

You what the difference between an accordion and an onion is ?

Nobody's going to cry if you cut up an accordion.

Isaacsname

I'm a piece of wood, ask me a question.

Sorry, I'm board.

Psyguy22

Dirty joke: billy fell In mud
Clean joke: billy took a bath
Clean joke: billy took a bath with bubbles
Dirty joke: bubbles was his neighbour.

Isaacsname

I've heard a variant of that one.

" Did you ever blow bubbles ? " <---ask somebody

" Yes, I did " <--- usual answer

" Well he's back in town, he wants you to give him a call " <---- zinger

Psyguy22

Lol. mind if I use that?

Isaacsname

All my jokes are free of charge, you only have to listen to them.

Psyguy22

If you have three pancakes, and I have 13 blueberries, how many churros can we make out of leaves?
Blue because all aliens have long fingers.

dkotschessaa

My favorite joke when I was a kid:
Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.

They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."

So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.

Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"

The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Ibix

I used to be vain. But I got rid of the problem, and now I'm perfect.

FreeMitya

Some people like observational humour, I prefer obfuscational humour. (Yes, I made up a word.)

Lancelot59

It's not made up at all. In fact there are whole competitions based around it:

http://www.ioccc.org/

Psyguy22

When does the Chinese guy go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty! (2:30)

fuzzyfelt

It would be nicer if hedgehogs shared hedges.

Rooted

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' and he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What?... because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really, really, heavy'

Ibix

Did you here the joke about the cow that swallowed dynamite? It's abominable.

Jimmy Snyder

A fish monger had a beautiful and expensive sign made saying "Fresh fish sold here" to hang in front of his shop. However, one of his customers pointed out that the word 'here' is unnecessary since the fish monger didn't sell them anywhere else. So he painted over that word. Afterwards, another customer told him that the sign needn't say 'sold' since no fish store gives fish away for free. So he painted over that word. Then someone said there was no need to say 'fresh' since no one wants to buy any other kind of fish anyway and he painted over that word. Later another said that the word 'fish' was redundant since anyone could smell the store from a block away and know what was sold there. So he painted over the last word.

fuzzyfelt

^
Sweet.