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## Lame Jokes

 Quote by BobG John, the farmer, was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), also called 'pullets,' and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance which rooster was performing Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen. But on this particular morning, John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all. John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets all over the place with bells-a-ringing. The pullets, upon hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair, and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result.. The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize, but they awarded him the pullet surprise as well.

Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? He was out standing in his field.
 Ok. A physicist, an engineer, and a mathmatician are stranded on a desert island with only a can of beans to eat, but no can-opener. The physicist says: "Ok. What we need to do is build a fire, put the can of beans on the fire and the pressure will build up and blow off the top of the can." The engineer says: "No, no, no. That will blow the beans everywhere and we will lose our only food. We need to find a sharp rock and bash open the top of the can. That is the best way." The mathematician says: "Wait! I've got it!: Assume a can-opener..."
 S: Heisenberg was driving really fast down the road and a cop pulls him over. The cop says "sir do you know how fast you were going" and then Heisenberg says "No, but I know exactly where I am!". Q: What kind of fish has two knees? A: A TuuNee Fish! Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: A Fssssshhh.
 Recognitions: Gold Member Science Advisor Staff Emeritus What did Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist manipesto.
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 $$\int \frac{d(cabin)}{(cabin)} = ?$$

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 Quote by Ivan Seeking What did Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist manipesto.
Was he the one who said "Those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it"?

Mentors: I don't know if that has already been posted. If I have forgotten the post, you are doomed to delete it.

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 Quote by Helios $$\int \frac{d(cabin)}{(cabin)} = ?$$
A log cabin. Hilarious

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 Quote by jimmysnyder Was he the one who said "Those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it"?
I'm a sucker for dumb jokes.
 Did you hear the one about the two peanuts that got on the subway? One of them was assaulted. Lame, but cute.

 Quote by enigma A horse walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at it and asks: "So, why the long face?"
 2 pirates are stranded on an island with only one bottle of water. They decide to ration it out between the two of them. One pirate points to the bottle and explains that he gets this half and that the other one gets the other half. In the morning the first pirate finds that all the water is gone. Angry, he demands an explanation from the other pirate. The other pirate says, "I had to go through your half of the bottle to get to mine".
 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

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 Quote by bassplayer142 2 pirates are stranded on an island with only one bottle of water. They decide to ration it out between the two of them. One pirate points to the bottle and explains that he gets this half and that the other one gets the other half. In the morning the first pirate finds that all the water is gone. Angry, he demands an explanation from the other pirate. The other pirate says, "I had to go through your half of the bottle to get to mine".
Then they discovered a second bottle of water. The first pirate said "Remember, the top half is yours and the bottom half is mine.". The next morning, all the water was gone again and there was a straw in the bottle.

 Quote by Kurdt A log cabin. Hilarious
No, it's a house boat: ln(cabin)+c. You really went along with that joke.
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• Someone needled a well-known wit: "I had your wife, without paying a penny". He replied: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?"

• An Abderite sees a eunuch talking with a woman and asks him if she's his wife. The guy responds that a eunuch is unable to have a wife. "Ah, so she's your daughter? "

• A misogynist is attending to the burial of his wife, who has just died, when someone asks: "Who is it who rests in peace here?". He answers: "Me, now that I'm rid of her!"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7725079.stm

 The 265 jokes in Philogelos are attributed to a pair of jokers called Hierocles and Philagrius, about whom very little is known. ... The book has been translated by William Berg, an American professor of Classics. "The text of Philogelos comes to us from several manuscripts ranging from the 11th to the 15th Centuries," Berg said. "All of them trace back to an earlier original, probably - judging from the content and language - from the 4th Century."