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Lame Jokes

by quddusaliquddus
Tags: jokes, lame
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DaveC426913
#1621
Aug16-11, 08:29 AM
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Quote Quote by jtbell View Post
Did you hear about the psychiatrist and the proctologist who opened a joint practice? They called it "Odds and Ends."
So this gynaecologist decides he wants to become an engine mechanic...
BobG
#1622
Aug16-11, 01:49 PM
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Quote Quote by Ivan Seeking View Post
Heads or tails?

Have you ever wondered what drives a person to become a proctologist? When I was a kid, I liked playing with engines and electronics, my chemistry set, and anything that looked technical. This was certainly predictive of my future interests. As for proctologists, what did they play with as kids?

Here kitty kitty kitty?
When people at a party find out you're an engineer, they usually say they thought about becoming an engineer, but decided not to because they weren't any good at math. I wonder what they say when they find out a person is a proctologist? (probably not "Let me shake your hand!")
FlexGunship
#1623
Aug16-11, 02:03 PM
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Quote Quote by BobG View Post
When people at a party find out you're an engineer, they usually say they thought about becoming an engineer, but decided not to because they weren't any good at math. I wonder what they say when they find out a person is a proctologist?
"Oh, you're a proctologist? I never, even for a brief glimmer of a moment, remotely considered becoming a proctologist."
Borek
#1624
Aug16-11, 02:11 PM
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Ivan Seeking
#1625
Aug17-11, 01:00 AM
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Quote Quote by Borek View Post
Poor proctologists; always the butt of the joke.

If you want to logon to the proctologists network, just type C: [Enter]
Isaacsname
#1626
Aug17-11, 12:28 PM
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The Redneck Medical Dictionary:

Artery- The study of paintings.
Bacteria- Back door to cafeteria.
Barium- What doctors do when patients die.
Benign- What you be after you be eight.
Catscan- Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize- Made eye contact with her.
Cesarean Section- A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic- A sheep dog.
Coma- A punctuation mark.
D&C- Where Washington is.
Dilate- To live long.
Enema- Not a friend.
Fester- Quicker than someone else.
Fibula- A small lie.
Genital- Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series- World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail- What you hang your coat on.
Impotent- Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain- Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff- A Doctor's cane.
Morbid- A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates- Cheaper than day rates.
Node- I knew it.
Outpatient- A person who has fainted.
Ovaries- You get to try again.
Pap Smear- A fatherhood test.
Pelvis- Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative- A letter carrier.
Recovery Room- Place to do upholstery.
Rectum- Dang near killed him.
Secretion- Hiding something.
Seizure- Roman emperor.
Tablet- A small table.
Terminal Illness- Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor- More than one.
Urine- Opposite of you're out.
Varicose- Near by/close by.
Ivan Seeking
#1627
Aug18-11, 12:27 PM
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As a premed student at Washington University in St. Louis, I had to
take a difficult class in physics. One day our professor was
discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely
interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does
physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied
the professor.
----
jtbell
#1628
Aug19-11, 02:13 PM
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Archduke Otto von Habsburg, who died recently at the age of 98, was once told about an upcoming Austria-Hungary football (soccer) match. His response: "Who are we playing?"
OmCheeto
#1629
Aug20-11, 12:21 PM
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One of my facebook friends posted the following this morning:

Quote Quote by Om's friend
Today my sweet little angle turns 9, Happy Birthday Ty!
My response:

Quote Quote by Me
Hes acute little angle. :)
Char. Limit
#1630
Aug20-11, 01:32 PM
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Quote Quote by OmCheeto View Post
One of my facebook friends posted the following this morning:



My response:



I like this post.
OmCheeto
#1631
Aug20-11, 02:41 PM
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Quote Quote by Char. Limit View Post
I like this post.
It's been 5 hours now, and no one has made comment about my joke.

You really need to marry your girlfriend, and have about between 5 million and 3 billion kids.

Otherwise......
DaveC426913
#1632
Aug20-11, 06:49 PM
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We get it.
HeLiXe
#1633
Aug20-11, 07:02 PM
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lolz
Borek
#1634
Aug21-11, 02:33 AM
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Actually I didn't get it till this morning, so I couldn't comment on earlier.

But now, that I know what I am commenting on, I like it.
OmCheeto
#1635
Aug21-11, 09:44 AM
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Quote Quote by Borek View Post
Actually I didn't get it till this morning, so I couldn't comment on earlier.

But now, that I know what I am commenting on, I like it.
I can relate. I just now got jtbell's joke. It took me two days!:

Quote Quote by jtbell View Post
Archduke Otto von Habsburg, who died recently at the age of 98, was once told about an upcoming Austria-Hungary football (soccer) match. His response: "Who are we playing?"
Ivan Seeking
#1636
Aug24-11, 10:04 PM
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My eyes aren't so good anymore and at first I read a thread title in GD as "Boobs that changed your life". As I rushed to type the first of a hundred stories swirling in memory, I realized that the title was "Books that changed your life".

Well darn, that's not nearly as interesting.
HeLiXe
#1637
Aug25-11, 01:19 AM
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Quote Quote by Ivan Seeking View Post
My eyes aren't so good anymore and at first I read a thread title in GD as "Boobs that changed your life"
I don't even know what the rest of your post says lololll
Borek
#1638
Aug25-11, 04:24 AM
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When your wife tells you to switch roles in the bed, don't tell her you have a terrible headache.


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