How to drive in New Jersey

Evo

I used to have to drive across New Jersey and back everyday. This made me laugh.

How to drive in New Jersey

First, you must learn how to pronounce Newark.... It is New-erk, not New-ark. (Actually, it's pronounced 'NORK'.)

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3.. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph.
On the Garden State Parkway it's 105 or 110.
Anything less is considered 'Wussy.'

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Monmouth County, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. EVER.
It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit 'more exciting'.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebrities, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the homeless feeding on any of these items.

9. Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do. And all the Turnpike EZ pass lanes are moved each night, once again to make your ride 'more exciting'.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated.'

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

Follow these simple tips and perhap you should make it through the day alive in New Jersey ...

You gotta problem wit dat ???

Math Is Hard

I wouldn't survive. I'd be absolutely petrified to drive there.

Astronuc

I thought Newark was pronounced Noo-wrk, and the state is Noo JoyZee, and LI is Lonk I-lnd.

Several other items sound like Boston. The first time I drove there - from the airport, through the tunnel - was interesting. I'd never seen people hanging out the window cursing at other drivers and resorting to hand signals. But then I'd never seen 8-10 lanes (2 from the left, 2 from the right, and 4-6 (it was hard to tell at times) in a fantail arrangement)).

NJ signage is either incomprehensible or non-existent. The same can be said for parts of NY City and lower Westchester County.

Oh - and go right to go left, and several rights make a U-turn.

turbo

New Jersey drivers are bad. Boston drivers are FAR worse, ruder, and more likely to cause personal trouble. I have had to drive in lots of lots of cities (often in unfamiliar rental-cars in my consulting business) and Boston is the worst ever. I live within striking distance of Boston and always drove my own vehicles there, so I was in the most familiar conveyances, and still it was FAR worse than driving rentals through Manhattan, Atlanta, Indianapolis, Phillie, etc. I included the other cities because they have their own particular traffic problems, but for personal stress inflicted on drivers, Boston is tops.

Ben Niehoff

It sounds like it could possibly be worse than LA.

I've learned to deal with LA traffic by just driving forward and ignoring anybody using their horn. Oh, and learning where the convenient side streets are and easy places to turn left...

turbo

Boston is an old town, with the main streets coming in like spokes on a hub. The layout is nasty, and the drivers are FAR worse.

Jimmy Snyder

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

mbisCool

I always thought it was funny how in Jersey If you are making a left you just gun it instead of yielding because of the lack of left turn lanes, at least in the city.

mgb_phys

Pah - I've driven in Paris - in a right hand drive car.

You know those movies of German troops marching through Paris? It's because they were scared to drive!

Office_Shredder

In which city?

From my experience there's a lot more speeding on the Turnpike... even I've gone 85 on the turnpike, and I never go over 70. And the EZ pass lane placement is spot on

EDIT TO ADD: The driving in paris is pretty intense

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsHdlnXiH28

gravenewworld

You need to drive at least 105 mph in the left lane on the NJ turnpike. Even then you will be tailgated.

humanino

You should try Milano. Italian people can not stop talking, and it requires both hands.

Evo

Palermo, Italy is the worst. Imagine driving through Boston, but all of the other drivers are blindfolded and smoking crack.

sas3

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past ten years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, $hit!"

Only the state of Wisconsin was different, where 96.4 percent of the final words were -
"Hey, hold my beer I want to try something!"

russ_watters

Another important thing about New Jersey driving: It costs a lot of money to get out of New Jersey (every bridge has a big toll on the way out only - like $3), but it's worth every penny.

Huckleberry

Never been off the freeway in New Jersey, but even that is annoying. Yeah, there are tons of tolls. Only toll road I remember near Boston is the Mass Turnpike.

As far as driving conditions in the U.S. I would have to say Boston is the worst. I grew up about 30 miles from Boston and I avoided driving there whenever possible. The place is a maze of one-way roads and over-caffeinated, aggressive, discourteous drivers that train themselves through red lights. Especially in winter the two lane roads become one lane roads with traffic heading in both directions. Good luck finding parking. It's terrible! I recommend taking the T to the train station.

LA is hectic too. Only been there a few times, but I remember lots of traffic moving very fast and very close together. Switching lanes was like dodging bullets at times. But at least I got some satisfaction from the fact that I was actually getting somewhere.

It's funny though. I've driven through all of these cities except Riverside and I don't remember any of them being as frustrating as driving in Boston. Eh, maybe it's cause I grew up there, or because I was trying to navigate my way through the city and not just sticking to the freeway.

(Oops. I have been through San Bernardino on the Interstate 10)

cristo

Impressive! Have you taken on the Place de L'Etoile?