Help, I've fallen for an astrophysicst!

Klute

I am a young woman of 26 who loves astronomy. I am a post graduate art student and have fallen for an astrophysicst I met though my local astronomical society when he came along to star parties or to give talks. He is not generally regarded as handsome and I must admit when I first met him I was not immediately attracted to him but after getting to know him better I saw him with new eyes. He radiates such intelligence, kindness and humility that he has that rarest of qualities, a kind of true beauty which does not diminish with age. He is 33, single and little shy although he always seeks me out to say hello and chat at these events so I think that he does like me a little as a friend at least. He is very clever and holds a post doctoral position at a good university here in the UK. I want so much to know him better but I worry that he may not be satisfied with a woman who could not fully or even partly understand his work. I do not think I am stupid, I was bright at school, I enjoyed science but shone at art and music and studied art at degree level and on to a post graduate degree in fine art which I feel is the correct path for me. I am still actively involved in amateur astronomy and enjoy reading popular science books by writers such as John Gribbin and Roger Penrose. However I could not pretend to have a firm grasp on any of it without the math. I am told I am pretty and I have a decent figure. I am a warm, loving woman who would go to the ends of the earth for the right man and if I thought that this man would have me I'd give myself to him in a heartbeat. But could a logical scientist be satisfied with an irrational artist? Is that enough to make him happy or do men like that, like you perhaps need a woman who can truly understand their mind? Would I ever be enough for him? Perhaps I should just stop worrying and ask him out? What do you think?

turbo

Men don't need women to understand everything they do in their work, so don't fret. I am a scientist partly though my past career(s) and partly through current research work. I am also a fairly serious amateur astronomer-astrophotographer. I am also a musician, and for years I hosted weekly open-mike jams at a local tavern - generally blues, rock, and jazz, but I kept it loose. Improvisation with others is a blast. My wife can't carry a tune in a basket, nor does she understand chemistry, optics, or astrophysics. That's OK. She is the love of my life and we have been together for over 35 years. Never let the "right" person fall through the cracks based on preconceptions and self-doubt.

DaveC426913

That's what I think. Ask him out.

A good relationship celebrates differences in interests. Worked for me 17 years ago.

Have you never watched the magic between Dharma and Greg??

DanP

I think this really hits the spot. Relationships which I had with women with a very close personality to mine and focused on most of the same interests ended up in a lot of sparks. Imagine dating an opposite sex yourself. Its kinda funny in the beginning ...

Some common interests are OK though. But you seem you to already have those, you love astronomy for example.

It's really worth to go after him. Ask him out and build up from there, things tend to work out by themselves. Most of the time at least.

mgb_phys

Remember if he is an astrophysicist he may not know anything about astronomy.

One Cambrige prof described meeting his then girlfriend's family as a young grad student many years ago - they were concerned that he didn't have a proper job when he explained what he did. So the father took him outside to name some stars as a test, the guy worked on the microwave background and could just about recognise the moon.
Apparenlty it took a few letters from his own prof and head of the dept to convince the father that he wasn't a fraud!

Evo

Ask him out and stop worrying. You are looking for a romantic relationship not an academic collaboration. You sound like a nice person.

DanP

Excellent story man , Ill make sure to remember this for further use. Full credits will be given to you

Moonbear

An astrophysicist?! Oh no! Run!

Just kidding.

Just remember, when normal couples go out to gaze at the stars, he's actually going to want to point out specific stars, constellations, planets, satellites, get out the telescope for a closer look, etc. It won't be the romantic staring at the sky as an excuse to cuddle up you're expecting.

Otherwise, have fun and enjoy!

mgb_phys

Isn't that a Gamov story? he's out with a girl and she says aren't the stars beautiful and he replies, yes - and I'm the only person in the world that knows why they shine.

turbo

I just took Duke out for a walk, saw a few meteors (North to South, so likely straggler Leonids) and got a wonderful view of the 7 sisters, and saw Cygnus flying along the dark rift in the Milky Way. My knowledge of this stuff did not in any way detract from our nice walk, though Duke stopped short when a coyote let out a long mournful wail from not too deep in the woods. There was a pretty heavy critter (likely a deer) breaking branches and shuffling through the leaves running parallel to my West property line. Duke wanted to follow that noise but I'm not one for crashing through the woods in pitch-blackness just for fun.

To the OP, you can have a lot of fun together even if you and your significant other do not fully appreciate one another's knowledge. Go for it!

lisab

Klute, what will you regret more at some distant time in your future: that you asked him out, or that you didn't?

It's hard living with regret for some thing you did. But in my experience, it's much harder to live with regret for things you *didn't* do...this kind just seems to linger and linger.

So do it, ask him out.

DanP

One of my fav quotes, I think I already posted it once in a similar thread on this board:

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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the tradewinds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain
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Klute

Thank you all for your sage advice and encouragement. Honestly I have never felt about anyone or anything the way I do about this man and I think I just find it, perhaps childishly a bit scary but thrilling as well. I should see him at an event later this week so with any luck I should have a chance to speak to him and I can suggest doing something together soon

Wish me luck!

P.S. While his field of professional study is specific, he still loves good old fashioned observing!

turbo

Good luck!

Evo

Good luck! Just don't blow it the way I did with one of my ex boyfriends. We met online first. I was intrigued by who this man was, he never gave me a name. Finaly after 3 days he wrote me "my name is XXX, google me". HOLY CRAP!! Three hours later I was still reading articles about him. He was the LORD HIGH MUCKETY MUCK of Academia in the United States, and in the world in his field. And from one of the richest families. I was so in awe, that even after he flew me up to stay with him, I was so in awe, I was a mess. Had fun going through his museums though. Don't blow it like I did.

Klute

Yikes .... I'll try not to blow it although I am quite a bit in awe of him! I think it helps that we already know each other in the flesh so to speak.

Sounds like quite an encounter you had with your scholarly gentleman!

lisab

Ah snap...Mark Twain said it better than I did...go figure!

But yes, Dan, I agree...that's truly *great* advice.