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New Year's resolution

by Math Is Hard
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Borek
#19
Jan5-10, 04:49 PM
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Quote Quote by Math Is Hard View Post
Or we could go visit Poland! People seem friendly there.
Friendly - 100%. English speaking - 50%.

But I suppose this statistics is somewhat skewed, we are not exactly typical.

Edit: and from what I read many of us ride the same wagon...

To ride the same wagon - I wonder if that's really in English, or did I made it up?
zoobyshoe
#20
Jan5-10, 05:37 PM
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Quote Quote by Math Is Hard View Post
The older I get, the more friends I lose, and the harder it is to make new ones. I'm in my early 40s now. My friends have gotten married, had kids, moved away. I have only one friend I do things with but she lives almost an hour away and is busy with her kiddo a lot.
And it just gets worse. As you know I'm 12 or something years older than you. People my age are busy being old: increasingly mentally restricting themselves to behaviors and attitudes they think are age appropriate for them. Going out to eat, going to a movie, getting together for cards, seems too adventurous, too outside the box for them.

5 or 6 years ago I accidentally fell in with a huge society of people in their late teens and early 20's when I started hanging out at this particular cafe. Now I have no end of friends and acquaintances. They're always itching for novelty. What I do with these idle hands as often as I can is get them to sit down and doodle with my colored pencils. This reminds them of coloring as a kid, they quiet down and we can have nice, calm conversations. I think card games, scrabble, monopoly, would have the same effect. (People are, indeed, always playing cards, chess, and board games there.)

There are plenty of other people my age who hang at the cafe as well but none of them has penetrated into the younger society because they won't let themselves: they insist on talking down to the kids instead of treating them like people, and they tend to pepper their conversation with off putting reminders of the age difference and a patronizing tone. I don't. I just make friends with them.

I'm not a restaurant fan, myself, but people are always splitting off from the cafe to go elsewhere for food, and also making plans to see movies. I'm often invited along, but have only gone a few times. If you like that separate kind of activity there seem to be ample opportunities for it.

So, what I'm saying is that if you want social activities get a younger circle of friends. You're a student at UCLA so where to find these younger people and the cafes they hang out in ought to be a no-brainer.
Math Is Hard
#21
Jan5-10, 05:53 PM
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I think you're right, Zoob. Age is a big part of it. It really sucks! When I was in my 20s I went out to clubs every night. Hard to find people my age who want to go out at all now. I don't want to be an old stick in the mud who never has fun. I'm not ready. :(

You're really lucky to have the cafe all those fun (sometimes wacky!) friends. I need to come and visit soon.

oh, I'm actually not a student anymore - I graduated about a year ago. I miss it.
Greg Bernhardt
#22
Jan5-10, 05:56 PM
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No, I live alone with a cat. It's pretty pathetic.
me too it's the best!!

but I agree, even at just 26, many of my friends have moved away, gotten married or simply faded away

my best way to make friends is local sports teams I play on and volunteering. oh I meet soooo many cool people when I volunteer!
Math Is Hard
#23
Jan5-10, 06:00 PM
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What kind of volunteer work do you do, Greg?
Evo
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Jan5-10, 06:01 PM
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Quote Quote by Math Is Hard View Post
I would like someone to go to the mall with. That would be wonderful.
I will send you the Evo Child. Do you have a debit card?

The Evo Child and I went on a group trip to the Mall of the Americas. We stayed for 2 days, it was awesome. The bus ride was rather boring but it was worth it.
Math Is Hard
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Jan5-10, 06:03 PM
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I will send you the Evo Child. Do you have a debit card?

NooooOOoo! This is becoming the twisted wishes thread.
Greg Bernhardt
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Jan5-10, 06:04 PM
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What kind of volunteer work do you do, Greg?
horizon hospice in milwaukee. i was just there today :) you meet some of the most caring people on earth! two of my better "friends" I met there and they are both late 20s and really fun!
turbo
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Jan5-10, 06:23 PM
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Quote Quote by zoobyshoe View Post
5 or 6 years ago I accidentally fell in with a huge society of people in their late teens and early 20's when I started hanging out at this particular cafe. Now I have no end of friends and acquaintances.
When I started hosting open-mike jams at a local tavern, it was a way for the owners to try to draw a Sunday crowd. They had tried it with another host initially, but he was VERY loud and was sometimes rude to patrons. They offered me the job in part because a couple of the bar-maids and their girl-friends lobbied for me behind the scenes. I had no idea about that until the owners asked me to take the gig. I kept the musicians' volumes down so that people could visit and talk without shouting, and the lack of a meat-market atmosphere drew more and more young women, which in turn drew more and more young men. I ended up with a mixed crowd of 20-somethings as friends, and not just at the tavern, but in a variety of social settings. Many of those young ladies were young enough to have been my daughters. I don't often bump into them now, since I avoid public places for safety's sake, but my wife brings back greetings and news when she meets them shopping, etc.

The loss of the ability to perform music in public was a big one, to me. I tried switching over to only playing outdoor gigs, like biker parties and corporate picnics, but all too often, I'd end up down-wind from somebody with WAY too much cologne or perfume on, and get sick, so that had to end, too.
zoobyshoe
#28
Jan5-10, 07:47 PM
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Quote Quote by Math Is Hard View Post
I think you're right, Zoob. Age is a big part of it. It really sucks! When I was in my 20s I went out to clubs every night. Hard to find people my age who want to go out at all now. I don't want to be an old stick in the mud who never has fun. I'm not ready. :(
Exactly. I just remembered the case of two girls I know here who show up once a week or so after they go salsa dancing. It turns out one of the "girls" is actually 40. She doesn't think or look 40, so no one even suspects untill they're told. I thought she was about 26.
You're really lucky to have the cafe all those fun (sometimes wacky!) friends. I need to come and visit soon.
Some of those people would benefit from a good, vigorous exorcism but there are many very fine people as well.

You're always welcome there. Last time you left too early, though. Things are only exiting between about 9:00 P.M. and 1:00 A.M. (Lately it's been generally sluggish with the students off from school for the holidays.)

oh, I'm actually not a student anymore - I graduated about a year ago. I miss it.
Regardless, you're an alumna and employee of UCLA, which is an automatic point of experience overlap for conversational purposes. I'm thinking there has to be at least one 24 hour cafe in LA frequented by students. If not, maybe you could put in for a transfer to work at UCSD and revert to your 20's lifestyle in your off hours at La Souris Perdue.
turbo
#29
Jan5-10, 07:54 PM
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MIH, you could join lonelygenius.com (as soon as you build the web-site and get it hosted)

Ok, serious idea: How about volunteering with a community theater group. They can always use help, and the groups are full of creative people who like to party. Certainly, if you wanted to have company when going to art galleries, to hear live music, etc, they would be a pretty good fit.
BobG
#30
Jan5-10, 08:06 PM
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Quote Quote by Math Is Hard View Post

I'm not really sure what other things I can do to make friends. I'd like to find some people to go out to restaurants with, hang out and plays cards with, maybe go see some live music.
Quote Quote by lisab View Post
I thought I was the only one with this issue!

I tend to make friends easily, but then things happen to them. They get transferred, their husband gets transferred, they go to work for Microsoft and are never heard from again...one friend became sick with something that causes seizures and can't drive, and her husband keeps her sequestered .

So I've sort of given up.

Not that that's a good solution, mind you .
Quote Quote by GeorginaS View Post
Same club. But I'm five years out of a fourteen year live-in relationship. I'm good with it all being about the cat and me. I have decent people who I work with to do basic "stuff" with, but mostly I'm fine by myself. Most people just wind up bugging me anyway.
It would be unfair for two of you to move while one gets to stay put. All three of you should move to the same new city.

Colorado Springs is a beautiful place to live.

And it would help me with my New Years resolution - to hit on as many beautiful women as possible.
zoobyshoe
#31
Jan5-10, 08:11 PM
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Quote Quote by turbo-1 View Post
When I started hosting open-mike jams at a local tavern, it was a way for the owners to try to draw a Sunday crowd. They had tried it with another host initially, but he was VERY loud and was sometimes rude to patrons. They offered me the job in part because a couple of the bar-maids and their girl-friends lobbied for me behind the scenes. I had no idea about that until the owners asked me to take the gig. I kept the musicians' volumes down so that people could visit and talk without shouting, and the lack of a meat-market atmosphere drew more and more young women, which in turn drew more and more young men. I ended up with a mixed crowd of 20-somethings as friends, and not just at the tavern, but in a variety of social settings. Many of those young ladies were young enough to have been my daughters. I don't often bump into them now, since I avoid public places for safety's sake, but my wife brings back greetings and news when she meets them shopping, etc.

The loss of the ability to perform music in public was a big one, to me. I tried switching over to only playing outdoor gigs, like biker parties and corporate picnics, but all too often, I'd end up down-wind from somebody with WAY too much cologne or perfume on, and get sick, so that had to end, too.
That totally sucks about your allergies. It sounds like you created a good atmosphere there.

I think anyone over 30 who wants to socialize is going to have to end up with a younger crowd simply because they're always up for it and middle aged people aren't, or they have to make a big production out of it and can't be spontaneous.
turbo
#32
Jan5-10, 08:46 PM
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Quote Quote by zoobyshoe View Post
That totally sucks about your allergies. It sounds like you created a good atmosphere there.

I think anyone over 30 who wants to socialize is going to have to end up with a younger crowd simply because they're always up for it and middle aged people aren't, or they have to make a big production out of it and can't be spontaneous.
Sunday afternoons/evenings at that tavern were wonderful. Once the musical situation got stabilized and a little more patron-friendly, young people started making it their regular spot. Unlike Friday/Saturday nights the heavy-drinking aggressive folks were generally sleeping it off, watching football, or something. People would come from 50 miles away or more to bring their minor children to sit in with some pros and learn blues, jazz, and rock interactively. Since it was a tavern (food served on premises) and not a bar, it was OK for minors to be there as long as they had an adult guardian. One of my favorite kids was a skinny little fella (16-17) from over 40 miles away and his father would bring him every couple of weeks. He was a big Santana fan and could cop a lot of his licks, but I turned him to traditional Chicago blues guitar, and he got better, month after month. It was a lot of fun.

Sometimes jazz students from the local state university would mob the place, and when they got really progressive, I'd cede them the stage. Really hot music.
GeorginaS
#33
Jan6-10, 12:48 AM
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Quote Quote by BobG View Post
It would be unfair for two of you to move while one gets to stay put. All three of you should move to the same new city.

Colorado Springs is a beautiful place to live.

And it would help me with my New Years resolution - to hit on as many beautiful women as possible.
Now there's a weird bit of flattery. I think. Is it default flattery simply to be hit on? Okay the word "beautiful" doesn't hurt, I suppose. Especially given that you can't see us.

But yes, absolutely, MIH, if I hadn't managed to have such a terrific bunch of people ready-made at work, (And I have never, ever hung around outside of work with the people I work with, before. It's always been a huge point of contention and resentment with me when people from work wanted to socialise, especially in a group after work, and I felt obligated to go. I worked with them all day every day, already, dammit. I sure as anything didn't want to spend my free time with them. The majority of people who I work with at this place are terrific to hang out with too.) I'd have an awful time meeting people. Where do you meet new people to befriend after a certain age?

Of the few people I've had in my life for a long time, my best friend lives one whole province over. Another close friend I have lives way out of town, so it's a feat to organise time together. The neighbours in my new building, while wonderful people who I'm thrilled to know, are old enough to either be my parents or grandparents. (The lady immediately next door to me, Winnie, is 89. I so want to adopt her as my grandma. I miss mine.) They're not exactly activity/friend material.

And yes, Ivan, that generation really does have the superficial friendship thing down pat, do they not? Everywhere my parents go they always seem to meet "a very nice couple". They don't ever meet people in singles or on their own (although they are velcroed to each other so there's really no opportunity to) but they somehow manage to meet couples. As best I can tell they have nothing in common necessarily with the "couples" other than they're vacationing in the same spot and are around the same age. They seem to be able to socialise with and go places with and spend time with people, in couples, who they just met, and "have a really nice time". (I'm quoting my mother.) I've spent time with them along with some of these "couples" and they chat endlessly about nothing at all and laugh (fake laugh) constantly at nothing in particular. I can't figure out if I want to develop that skill.

Anyway, MIH, and LisaB, if I think of anything, I'll offer it up. Maybe we can offer each other suggestions and then try them out and report back.
rewebster
#34
Jan6-10, 12:38 PM
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Quote Quote by turbo-1 View Post
When I started hosting open-mike jams at a local tavern, it was a way for the owners to try to draw a Sunday crowd. They had tried it with another host initially, but he was VERY loud and was sometimes rude to patrons. They offered me the job in part because a couple of the bar-maids and their girl-friends lobbied for me behind the scenes. I had no idea about that until the owners asked me to take the gig. I kept the musicians' volumes down so that people could visit and talk without shouting, and the lack of a meat-market atmosphere drew more and more young women, which in turn drew more and more young men. I ended up with a mixed crowd of 20-somethings as friends, and not just at the tavern, but in a variety of social settings. Many of those young ladies were young enough to have been my daughters. I don't often bump into them now, since I avoid public places for safety's sake, but my wife brings back greetings and news when she meets them shopping, etc.

The loss of the ability to perform music in public was a big one, to me. I tried switching over to only playing outdoor gigs, like biker parties and corporate picnics, but all too often, I'd end up down-wind from somebody with WAY too much cologne or perfume on, and get sick, so that had to end, too.
you could rent one of those 'bubbles' to have on stage when you're playing
lisab
#35
Jan6-10, 07:32 PM
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Quote Quote by Math Is Hard View Post
Maybe I can come visit you, Lisa, and you could show me the zoo. Or we could go visit Poland! People seem friendly there. Or maybe we'll both be all wrapped up in graduate studies soon and too busy to even think about doing anything else, so it won't matter.

TSA is right. I need more cats.
You can come any time!

Poland would be great...how about France?
Moonbear
#36
Jan6-10, 11:54 PM
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Quote Quote by Math Is Hard View Post
I went on vacation by myself last summer. I couldn't find anyone I knew who had time to get away. But when I got to my destination, there were thousands and thousands of people on vacation who did find time to get away. Where are all these fun-loving people? I had a good time, but it would have been more fun to have a buddy along.
We really need to plan a vacation together then, because I have the same problem. That, or we sisters all need to move closer together. We'd have a blast!


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