|Jul11-10, 10:28 PM||#1|
How to talk to a friend again
I've been thinking about this situation for a while.
I know this is long, and I've tried write it in the most cohesive way I can, maybe with a few unnecessary bits too.
I've been a student and a tutor at a local community for a few years, and I've never been one to try to make friends with anyone (I was homeschooled up till college, but I don't regret it at all). I'm quiet, shy, and usually introverted but I get along with everyone I tutor. I like my job and the students, although some are more work than others , and they all seem to like me too. However, that's pretty much it; like I said I've never tried making friends with any of them because when we're together, it's really just for work.
Well that kinda changed this past spring.
Tutoring was normal (I do chemistry almost exclusively since no one else does it, and I'm usually busy the entire time I'm working) for about a month until two new chem students came in. One of them I recognized from two classes I had with her before, and she remembered me too. This girl, Evie, and her friend Kris said they would start coming to tutoring, and they did. Eventually another student, Kika, became part of their "group" at tutoring, and the three of them took a special interest with me.
At this point I will say that my friendship with them have been platonic and not romantic at all. I don't want this to turn into the same discussion a month ago about the differences between the two! The cool thing is we haven't even had to talk about this because we seem to have a mutual understanding about our friendships and it's not uncomfortable at all for any of us. And I am not looking for anything more than a platonic friendship at this point.
I became close with the three of them, and that semester was the most I ever looked forward to going to work to see them. We became friends on Facebook and I started keeping in touch with them on there and Yahoo messenger (oh yes, I don't have a cellphone). Especially with Evie. You see, Kris has a family with young kids to take care of, so she couldn't be online as often, and Kika actually connected with me online a little later in the semester, so I ended up talking with Evie a lot. Even though she worked almost 40 hours a week, she managed to be online often. For three months she and I talked quite literally every day online, and we became very close to each other. This is not to say that I was "distant" from the other two, but I felt that I had a special connection with her.
Anyway, I hung out with them a bit outside tutoring: going to Kris' house a couple times to help them with studying (not much of that actually, more PS3...), to the movies, and once to Starbucks with a few other students. To sum this up, this past semester has been one of the best times of my life having made some friends who I know will stay in contact with me and for making me "open up" after their efforts at befriending me first.
Now on to the unfortunate part:
A couple weeks after the semester ended, Evie gradually started to be online less and less, missing a day here and there, until a week went by. I became very concerned about her and sent an e-mail basically asking if she was alright and saying I missed her. The next day she came online and we talked; she said now that the semester was over, so many people want to hang out with her that she hasn't had time to be online. I took it well, just happy to know everything was fine with her. At this point, June 21, it's been a month since the semester ended. The next day we talked and, well, that was the last time we talked to each other, nearly three weeks ago. Three long weeks of silence after talking with her for three months nearly every day.
Now during this time I realize it's not just me; she hasn't really kept in contact with the other two either. And as a result, I've become closer to the other two. Kika and I have been talking nearly everyday for two months, which has greatly helped me get over Evie's apparent isolation. Also, Kris, just yesterday in fact, was being candid about Evie and her feelings toward her, saying at first she liked being around Evie, but then at the end she started rubbing her the wrong way with things she said and did. Such as that I liked Evie and Kika more than her because she couldn't hang out with me as much as them, and that other students, not Evie, would be the ones to invite her somewhere like going out to eat.
I can't help but feel I'm still not giving a complete picture. I had more relevant details in mind and thought out the the whole structure, but unfortunately I can't always remember everything or remember things exactly as I want to express them. Yet this should be good enough to get opinions.
My main question is, how should I try talking to this girl Evie again? A little after the semester ended, she had told me she would love it if I took a class with her in the fall at another relatively local community college. I would still like to, but obviously I don't feel as inclined to pursue it after the way she seems to have withdrawn from us. She's not online much, but she checks Facebook every few days. In fact, just earlier she was on Facebook and Yahoo for a while, yet she didn't try talking with me. Once or twice before in the past three weeks I happened to be online when she was too, but I haven't said anything to her because I would like for her to be the one who initiates it to show she still wants to be friends with me. But perhaps I might need to try something on my part.
I am planning on sending her a message soon. I'll have to get a schedule ready for the fall semester soon and I was going to use that as a way to ask her if she still would like me to take that class with her, and hopefully she'll talk to me again.
I'm not quite sure what I'd say to her. The first thing I'd want to ask her is, why haven't you stayed in touch with me?, but I know that's probably not a good idea. I want to let her know, in the best way possible, that her not talking to us is odd. I mostly want to know what the deal is, if she's still busy or if she's not interested in us anymore. But I also want to let her know that I'm always open to her as a friend and would love for her to come around.
I'm inclined to think that, on her part, she's still on good terms with Kris despite how she was toward her at the end, that it was maybe just some girlfriend friction (don't know how else to say it, nor anything about friendships between girlfriends ). She even wrote on Kris' wall saying hi and commented on a photo of Kika over a week ago, but nothing to me. What I've been hoping is this is just a case of "out of sight, out of mind." Even though she of course knows we exist, she hasn't tried keeping in touch since we haven't physically seen each other for almost two months. I honestly don't think she was insincere with her friendship with any of us; I know she genuinely loved hanging out with all of us, coming all three days of tutoring and often coming into town on days when there wasn't any class to hang out (she lives 35 miles away).
Or this could just be some female thing that I just plain don't know a thing about and she won't be like this forever, which would be great.
|Jul11-10, 10:47 PM||#2|
If I were you, I'd just leave a message saying hi, how are you? If she ignores it or her response seems short and uninteresting, she probably isn't really interested in maintaining a friendship. And if she isn't, so be it, most friendships aren't forever and some are as short as can be.
|Jul12-10, 05:46 AM||#3|
damn dude, tl;dr. i'd be happy to help, but you've got to give a little to get a little.
|Jul12-10, 06:16 AM||#4|
How to talk to a friend again
Pengwuino has the right idea. Just fire off a message saying hi, her response will be indicative enough of the status of your friendship.
|Jul12-10, 01:54 PM||#5|
oh dude, if it's about a chick than just chill out and be honest with her. if you want in her pants, she needs to know it. if you want to be her friend, she needs to know it. that's all the advice you need, man. happy sexing.
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