I want to give advice! where are all your relationship problems?!!

nucleargirl

man! people here are all too balanced! there's not been any new relationship problems or questions or requests for advice/opinions in ages! bored!

nucleargirl

I expect some for tomorrow! I'll be away in the morning but will be checking in the evening! dont disappoint me!

dreiter

Not to be rude, but are you an expert in relationship therapy?

As a general rule, getting relationship advice from a random stranger on a forum isn't a great way to go about things. :D

jackmell

She was a little forward about it I give you that. But I see nothing wrong with talking about your problems on a forum. Lots of people do it all the time, especially women. For example the parenting and family forums have much more discussions about relationships than we do. It's therapeutic to just talk to someone sometime and I don't think they have to be an expert for it to be helpful.

Wzet

Maybe you can really give me advice...
Well, there is a girl who I think is really into me. It doesn't occur to me very often so I don't know how to deal with it. She gave all the signs and maybe even more because she goes right to the point. However, it's not the girl I'm looking for. I described here earlier what my fantasy is and I'm trying to find the girl like that. And I can honestly say, that she's not her. But there is a problem. I can not be bad. I'm always trying to make everyone happier, so I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be rude and don't want her to feel weird each time we meet, because we can run into each other almost everyday. What should I say? Sorry, I'm just looking for a girl which likes the things you hate? I don't want it to sound like a cliche that I rejected her because in fact she is a good person, but I really don't know if she will understand...
Any help?

cronxeh

Have you, I don't know, tried dating guys?

If you need advise with that, pm Cyrus

anubis01

So you want to make her happy by not dealing with the problem and letting her waste her time on you when she could be trying to find someone else?

If she's your friend, and by that I mean someone that you'd like to keep in your life than I'd suggest the next time she "makes a move" gently tell her that you see her as just a friend and if she is indeed your friend she'll accept that and move on.

Norman.Galois

Cyrus is gay?

cronxeh

He is a Republican

Norman.Galois

Hmmm... so he's gay but able to contain his desire. ;)

nucleargirl

:) yay! Thanks for posting! makes me very happy haha.
ok, so I'm guessing you know this girl pretty well and so you are SURE she's not what you want? cos if you dont know her well then I would suggest getting to know her as a friend - you never know, she might not be like you think.

So you are sure you don't like her in that way. What to do. So it seems like she's coming on to you? and being pretty blatant about it, and making you feel a bit uncomfortable? ok, I think the best thing is to let her know how you feel: you dont think she's a bad person, but she is not what you are looking for in a girlfriend, and her behaviour is making you uncomfortable, and you would appreciate it if she could understand that a relationship would not be possible between you two. If she's reasonable, then she should back off after hearing this.

So you are afraid this will hurt her? well, yeah with some girls this would be rather hurtful and might emotionally damage them... however, she doesnt sound like that type - if she's making her feelings very obvious to you (like telling you she wants to date you, like touching you maybe, like creating every opportunity to hang out with you) then it could be that she appreciates being spoken to honestly herself - so she would want you to tell her where she stands, how you feel. but of course it is hard to judge this from just what you say - you could have interpreted her signals all wrong etc. so its your call - you judge if it would hurt her.

so if you think it would hurt her? Still let her know how you feel. but let her down easy. hm... this is hard! so I would start by not going out with her just the two of you - cos if its just you two together having lunch or drinks after work, then she might think its a date, and that you like her. so avoid this. and maybe try to hang out with her less: like if you get the same bus, go get a different bus, if you eat together, dont. try to limit your interactions to very casual ones, or totaly work/school related ones - so like dont ask her too much about herself, her personal life... cos when you do that you are sending out 'i'm interested in you' signals which she might interpret as 'i like you'. Hopefully over time she might get the message, or just meet someone else.

yeah long post! Whatever you do, I dont think you should not tell her and string her along - its wasting her time. the sooner she realises she doesnt have a chance with you, the sooner she can find happiness in someone else. its the least selfish thing to do imo.

hope that helps!

nucleargirl

be honset with her and she will appreciate it. If you dont insult her in anyway, and just tell her that you like her as a person (she's a good person) but you only see her as a friend and nothing more, and that you hope that you telling her all this wont affect you friendship, then hopefully if she's a big enough person, she will accept graciously and it wont be awkward between you two in future. If things do turn awkward, I still think it is the right thing to do on your behalf, and then I guess you just have to deal wiht the awkwardness... thats how she reacts, not your fault.

cronxeh

Oh bollocks. Where do you get this 'big enough person' from? If you are rejected you should go bonkers, no matter what age or social status you belong to. Go thermonuclear! Break down a wall, throw bananas around. Its totally normal. And frankly what kind of a guy turns down a girl? That is just not a guy thing to do.

nucleargirl

:) okay, this is my opinion (as a sane person!)
You should definitely NOT go bonkers if you are rejected, whatever your sex or status - its just shows you to be a selfish and emotionally unbalanced person, and only makes YOU look bad.
What kind of guy says yes to every girl? a desperate one.

cronxeh

Yeah, and the guy that says no is gay

anubis01

You know there's such a thing as standards, something tells me the girl doesn't physically do it for whez, but that's just my guess.

You know, that's a **** move nuclear. I mean honestly there's a difference between politely declining a meeting and just avoiding the person which isn't cool because then you're the one that's making things awkward by essentially ignoring the person, don't be surprised if the person doesn't want to remain friends after that stunt.

If you were really someone's friend, you wouldn't just cut them out of your life without working on the problem.

Pengwuino

.... is it just me or is getting advice from someone who wants desperately to give people advice a really awful idea? That's like asking for financial advice from someone who has "the next big thing" that he wants you to buy into.