## Science Jokes

Science Of the Supernatural:
 "WARNING: Do not look into laser with remaining eye !" — Sign found at MIT's Junior Lab. "seti@home was fun. seti@work got me fired..." "During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil." "Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun." "Wave if you've met Schrodinger." "Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives." "A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard." "You aren't a real engineer until you make one$50000 mistake." "The number you have dialed is imaginary. Rotate phone 90 degrees and try again." "There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't." "An engineer makes a $500 item with$50 worth of parts. A designer then adds $450 worth of crap." "If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles."  A supervisor visited an 8th grade class...he wrote the word electricity on the board and asked a student to define it. Student:electrikity is the flow of electrons in a circuit. Supervisor:it's not''electrikity'' it's electricity Student:that's what i'm saying sir,my dad taught that to me electrikity The supervisor got enough of this and told the student to fetch his father. the student brought his father to the school and the supervisor told the student's father that the boy doesn't pronounce electricity correctly Father:well,sir, he is a small boy and the capakity of his mind is less...don't you worry sir,when he grows up it'll be O.K. The supervisor was very much shocked to hear the father say capakityinstead of capacity.He asked the student if there was anyone else at his home and the boy brightly replied that his grand pa is there.The supervisor told the boy to fetch his grandpa. When the boy's grandpa came to the school the supervisor told him about the both saying electrikity rather than electricity and his father saying capakity rather than capacity Then the boys grandpa chuckled and replied:Well, i don't blame them ...everyone might have noticed that but why are you making such a big publikity of it?  1.A historyan and a biologist are walking in the park and the historyan seas to the biologist: "What do you tink this houndret year old mapel trees would say if they could talk?" And the biologist answers: "They'd say :"We are oak's."." 2. A proffesor is giving a lectoure on thruth in science, when he notices that a student in the back raw is sleeping. So he asks him: "Could you pleas tell me what thruth is." The student doesent want ta admit that he was sleeping so he answers: "I'm sorry a knew the answer but I can't remeber it rght now." When the proffesor hears this he turns to the reast of the students and seas: "This is one of the seadest things that ever hapend to mankind, the only person who ever knew the answer forgot it." 3. 2 students are taking there final oral exams at a USSR university. The firs one enters the room and is asked a few questions that he answers corectly. But then just before he leavs the proffesor for marxism ask him what the time is. He looks down on his arm and seas it's 7 am. The proffesor for marxism the seas: "Sorry you feiled your excam the corect answer is: "Thanks to Marx,Stalin and Lenin the time is 7 AM.". The student goes out of the room and tells his friend about the catch. The other student goes in and answers all the regula question corectlly. But as he is about to leav he is also asked what time it is by the proffesor for marxisem. So he quicley seas: "Thanks to Marx, Stalin and Lenin" then looks down on his arm and adds: "I don't have a watch."  Recognitions: Gold Member Science Advisor Staff Emeritus True story: Morning news: Tylenol and other pain relievers may cause hypertension in women. Evening news: The morning news caused many women to become alarmed! This goes back to my hypothesis that the latest news on health studies is bad for your health.  Quote by Integral After that last one it is open season. See if you can find one worse then this: To celebrate Halloween, all the math teachers and professors got together for a big costume party. Each dressed up as their favorite math function. One particularly mean and eccentric math professor dressed up as the derivative. He ran up to the teacher dressed as cos(x) and yelled "I derive you!" The teacher tore off his costume and scurried off looking for a -sin(x) costume. The prof ran up to another teacher who was dressed as 4x^5 and yelled "I derive you!" The teacher tore off his costume and went scurrying off, looking for a 20x^4 costume. The prof ran up to a 3rd teacher and screamed "I derive you!" The teacher just stood there with his arms crossed. "Didn't you hear me?! I DERIVE YOU!" he shouted. Again, the teacher stood there, but with a smug expression on his face. "I derive you! I derive you! I derive you!" the professor shouted while jumping up and down. The teacher looked at him and said "derive me all you want. I'm e^x." Yeah pretty bad joke, do you tell the girls your chatting up at the bar that one...im sure theres a few scratching heads when you do. I thought the banta between you and the med student was funny, do you think they were genuinely offended or just thought that they were funny being so?  Quote by LENIN 1.A historyan and a biologist are walking in the park and the historyan seas to the biologist: "What do you tink this houndret year old mapel trees would say if they could talk?" And the biologist answers: "They'd say :"We are oak's."." 2. A proffesor is giving a lectoure on thruth in science, when he notices that a student in the back raw is sleeping. So he asks him: "Could you pleas tell me what thruth is." The student doesent want ta admit that he was sleeping so he answers: "I'm sorry a knew the answer but I can't remeber it rght now." When the proffesor hears this he turns to the reast of the students and seas: "This is one of the seadest things that ever hapend to mankind, the only person who ever knew the answer forgot it." 3. 2 students are taking there final oral exams at a USSR university. The firs one enters the room and is asked a few questions that he answers corectly. But then just before he leavs the proffesor for marxism ask him what the time is. He looks down on his arm and seas it's 7 am. The proffesor for marxism the seas: "Sorry you feiled your excam the corect answer is: "Thanks to Marx,Stalin and Lenin the time is 7 AM.". The student goes out of the room and tells his friend about the catch. The other student goes in and answers all the regula question corectlly. But as he is about to leav he is also asked what time it is by the proffesor for marxisem. So he quicley seas: "Thanks to Marx, Stalin and Lenin" then looks down on his arm and adds: "I don't have a watch." The first two were funny, last one was a bit crap though, also, dont know whether its diliberate or not but your spelling and grammer is atroshous. Sort it out dude theres even a spell check, thanks to....the dictionary!!!LOL! I am sorry, this is not a science joke, but I would like to direct you to some grammar and spelling mistakes:  Quote by AntonioChrist The first two were funny, last one was a bit crap though, also, dont know whether its diliberate or not but your spelling and grammer is atroshous. Sort it out dude theres even a spell check, thanks to....the dictionary!!!LOL! ____________________________ The first two were funny, the last one was a bit crap though, also, I don't know whether it's deliberate or not but your spelling and grammar are atrocious. Sort it out dude there's even a spell check...  Quote by gerben I am sorry, this is not a science joke, but I would like to direct you to some grammar and spelling mistakes: It may not be a joke but it made me laugh!  A room of highschool seniors are taking their SAT with the examiner. A bell rings and the examiner says "Time's up! Bring your tests to the front of the class on my desk and you can go." All but one student does as he's told and they stack their tests in a pile. The one student left takes 30 extra minutes to finish his section. The examiner doesn't stop him because he knows he will just have to rip up his test. Once the student is done, he walks up to the desk, and the examiner says "Oh, I'm sorry, the test was over when I said it was." The student replies "Do you have any idea who I am!?!" The examiner replies happily " No." "Good", as the student stuffs his paper into the middle of the stack, unrecognizable from any of the other tests. Recognitions: Gold Member Science Advisor Staff Emeritus  Quote by Ivan Seeking True story: Morning news: Tylenol and other pain relievers may cause hypertension in women. Evening news: The morning news caused many women to become alarmed! This goes back to my hypothesis that the latest news on health studies is bad for your health. The same joke today on, I think it was 60 Minutes. In response to this study http://www.physicsforums.com/showthr...212#post725212 one psychologist stated, "people should be alarmed about the news on stress!"  Recognitions: Gold Member Science Advisor Staff Emeritus Here are a couple of great ones from the CT and X-Ray crowd A long time ago there was a paper passed around among radiologists; apparently written in a serious manner, the report came complete with CT images showing four bodies all scanned simultaneously in a very large CT scanner. Since the technology can measure density variations radially, it was argued, there is no reason that scans must be limited to one body. So the new Quadrature scanner was being introduced along with the special stacking beds [or whatever] that would be needed to position two three, or all four patients. I don't remember the exactly play on words, but "QUACK" was the resulting acronym for this new CT technology. Then there was the guy with the broken penis bone. I arrived at a hospital only to be met by the X-Ray crew who were holding a scan of a broken penis bone. They called me over to look with great excitement, so to speak, and pointed, "check it out, this guy was going at it so hard that he broke the bone in his penis!" Now, I knew this didn't seem possible, I mean, what bone?!?!?! But there is was right in front of me. So as to make a long story short, it is an old favorite for X-Ray students that requires nothing more than a little Playdough and a broken chicken bone. Recognitions: Gold Member  Quote by humanino Wanted$10,000 reward. Schroedinger's Cat. Dead or Alive