Women: how have guys you've liked approached you

wasteofo2

Lots of guys don't have the confidence to talk to girls, thinking they will be labelled ''creepy'' for just starting a random conversation with a girl they find attractive.

So ladies, from your experience, what kinds of approaches work to start a good conversation that can lead to attraction, and what kinds of approaches are creepy?

For my part, usually I will talk to girls with situational things, and simply roll into a natural conversation. Otherwise, a simple, low-key compliment (about her jacket, her style, her walk, something specific) is usually a pretty good way to start off in my experience; it shows you're obviously interested in her without degrading anyone ala ''hey sexy, where you goin' baby?''

nucleargirl

I was working in the library, he came over and said he's going to the cafe, did I want anything? I said no thanks, he went and came back with a brownie for me anyway :) I was very happy. we ended up going out for 2 years :)

Evo

I mostly met men at dance clubs when I reached my 30's. A guy asks you to dance, you talk while dancing, then you both decide if the other is worth spending more time on. So simple, no stress.

BobG

Apparently, helping her steal a bicycle is a good way to start up a conversation.

DanP

You make me wonder what an armed robbery would have landed you.

GeorginaS

Precisely that. Make a simple, casual, situational comment. Plus-points if the comment makes me laugh.

Just being respectful and treating me as if you're interested in me as a human being is a sure-fire way to not be creepy.

FrancisZ

Exactly why I don't. So I've often chosen to wait a very long time to even instigate anything; and even then, I prefer to write.

Recently, however, even the writing has failed me utterly. Whereas I had always thought it showed careful introspection and the dedication taken to construct such thing; it totally blew up in my face.

Moral of the story (from a male perspective anyway): there's no simple solution to the age old problem of "approaching women." Some people just don't like you any way you present yourself.

Pengwuino

Simple solution: Just approach them.

If a girl considers a guy creepy just because you approached them to talk to, why would you care about what such a girl thinks of you?

A) She'll be a normal human being and not think you're a creep just for talking to her
or
B) She's socially awkward and will be freaked out that you tried to talk to her and in that case, who cares? I haven't heard of many relationships that start with "my husband walked up to me and at first i thought he was a creep".

DanP

Is somebody think you are a creep just because you walk to them ,talk , and invite to a coffee, sit at your table and whatever else, it's not you who is the creep , it is them.


Don't waste time thinking and rethinking simple actions.

You don't need introspection and dedication to talk to anyone. You just doit. And tbh, if I would ever receive a letter from a girl trying to construct anything, I would get the impression she is socially awkward. Just talk to me, ok ?

Approaching women is not a problem. It doesn't require any special solution. And I would carefully add, don't generalize, it's not a general male perspective you illustrate. The vast majority of men don't find it such an issue.

And the same ppl will like somebody else in just about any way they presented themselves. It's OK. We are not suposed to like anyone. Not you, not me, nor others.

wasteofo2

Francis,

The very thing that's creepy IS waiting a long time. If you stare at someone for an hour before talking to them, that's creepy. If you write someone a letter who doesn't even know you that's creepy.

Why should you put that much time, effort, or thought into a complete stranger? You don't know if she's worth a minute of your time.

That's why you should just go up to her without giving her too much imaginary value in your head.

Pyrrhus

This thread needs to be sticky now. Basically most of you guys say and I (and others) continue to repeat time and time again. You JUST GO FOR IT, who cares if she rejects you? just go for another girl. Stop thinking she's that special, you don't even know her yet!.

tauon

I have now come to a painful realisation about myself: forever alone...

DaveC426913

You seem to be waiting for someone else to make the first move. You will not make the first move. Are you not worth it?

tauon

That`s a very hard thing to answer indeed... and my answer is: I just don`t know. What do you mean by that?

edit: actually yes, I guess I`m just not worth it to whomever I would like to be of some "worth" ....

DaveC426913

You recognize the problem that, for a two way relationship to start, one person has to take a chance. Yet you have no intention of being the one.

I'm going to guess that you won't take a risk on anyone because rejection is too likely in your mind. Only if they step forward and demonstrate that they might like you on spec, will you pursue a relationship.

So, my question is: why do you feel that you're not a "catch"?

tauon

This part of PF is definitely outside my comfort zone (why did I post here anyway)... but we don`t know each other so what the heck.

It`s not looks, it`s apparently my personality...

I`ve found that the more people know me (like the "real" me) the more they think I am weird, and they don`t always hold that word in the "compliments" area (neither do I tbh). A few have been vocal about it (I`ve even been called a freak once) but it`s just something you start to notice in their looks, gestures, etc.
The only way I can actually socialize is if I play an "act", otherwise people will tend to keep a certain distance from me. I don`t really know if it`s actually me who`s misreading everything but ever since I was a kid it was so much easier socialize if I was pretending to be someone else then if I was just "being myself" (in which case I would end up the acting the outcast whether I wanted it or not...); I`ve survived middle school and some of highschool playing the class jester and similar "roles" for example.
Whenever someone catches me off-guard without my mask on, they will tend to throw me in the buddy friend who`s a little...different zone, the guy who`s a little more interesting... that is when they`re not running away from me like I`m the plague.

I`m now more and more inclined to simply not socialize (lately I find it troublesome to even attend lectures and seminaries even if there`s hardly any direct socializing involved in this case) and there have been times when I haven`t left my dorm for more than a week.

But whatever, being alone isn`t that bad. I`m growing used to it.

DaveC426913

Can you give a specific example of your weirdness?

This is a downward spiral. You are losing interest in socializing because you have little skill at it. You have little skill at it because you are not doing it enough.

You don't want to be a social outcast or you wouldn't be here ruing it. That means you are in a spiral that is taking you in a direction you would rather not go, but currently are unwilling or unable to change.

For your long term health, you might consider changing that pattern. Growth is always good; atrophy is never healthy.