please give me some advices on how to date a nerdy guy?

nucleargirl

:) awwww! sounds so cute! The watching you eat thing is cute! I think he likes you! I think if he didn't, he wouldn't just sit there and watch you eat :)
I've met a guy like that, he was really shy too and he had friends and could talk to other people, but he couldn't talk to me. We could only talk via MSN chat lol! we went to the same sunday school, and when we met in person he wouldn't be able to talk to me and would kind of stand around awkwardly... he couldn't talk on the phone properly either. So a date was out of the question really. I think you just need to give it time and get to know him better. The more you spend time together the more comfortable he will be with you. and then he might open up more. Dont expect to go out on dates or anything soon. give it a few months, try to get him talking, see what you have in common.
He sounds nice, but just really shy. and I think he does like you, but just cant get the courage to talk to you.
Good luck!

nucleargirl

lily, (obviously you are a girl, you sound just like me when I was at college! I dont know why there's this suspicion here that every nice-sounding girl is actually a gay guy?!) anyway, I find with these really shy guys you pretty much have to make all the first moves... like asking him out, texting him first etc.etc until he feels comfortable enough with you (or grows up a bit and become less shy) and then he will be more open and start asking you out. You need to read between the lines to see if he likes you - he's not gonna just say it. see what he does. if he gets all flustered around you, and does something nice for you, waits for you etc. then he probably likes you.
hope it works out!!

DanP

You gotta love us, Evo. There is no way around it. We are the best thing happening to women since like, ever.

chiro

Maybe he is unsure of himself in some way, that he is hiding inside a shell. Maybe he had bad experiences in the past? I have no idea by the way i'm just speculating.

Just a question for you OP? Do you know how many friends he has? By friends I don't mean like the "friends" (or acquaintances) that you say hello to, but more like the close-knit friends? That might give you an indicator of some of his personality, and what kind of things he is into.

Maybe if you invite him out to do something out of his comfort zone (needs to not much out!) then you might see him crawl out of the shell: I wouldn't recommend doing this the first time though!

aquitaine

Some people are just not really social people, or know how to handle social situations well.

But typically the way to a nerds heart is through Star Trek and/or Star Wars. Can't go wrong with that. :P

JaredJames

Or just weird.

"There's this girl that keeps hanging around me, phones me every now and then, sits and eats with me (etc), I don't really like her but she just won't go away. (I'm too polite to tell her to do one)."

As lovely as it may sound, there's always the flip side. Given what she has posted so far, it hardly sounds like he's enamoured by her. (If he is, he's keeping it well hidden.)

Andre

Could just as well be somewhere in the high end of the Autism Spectrum Disorders maybe.

JaredJames

Or not seeing as he interacts with everyone else ok.

Antiphon

I get my information from living as a shy nerdy coward for 15 years followed by living as a brave gentleman. I got no interest before and found the woman of my dreams with a dozen possibles interested in me after. You don't have to understand how it works, it just does.

The problem with making women wade through your external jerk to get to the real inner gentleman is that it's selfish of you. When you boot up your outer gentleman that will become self-evident.

FlexGunship

Hey! Lily!

Take it from this nerd. Just bluntly offer to cook him a nice meal. I'm totally going to get flamed for that, but if he's anything like me (well, I'm not overly shy, I guess... and you said he was "average looking"... so, yeah, he's nothing like Flex), then he's probably living off of Ramen and microwaved hot dogs.

I remember falling in love with a girl because of her cooking. Stupid? Maybe. But we were together for quite a while and I don't remember a lot of bad times (except for the crushing breakup and the years of subsequent lonely torture; the late nights alone, longing for her touch again... collapsing in on myself and being forced to subsist on Ramen again like some sort of repeat offender returning to his bread-and-water meals surrounded by the jarring sounds of malcontent cigarette traders dealing their wares).

But, yeah, offer to cook for him!

lily012

I wish i had that chance but thanks for the advice anyway. I already give up on him.
He seems really uncomfortable with me when we meet in places where there are a lot of people(especially his friends are around). But he is friendly when we are alone though, anyway i am not gonna pursue him anymore. I don't know all of his friends but we have few common friends. And those common friends make fun of him behind his back. I always catch them commenting on how out of shape he is or how nerdy he look and etc. One time, i cut in said that i thought that he is cute, and then all of them laughed assuming i was joking. Anyway, my point is that there is a possibility that he is insecure and thinks i am fooling around IDK. But jarednjames in case you are reading this comment, I'm not clutching a straw anymore why thank you lol, i already accepted the fact that he doesn't like me, alright? So yeah... end of story.

lily012

Men, chasing someone is emotionally draining and crushes your self-esteem( at least in my case). You know, I have newfound respect for all the guys out there who have to do the chase most of the time while us ladies sit back and even play hard-to-get.

Drakkith

Hrmmm. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding. All I meant was that you can't judge someone based entirely on their public side. However, that can definately play a big factor. If someone is simply a jerk or an ******* in public to everyone, thats a little different than simply being shy or uncomfortable in public or whatnot.

Just because you're not a complete gentleman doesn't mean your a jerk. At least, not to me. I'm a nice person, I just don't really talk to people that i don't know well. I wouldn't classify myself as a gentleman, at least not all the time, and I'm not going to try to be. (Maybe we have different views on what you mean by gentleman.)

JaredJames

I said to just ask him out, if you've done that and it didn't go anywhere then you know where you stand. If you didn't, well that's up to you but know you'll never know.

I'm sure the choice you made was for the best.

lily012

Thanks for all the advices hon, i really appreciate it

johnbird1

I think Andre has a feel for the nerd in questions. He may be Autistic and is plain socially awkward when it comes to one on one with a woman. He may be great in a crowd because a crowd is safe. He can enter the dance and back out when uncomfortable. He may very well like you. The behavior you describe can be as Andre put it, high functioning autism. And he may very well be the right guy for you... If he does have this condition, you may have to change your approach, keep up with the patience. But knowing this will help with understanding. You may in his mind be the best thing too. Let us know how it goes, OK?

John

JaredJames

This was over a while back.