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I think a coworker likes me. I'm not sure how to proceed. (I like her too)

by dcm
Tags: coworker, likes, proceed
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dcm
#1
Mar16-11, 01:25 AM
P: 1
First things first, let it be clear that I do not speak to this woman regularly (I rarely see her during work hours). I only see her as she is leaving out the door after her shift. The thing is, she often goes out of her way to say goodnight to me when she is leaving. Sometimes I've had my back turned and walking away, and she still made an attempt to get my attention. One time, while working with another female coworker, I was barely visible behind my work. This woman shouted to me (and I think she waved), GOOD NIGHT XXXX, SEE YOU TOMORROW!" The other female coworker gave me a "wth" look as if she was disgusted that she only spoke to me, or she was surprised that she shouted the salutation as she was leaving with other people, who said nothing.

She could be just a friendly and polite person, one could say. Ok, there are also moments when we are sort of in close proximity to each other. Say, walking past each other, or standing idly by waiting for something. During these moments, she sometimes stares at her feet, or stares at me. When we crossed paths recently, as I approached her we made eye contact at a distance, and her eyes darted around as a "oh no here he comes" type of deal, then we made eye contact again, smiled,and spoke to each other. There were times in the past where she would stare at me and not say anything. Not creepy stares, but those "look long enough but don't get caught" kind of stares.

One time she was off to my side, I glanced over and she was staring dead at me. I smiled and there was a "oh hey, we inadvertently locked eyes while looking around the room, but I totally wasn't staring at you" smile from her. Then there was a time where she just entered the room and stared at me for maybe two or three seconds and didn't say a word. I thought she was staring at my mustache I was attempting to grow. Maybe she was, I don't know. Why would she stare into my eyes though...?

This has been going on for about 1 year. I don't really know what to do. She's about mid level on the totem pole, and I am at the very bottom. I don't want to create an uncomfortable situation for the both of us if I make an attempt to become friends. Although this is a very professional workplace, I fear rumors and teasing will start. Also, there are other coworkers here who are married, so I believe friendship++ is not frowned upon.

I'd like to maybe just have a conversation with her about something non work related, but I do not have access to her. I only see her when she is leaving. I can't exactly jump in front of her to chat her up at the exit, as my work does not technically allow that.

Any advice?
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elabed haidar
#2
Mar16-11, 01:31 AM
P: 139
well man hey listen im in college and i think i can help when you feel like you cant talk to here get back up , like let your friend accompany you and help you out buy making jokes about one another it worked with me and when you gain the confidence start hanging out
dcm
#3
Mar16-11, 01:46 AM
P: 1
Quote Quote by elabed haidar View Post
well man hey listen im in college and i think i can help when you feel like you cant talk to here get back up , like let your friend accompany you and help you out buy making jokes about one another it worked with me and when you gain the confidence start hanging out
This is a workplace where people work independently of one another. There are no opportunities for me to approach her with another coworker to start a conversation. I would have to leave my workstation, find another coworker, ask them to leave their workstation, then we both walk into the office where we are not allowed without official business, then chat up this junior VIP as if she does not have important work duties of her own to carry out.

Thank you, but unfortunately this is not a college campus. This is a professional workplace.

Zryn
#4
Mar16-11, 03:02 AM
PF Gold
P: 322
I think a coworker likes me. I'm not sure how to proceed. (I like her too)

Write her a letter and leave it under her car windscreen wiper. Sign it from 'Mr Smiles (in the workshop)'.
dcm
#5
Mar16-11, 03:49 AM
P: 1
Quote Quote by Zryn View Post
Write her a letter and leave it under her car windscreen wiper. Sign it from 'Mr Smiles (in the workshop)'.
I've considered writing her a letter, but mailing it because there are cameras in the car park. My concern with writing a letter is that it appears unmanly. I don't really have another option, though. I probably shouldn't worry about the manliness, since I think she already likes me, and has been for almost 1 year.
Andre
#6
Mar16-11, 04:05 AM
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P: 5,459
What the heck are you waiting for. It's not about the how to do it. Just do it. Talk. Tell her that you like whatever you like on her. Ask her if she likes to go and ...fill in whatever you like to do together.... Think hike, walk, drink, lunch.

That gives two options, and if no, you just return to the smile - bye status.
dcm
#7
Mar16-11, 04:14 AM
P: 1
Quote Quote by Andre View Post
What the heck are you waiting for. It's not about the how to do it. Just do it. Talk. Tell her that you like whatever you like on her. Ask her if she likes to go and ...fill in whatever you like to do together.... Think hike, walk, drink, lunch.

That gives two options, and if no, you just return to the smile - bye status.
So are you suggesting that I flag her down as she is leaving? The best I can do is say I like her shoes as she is saying goodbye, and I would have to continue working. Recently during a safety briefing in my work area, I had to interrupt her at least three times to make sure my work did not back up on me.
Andre
#8
Mar16-11, 05:31 AM
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P: 5,459
Don't you like her smile, the way she did her hair? Isn't she cute? Doesn't she have a great style? Don't you like the way she handles things?

If you have to say no to all that, then why bother? If yes, tell it.
bp_psy
#9
Mar16-11, 08:56 AM
P: 452
Quote Quote by dcm View Post
Any advice?
I don't know if you are aware but there is an ample supply of women that do not work with you. "Don't crap were you sleep" or was it "Don't **** were you eat"?
lisab
#10
Mar16-11, 09:34 AM
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P: 2,990
Is it against company policy to write a sort-of-personal email?

Or maybe you could ask her if she has a facebook page, and use that as a way to start interacting with her outside of work?
Borek
#11
Mar16-11, 09:41 AM
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Quote Quote by lisab View Post
Or maybe you could ask her if she has a facebook page, and use that as a way to start interacting with her outside of work?
O tempora, o mores! Facebook! :facepalm:
lisab
#12
Mar16-11, 09:44 AM
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Quote Quote by Borek View Post
O tempora, o mores! Facebook! :facepalm:
Greg Bernhardt
#13
Mar16-11, 09:53 AM
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hey I've asked a few girls out via facebook and they all worked out pretty well :)
dcm
#14
Mar16-11, 10:04 AM
P: 1
Quote Quote by Andre View Post
Don't you like her smile, the way she did her hair? Isn't she cute? Doesn't she have a great style? Don't you like the way she handles things?

If you have to say no to all that, then why bother? If yes, tell it.
I was using the shoes as an example, my apologies. Yes, I like many things about her, but I don't know how to start a short conversation with someone who's moving quickly toward the exit. Although, maybe half the time, she stops, bends over, makes eye contact, says goodnight, waves, then continues on out the door. But I'm usually at least 10-20 feet away when this happens.
dcm
#15
Mar16-11, 10:06 AM
P: 1
Quote Quote by bp_psy View Post
I don't know if you are aware but there is an ample supply of women that do not work with you. "Don't crap were you sleep" or was it "Don't **** were you eat"?
I understand. If you check my other thread I created, you would sort of see where I am coming from. I don't want to link it because I'm past that situation, in my mind at least. In short, ten and a half years in a cave, reemerging, etc.

Edit: I would also like to add that currently I'm not involved in anything such as school, clubs, volunteer program, etc. I'm only working at the moment. The only other women I see outside of work are not very interesting. This woman is the only one so far, and she has been at least mildly interested for 1 year, or so I think.
Tregg Smith
#16
Mar16-11, 10:12 AM
P: 48
Quote Quote by dcm View Post
First things first, let it be clear that I do not speak to this woman regularly (I rarely see her during work hours). I only see her as she is leaving out the door after her shift. The thing is, she often goes out of her way to say goodnight to me when she is leaving. Sometimes I've had my back turned and walking away, and she still made an attempt to get my attention. One time, while working with another female coworker, I was barely visible behind my work. This woman shouted to me (and I think she waved), GOOD NIGHT XXXX, SEE YOU TOMORROW!" The other female coworker gave me a "wth" look as if she was disgusted that she only spoke to me, or she was surprised that she shouted the salutation as she was leaving with other people, who said nothing.

She could be just a friendly and polite person, one could say. Ok, there are also moments when we are sort of in close proximity to each other. Say, walking past each other, or standing idly by waiting for something. During these moments, she sometimes stares at her feet, or stares at me. When we crossed paths recently, as I approached her we made eye contact at a distance, and her eyes darted around as a "oh no here he comes" type of deal, then we made eye contact again, smiled,and spoke to each other. There were times in the past where she would stare at me and not say anything. Not creepy stares, but those "look long enough but don't get caught" kind of stares.

One time she was off to my side, I glanced over and she was staring dead at me. I smiled and there was a "oh hey, we inadvertently locked eyes while looking around the room, but I totally wasn't staring at you" smile from her. Then there was a time where she just entered the room and stared at me for maybe two or three seconds and didn't say a word. I thought she was staring at my mustache I was attempting to grow. Maybe she was, I don't know. Why would she stare into my eyes though...?

This has been going on for about 1 year. I don't really know what to do. She's about mid level on the totem pole, and I am at the very bottom. I don't want to create an uncomfortable situation for the both of us if I make an attempt to become friends. Although this is a very professional workplace, I fear rumors and teasing will start. Also, there are other coworkers here who are married, so I believe friendship++ is not frowned upon.

I'd like to maybe just have a conversation with her about something non work related, but I do not have access to her. I only see her when she is leaving. I can't exactly jump in front of her to chat her up at the exit, as my work does not technically allow that.

Any advice?
Well duh! do you think? Just go over to her and directly ask her out for whatever. Or are you married? If so and you go for it then be prepared to have your mind twisted in a very painful way and for a long time. Been there done it and seen it happen many times. No offense but life will pass you by and all you'll have is regret. What is the matter with you! "slap slap" by the collar. I really don't think there is any hope for you!
dcm
#17
Mar16-11, 10:12 AM
P: 1
Quote Quote by lisab View Post
Is it against company policy to write a sort-of-personal email?

Or maybe you could ask her if she has a facebook page, and use that as a way to start interacting with her outside of work?
Only the VIPs have company emails. Yes, she has a facebook page, which I found by googling her name (If you haven't at least googled your own name for security reasons, you should). I do not use facebook, or any other social media service. I might consider it, as a therapist/psychologist I met back in college suggested it after I told her the story I wish not to link, but easily found by checking my profile.
dcm
#18
Mar16-11, 10:21 AM
P: 1
I won't be able to reply for the next ten hours, sorry. I may be able to see her today in a meeting, but these meetings are serious in tone, and several other people will be there. I might write a silly letter and give it to her one day this week.


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