Little faith in the construct of marriage?

KingNothing

I have always said to my friends that I'm planning to be very amicable in my first divorce, and that I plan to be a poor husband who spends all his hours focusing on his career. This usually gets a good laugh and a reaction from most people.

But I'm totally serious. That's how I see my life happening. I have been thinking a lot, and I don't believe the construct of a monogamous marriage is one that fits me personally. I would love to have several close female partners that I am both emotionally close to and sexually active with. I would be accepting of their multi-partnered lifestyle as well, if they so choose.

I don't care about getting STD's though I do care about giving any to others. I would avoid this. I also do not care about having any sort of "infinitely long" marriage contract. I wish marriages were like leases: maybe agree to be married for 5 or 6 years, then have the option to renew or not to renew.

So PF, feel free to release your opinions on the matter or judgments upon me! I would love to hear anyone else's non-traditional view on this matter.

Mentallic

I'm a lot like you, even though the thought of marriage is still years away from me.

Just out of curiosity, how would you feel about your wife playing the same game though?

Pengwuino

Well, as long as you're aware of the obvious problems you might face in a girl who is willing to hook up with a guy who will pay her minimal attention, then might as well try to find someone like that.

Lichdar

Well, I'm not sure if I can provide a non-traditional view for you; for my part, I've been comfortable with my steady girlfriend who I live with and in many ways, could be considered as married to. The notion of having someone to return home to is comfortable, not to mention the material benefits of not having to worry who's making my dinner or helping me sort out the numerous little aspects of life. I'd say that she's saved me a ton of money that I would have otherwise spent dining out, and for someone money-conscious like myself, that's a significant consideration.

I think that societal considerations would make your kind of an open relationship extremely difficult if not impossible, but I would not be the one to cast the first stone. That said, most such relationships that I've found were at least in some way exploitative.

Darken-Sol

when i start a relationship i let the other person know they can end it at any time with no hard feelings and i will do so aswell when it no longer seems worth the effort. i dont believe in forcing people into doing things they do not want to do. there are many women who accept this. yet it seems the older they are the more they need the commitment. as most of my "friends" are 22 to 29. i dated a 32 year old and it ended badly when i didn't want to stop "whoring about". you should care about STDs though you could spread them with no personal symptoms. bad karma.

SamirS

I would also change the name into something like "civil relationship". Marriage is a church thing, and if the church wants to prevent gay people from marrying, it's their private thing. This implies my view that on a secular level (i.e. regarding law) there also shouldn't be marriage for opposite-sex couples. State and country should only talk about civil relationships.

I like the idea of having certain time intervals at which you can part from your civil partner without the fuss of a divorce. The next thing to think about is what limitations there should be on the number of people participating in a single civil relationship.

SamirS

I would also change the name into something like "civil relationship". Marriage is a church thing, and if the church wants to prevent gay people from marrying, it's their private thing. This implies my view that on a secular level (i.e. regarding law) there also shouldn't be marriage for opposite-sex couples. State and country should only talk about civil relationships.

I like the idea of having certain time intervals at which you can part from your civil partner without the fuss of a divorce. The next thing to think about is what limitations there should be on the number of people participating in a single civil relationship.

BobG

Marriage is something that's important if you want to have children.

Raising children with a single parent is something that's doable, but there's a low percentage of people that could do it as effectively as a two parent family.

Or, a divorced couple can still work together well enough after divorce to effectively raise the children. That's hardly a true divorce, though, as both still wind up committing to live in the same town until the kids are grown and so on. It still usually winds up being a diminished environment for one reason or another.

So you ought to be looking for someone you could live with for at least 25 years or so.

After the kids are gone? Well, it would still be nice to have someone to spend the rest of your life with, especially since people tend to live another 30-50 years after the kids are gone. But it isn't as important as during the phase of your life when you were raising kids.

Or, you could go with efficiency, forego having kids, and, instead of getting married, just buy a woman half a house and then move on. If you meet a divorcee and you're really mean, you can make sure the half a house you buy her is two blocks away from the half a house she already owns. It makes it a lot harder for her to vacuum.

KingNothing

Perhaps I should not have posted this.

BobG

I hope it wasn't something I said.

For the record, I've only had one marriage and one divorce.

A person with a few more marriages and divorces could probably give you better advice.

I think that's how it works, right?

Lichdar

For what it is worth, I also know people who have been more or less happily married for decades so I don't think that it is an entirely useless construct. I even have, in a way of speaking, a beautiful story of complete codependency between a couple that aged together and absolutely required the other to take care of the other. When one of them finally passed away, the other rapidly languished and died - so in a manner of speaking, they lived together and died together.

turbo

Monogamous marriage works very well for some people. My wife and I have been together for 36+years now. If she passed away, I would not remarry, nor would she if I passed. It's not an agreement of any kind - it's just the way that we feel. After decades of fitting our lives into each other's, it would feel awkward to share a similar intimacy with another mate. Companionship, dating, etc? Probably OK, but I don't know about another long-term commitment.

Physics-Learner

marriage has 2 very different concepts. are we talking about legal or emotional ?

a legal marriage is just a contract regarding property rights. i would never do this.

turbo

No more marriages for me. My wife has said that if she should pass away, I ought to take Duke for walks in local towns. He is an instant ice-breaker. I might be able to find some casual companionship that way, but I don't want another wife.

Evo

My children were thrilled when their father and I divorced. Living with two unhappy parents made them miserable. We didn't battle over them, didn't set any rules for visitation. When they wanted to be with me, they were with me, when they wanted to be with their dad, they went to their dad's. If they wanted to be with different parents, they went separately. Everyone was happy. When they had an invite for a sleep over, they went, they were never forced to be with one of us instead of being able to do what their friends of married parents could do.

For holidays, they went to their dad's after he re-married because he had big parties that included her wild hillbilly family. Then we'd do the same holiday a few days later with me.

I wish my parents had divorced, they were miserable.

EMFsmith

Isn't AIDS an std? I think you would be VERY f*****g bothered if you got that mate!
As the song goes: I've had crabs, I've had lice
I've had the clap and that ain't nice
So what, so what

Astronuc

Marriage seems to work for a little less than half the populations. Both sets of grandparents were married for nearly 60 years, and both marriages cut short by the deaths of grandmothers. My parents are approaching 55 years and hoping to get to 60 and beyond.

I'm approaching 29 of marriage, and 30 years with the same woman since last March.

It's nice to have a partner on whom I can count.

If my wife were to predecease me, I'd marry again to a certain rather incredible woman if she was so inclined.