Where I am now.


by Dougggggg
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netgypsy
netgypsy is offline
#19
Dec19-11, 02:37 PM
P: 239
Remember there are a lot of software programs that will turn spoken speech into text on the computer. Your university should have a handicapped help person on the staff and they should be able to advise you on that. Deaf people especially use this sort of software and it's a lot better now. Check on it in case your hand is hurting and you need to do some work that requires writing. It should speed up your ability to get caught up. If Stephen Hawking can communicate, you certainly can do so without always having to use your hand.

Regarding exercise - just WALK. It's free and it really helps.
Dougggggg
Dougggggg is offline
#20
Dec19-11, 03:00 PM
P: 163
Quote Quote by netgypsy View Post
Remember there are a lot of software programs that will turn spoken speech into text on the computer. Your university should have a handicapped help person on the staff and they should be able to advise you on that. Deaf people especially use this sort of software and it's a lot better now. Check on it in case your hand is hurting and you need to do some work that requires writing. It should speed up your ability to get caught up. If Stephen Hawking can communicate, you certainly can do so without always having to use your hand.

Regarding exercise - just WALK. It's free and it really helps.
Well it was just a temporary thing so I didn't want to have to go through all of that mess at the time when I still sorta felt like hell from the whole surgery experience. I am already regaining the ability to write again fairly decently (my handwriting is awful to begin with so really only I can tell the subtle differences). By the time school starts back I will be fine. As for walking, I actually do walk, I just never really consider it exercise. I usually just go for walks whenever I need to take a break from some present stress. I will take a walk to regain composure and separate myself from my stress a bit. When I normally think of exercise, I think of building muscle. I can usually get back to near my high school level of conditioning in a couple of weeks easy and I don't really get much joy out of it. In fact, soon as my arm is well enough I will probably try to play intramural basketball again this year. First couple games I will be winded and be asking for subs quickly, by mid season I will be fine to go full speed for all 40 minutes. I guess I was thinking way too narrowly about what exercise entails. Part of me does wanna start working out and get muscular but I never can stick with it. One day I will regret it whenever all those years I could have been putting on muscle are behind and it then seems impossible to see the slightest gains.
netgypsy
netgypsy is offline
#21
Dec19-11, 07:34 PM
P: 239
Yes the girls like a nice physique on a guy but NOT like the body builders. Weight lifting is fine three days a week or so but it's the walking, cycling roller blade, skiing, dancing, hiking that helps the psyche, something that is repetitive, strenuous enough to get your heart and respiration up but not "gut busting" all the time. (If you do or don't know how to dance, this is a great way to meet people and have fun and exercise.) Just try different things and pretend you're having a good time and one day you'll see you really are having a good time.
Dougggggg
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#22
Dec28-11, 07:45 PM
P: 163
I received an email from her recently.... I was not expecting this at all.

"Doug,

We were so foolish.

I don't want to be fighting, but you must understand that I cannot be in communication right now. I'm such a mess. I never wanted to be fighting with you. Please, give me some space to myself though - please do not reply to this. I very much need space. I know you don't like that, and I'm sorry. It's just what I need.

Take care of yourself."

Why would someone message someone who isn't messaging them just to tell them not to message them and give them space? I'm so confused. I don't know what to think of this and I do not want to jump to anything right away. Any ideas of thoughts about what this could mean?
sweetpotato
sweetpotato is offline
#23
Dec29-11, 12:30 PM
P: 151
She probably just wanted to show she cares about your wellbeing, even though she doesn't want to maintain a relationship with you right now. Personally I think it was pointless for her to send you this message as it just repeats what she's been saying all along: she needs space, but feels bad because you are going through a tough time. IMO don't respond to this message. She doesn't want a response, and the kindest thing you can do for her right now is respect her wishes.
netgypsy
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#24
Dec29-11, 04:24 PM
P: 239
She feels guilty

She wants her space but also probably needs an ego boost that she would get if you answer her email

Get on with your life wothout her and you might want to use a different primary email addy

If you should run into her in a couple of years you can always say you never got the email

She cant have you as a backup in case her new relationships dont work out

A real woman would make a clean break this is a very unkind thing for her to do

Shame on her
Evo
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#25
Dec29-11, 04:38 PM
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Quote Quote by netgypsy View Post
She feels guilty

She wants her space but also probably needs an ego boost that she would get if you answer her email

Get on with your life wothout her and you might want to use a different primary email addy

If you should run into her in a couple of years you can always say you never got the email

She cant have you as a backup in case her new relationships dont work out

A real woman would make a clean break this is a very unkind thing for her to do

Shame on her
She might have heard from mutual friends that he's still obsessed with her and sent one more "stay away from me, I mean it" e-mail incase she feels the need to take out a restraining order.

It sounds like she is frustrated and really does not want any contact, but is trying to be nice about it.
Dougggggg
Dougggggg is offline
#26
Dec29-11, 06:01 PM
P: 163
I had no intention of getting in contact with her. In fact, all of our mutual friends have heard me say recently, I have done all I can do. The rest is on her, I'm planning on it not happening though. That is what they have heard from me, sure I've said to my friends I still miss her and still love her but it is out of my hands. I wasn't going to message her and if I was I certainly wouldn't have mentioned it to mutual friends. Honestly, if she wants to still be friends I would love that. If not though, again, I have done what I can do.
turbo
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#27
Dec29-11, 07:01 PM
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Doug, give yourself some space from "yourself". Right now, you are focused on the loss, and that is not good for you. I have found that animals are the best therapists. If you are not in a position to own a pet, please consider volunteering at the local animal shelter, as your schedule permits. Once dogs get to know you, they express boundless joy when they see you enter the room, and their love is unconditional. Cats - well not so much.

A HS student in Waterville, ME used to volunteer to take dogs out for exercise at the local shelter, and saw the need for a nice fenced-in exercise yard for the shelter's dogs. He started a drive for funds and contracted with a local fencing company to build the enclosure at a discount, so he could get the best bang for the buck. That kid is a hero in my eyes.

Edit: focusing on opportunity and growth (as opposed to loss and sadness) is healthy for you. You need some re-direction in that regard, IMO. People can do a lot of good (and help their own self-image and outlook) with an attitude that emphasizes giving and "filling needs". No need to go overboard, but giving of yourself gives you back more than you give.
netgypsy
netgypsy is offline
#28
Dec30-11, 11:05 AM
P: 239
Isn't she in Korea?

If so, and he's in the US, a restraining order would not likely be needed plus he hasn't contacted her recently
netgypsy
netgypsy is offline
#29
Dec30-11, 11:29 AM
P: 239
The women in our family repeat a woman knows it is cruel to try to do the friend thing with a guy who loves you and you don't love him

Animals do help with grief and are great chick magnets too but only if you really like and can care for one
Dougggggg
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#30
Dec31-11, 09:38 PM
P: 163
Honestly, I'm more worried about taking care of everything in my life than I am finding another woman. I couldn't commit my heart to her fully and she would be getting a raw deal. Here is the thing, I said goodbye completely already. I hadn't made any effort to contact her whatsoever. It seems like the only logical reason for her to actually message would be if she is meaning that the space is temporary because of the much calmer tone to the email in comparison to almost anything else. Especially since I specifically said, do not contact me unless you are wanting to forgive me and move forward or you want/need to talk to me (honestly, I didn't think it would be a problem, I just didn't want to keep getting false hope of things maybe going to be okay). It honestly sounds like she just wants to work on herself for a little while, that and she has said before she worries that we would repeat past patterns when broken apart (has happened once before) by getting back together. I would rather at least be friends with her. She has meant a great deal to me in my life even before we dated. I could live with that, I love seeing her happy. Right now, that is not the case, and it is beyond even just me. I want to help and believe I could be a great help but she doesn't want me to do a thing. The real cruelty is this uncertainty I am left with right now. I haven't slept in 30 hours just because of this confusion I am left in.

I honestly want to tell her that her messaging me in such vague statements and then telling me not to message her is torturing me but I can't see anyway that conversation would do good.
Dougggggg
Dougggggg is offline
#31
Dec31-11, 09:45 PM
P: 163
Oh, a positive note, going to the Joint Mathematics Meeting in Boston here in a few days. Normally our school will pay for upperclassmen to go but the professor in charge of it invited me to come along as well since they had enough funding for one more. I'm prioritizing enjoying that over all this mess going on. It can bother me when I get back.
netgypsy
netgypsy is offline
#32
Jan1-12, 12:29 AM
P: 239
Change your email addy
You do not need this
If you two are really right for each other you will still be right in five years

Leave it alone and get your life back

No woman you would want a long term relationship with would string you along like this

Cut the strings and move forward

One other thing - you will discover that at times what you think is love is more wanting to find the right person than actually finding the right person. You have to be whole and no longer needy to be really ready when that person comes into your life. At that time you can partner because you both make each other better not because you cant manage alone just fine

Have fun on you trip and tell us about it when you get back
Dougggggg
Dougggggg is offline
#33
Jan2-12, 12:04 AM
P: 163
Thanks, I can`t actually change that email, it`s my school email. I ignored even my own wisdom. I went ahead and asked why are you sending this and what did you mean by this. Explained how this is making it harder on me and causing me agony. She apologized and said it was a poorly worded apology for a fight we had on the phone before I said my goodbye. She then said she still needs space and if I ever want to be friends again it is vital for her to get that space. Another email that is just giving me what is mostly false hope. I`m pretty certain she wants enough time and space so that she doesn`t feel at risk for wanting to be with me. Well, she actually said that herself. It is frustrating to no end. In spite of all of this, I can`t imagine anything happier than being with her again. I know I will be fine with her but I still want to be with her. I would be estatic just to be friends again.
netgypsy
netgypsy is offline
#34
Jan2-12, 12:50 AM
P: 239
Shame on her. She's keeping you as backup. That is NOT nice. And what WERE you thinking when you answered her?? Oh well - I did the same thing once too. I knew better but still did it. Luckily for me the person I was was agonizing over got married fairly soon after that. I got over it and moved on and found someone 1000 times better.

You're saying you can't set up a yahoo or gmail or hotmail email addy???

Well hang in there. Here's something to think about - suppose she came back to you tomorrow. You were overjoyed. She's back. You think you're back in heaven until you start thinking - WHAT IF SHE Does THE SAME THING AGAIN??? Leaves again. You'll start agonizing over the possibility and it will drive you crazy because she did it once. Who is to stop her from doing it again and again??? Can you ever trust her not to break your heart a second and third and fourth time??? NO you can't.
Dougggggg
Dougggggg is offline
#35
Jan2-12, 01:36 AM
P: 163
I think she just honestly think that on paper things can`t work because I would perfer living in the states and she would rather live overseas doing mission work. I would live overseas with her before I would choose to be without her but she will not let me change my plans for her. The reasons for the hostility have been post breakup arguments. Now she is fighting against any desire to be with me and trying to protect herself from being wooed by me again. I could make another email but my school email is the ones my teachers will use. I disagree with your last point, trust can be rebuilt. This is what is going to happen, calling it now. Either we will never speak again or we will be back together within the year. She will not be friends because she does not trust herself it appears.
Jasongreat
Jasongreat is offline
#36
Jan2-12, 01:59 AM
P: 75
Here is a video of a philosophical genius, pay particular attention to his #1 thing to remember towards the end, very stoical. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2IedSTcpbk

He also has a couple videos on other pressing subjects, they can be found here: Moms and Dads. These last two are off topic but it seems like you need a reason to smile, enjoy.


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