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My favorite jokes thread

by dextercioby
Tags: my favorite jokes
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Lisa!
#19
Jul9-05, 12:26 PM
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "maybe, but you'll have to tell me the exact words taht were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife"!


My best jokes are too long!And I'm too lazy to write them!





Quote Quote by dextercioby
Seriously now, why not?
Sorry, I was too excited about your birthday, so I forgot to answer your question!
You know some of dirty jokes are really disgusting! And if you tell me 1 of them, you'll always remind me of that joke and I'll prefer not to talk to you! Now if you dislike talking to me, go ahead! That's the best way to get rid of me!
wolram
#20
Jul9-05, 01:00 PM
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O'Neil was walking home from the pub one night when lo and behold he
sees one of the Little Folk. He sneaks up and catches him in is stare
and demands three wishes for the little mans freedom. "Granted" says the
man in green, "but whatever I do for you, O'Reily will get twofold!" Now
O'Reily is no friend of O'Neil, in fact they hate each other, but O'Neil
agrees.
"For my first wish I'd like a mansion full of expensive antiques and
beautiful women."
"Granted, and of course O'Reily gets two!"
"For my second wish I'd like a beautiful, sexy, redheaded nymphomaniac."
"Granted, and of course O'Reily gets two women."
Now by this stage O'Neil is pissed off, the hated O'Reily getting two
mansions and two nymphomaniacs. Suddenly inspiration hits him.
"For my third wish, I want you to remove one of my testicles!.
Dr.Brain
#21
Jul9-05, 01:31 PM
P: 541
Quote Quote by dextercioby

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO

Costello Wants to buy a Computer from Abbott.

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den,
and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the names Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my names Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in
the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer
and software.
ABBOTT: Software for windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can
use to write proposals, track expenses and run my
business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend
anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend office with windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office a nd it has
windows! OK, lets just say, I'm sitting at my computer
and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you
don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget
that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I
watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I
need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If its a long movie I also want to see reel
2, 3 and 4. Can I
watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great, with what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO; OK, I'm at my computer a nd I want to watch
a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1."
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1."
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W"?
ABBOTT: The blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for
windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But its the most popular Word in
the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other
Words left. It Pretty much wiped out all the other
Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One
isn't even Part of Office.
COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about
financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my
money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?
How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(LATER)

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off??
ABBOTT: Click on "START"
....................................


Daniel.
This one was the pick of all jokes , I really liked it.And I liked the dirty ones also in your first post , though you can refrain from posting dirty ones , because most of them are intended against womenhood. .

(What wonders me is that why dont some people (mostly fem) donot like dirty ones? ...)
dextercioby
#22
Jul9-05, 01:35 PM
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Quote Quote by Lisa!
Sep. 11th! 2 disaster! (well, I know lots of people who was born on sep. 11th!)
There ain't nobody like me, that's for sure.

Quote Quote by Lisa!
Why do you know some dirty jokes if you're really innocent?
I'm innocent= I haven't been convicted.

Quote Quote by Lisa!
I won't read them!
I won't post them.

Daniel.
dextercioby
#23
Jul9-05, 01:51 PM
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Quote Quote by Lisa!
Sorry, I was too excited about your birthday, so I forgot to answer your question!
You know some of dirty jokes are really disgusting!
I'm sorry you think that way, you dunno what you're missing.


Quote Quote by Lisa!
And if you tell me 1 of them, you'll always remind me of that joke and I'll prefer not to talk to you!
I dunno if you'll remember me, but if, by chance, you will, it won't be over some stupid (disgusting for you ) joke.

Quote Quote by Lisa!
Now if you dislike talking to me, go ahead! That's the best way to get rid of me!
I don't. I won't.

Daniel.
Lisa!
#24
Jul9-05, 10:55 PM
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Remember I asked you about and ? You know seems to be kind of stupid and as you said childish!But I think is better for you.


Quote Quote by dextercioby
There ain't nobody like me, that's for sure.
But I think there's nobody like you!



I'm innocent= I haven't been convicted.
Oh perfect.Maybe innocent means a clever criminal!


I won't post them.
Thanks.
Lisa!
#25
Jul9-05, 11:45 PM
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Quote Quote by dextercioby




I dunno if you'll remember me,

Daniel.
I won't forget you forever! (add it to "Women top lies" list but seriously I don't think I'll forget you because I have a good memory.
dextercioby
#26
Jul9-05, 11:56 PM
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Quote Quote by Lisa!
Remember I asked you about and ?
Yes, i remember, i'm not that old, remember?

Quote Quote by Lisa!
You know seems to be kind of stupid and as you said childish!But I think is better for you.
Ok. I'll take it out of my vocabulary.

Quote Quote by Lisa!
Oh perfect.Maybe innocent means a clever criminal!
It would be a real shame, if i was stupid, right?

Daniel.
dextercioby
#27
Jul9-05, 11:58 PM
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Quote Quote by Lisa!
I won't forget you forever! (add it to "Women top lies" list but seriously I don't think I'll forget you because I have a good memory.
Let's time decide that. For now, i'm still here.

Daniel.
Lisa!
#28
Jul10-05, 12:09 AM
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We're not chitchating, are we?
dextercioby
#29
Jul10-05, 12:16 AM
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Yes, we are. It took you kinda long to figure it out. One more week. It's written under my sweet green avatar.

Daniel.
Lisa!
#30
Jul10-05, 12:18 AM
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We have no excuse to chitchat through other threads because Franzbear is alive now!
Lisa!
#31
Jul10-05, 12:21 AM
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And how do you want to change it after you leave here?
dextercioby
#32
Jul10-05, 12:22 AM
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I won't post in there. Nope, there's no point for me to post there anymore. It should be locked again. Poor Tribdog would be pi$$ed off at Evo for doing what she did.

Daniel.

P.S. Apparently, there are other 20 online members in GD. Why are the only ones posting? :
dextercioby
#33
Jul10-05, 12:23 AM
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Quote Quote by Lisa!
And how do you want to change it after you leave here?
Stick around and you'll find out.

Daniel.
Lisa!
#34
Jul10-05, 12:24 AM
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No idea!Sounds like we go to the other world instead of getting back Franzbear to our world!
dextercioby
#35
Jul10-05, 12:27 AM
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I didn't get it. Could you translate it to plain (American) English, please?

Daniel.
Icebreaker
#36
Jul10-05, 12:39 AM
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A blonde, redhead and brunette are running away from the cops. They decide to ditch their car and hide in potato bags. The police catches up and finds three potato bags on the side. They kick the first one, in which is the brunette.

"Meow," the brunette said.
"Must be a cat," the police moved on and kicked the bag with the redhead.

"Woof," the redhead said.
"Must be a dog," the police moved on to the bag with the blonde and kicked it.

"Potato."


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