A broken heart

  • #1

Main Question or Discussion Point

hey everyone well i just want to know how to solve this problem i asked a really cute girl but she is heart broken from her last x by the way her first love and i dont know how can i play the role of a savior ?? any advice thank you
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
Lichdar
Wanting to 'play the role of the savior' is a bit worrisome to me, to be honest. Its a lot like saying that I want to play the role of the winning batter or top of the class; it is a state of being rather than a state of choice.

Anyway, if you want to be there for her, just be there for her. Talk to her, reassure her, and be a friend. Don't expect anything from it; care because you care, not because you want something from it.

This is coming from someone who essentially has a successful 'rescue' relationship: the notion of rescue doesn't last long, no matter how grateful the rescuee is, nor should it, really. It is at best, a pleasant and romantic way to begin a relationship, and nothing more. The rest is the usual connection and compromise, based around something of common ground and commitment.

Oh, and if you're actually interested in her, for God's sake avoid any temptation to ask her to validate you. You do that, you'll be in the friendzone and you can kiss any chances of her actually being interested in you gone.
 
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  • #3
i didnt mean that but i really like her you know i just want it so bad anyway
she said that she cant be ready for a another realtionship but what i did is that i am letting her talk to the maximum so that she knows i am here for here as you said yesterday when she said no she thought i was sad in fact her x is my best friend (i figured that out lately) and when the x found out he said that if someone should take my place as her boyfriend it should be me and she isnt sad at all that i asked so i will try my best to be there for her and hope for the best
 
  • #4
can you explain the last sentence
Oh, and if you're actually interested in her, for God's sake avoid any temptation to ask her to validate you. You do that, you'll be in the friendzone and you can kiss any chances of her actually being interested in you gone
thanks
 
  • #5
Lichdar
Just don't act too interested in her - if you give her the power to validate you, she'll rapidly lose interest. Beond that, I'm not sure if you're interested in her for the right reasons - you mentioned that she was attractive but not a single pertinent fact of her personality. Its your game to play, though.

What happened with her first relationship?
 
  • #6
she fell love in her first realtion and one mistake which is not very clear to me so she is devastated
about her she is very smart great personality cute ready to give whatever she has to make the person happy the calm kind not the rude kind of people man i am not the type of guys who talks too much about feelings but now you know
 
  • #7
Lichdar
Well, good luck and I hope things work out for you two.
 
  • #8
Borek
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hey everyone well i just want to know how to solve this problem i asked a really cute girl but she is heart broken from her last x by the way her first love and i dont know how can i play the role of a savior ?? any advice thank you
i didnt mean that but i really like her you know i just want it so bad anyway
she said that she cant be ready for a another realtionship but what i did is that i am letting her talk to the maximum so that she knows i am here for here as you said yesterday when she said no she thought i was sad in fact her x is my best friend (i figured that out lately) and when the x found out he said that if someone should take my place as her boyfriend it should be me and she isnt sad at all that i asked so i will try my best to be there for her and hope for the best
she fell love in her first realtion and one mistake which is not very clear to me so she is devastated
about her she is very smart great personality cute ready to give whatever she has to make the person happy the calm kind not the rude kind of people man i am not the type of guys who talks too much about feelings but now you know
can you explain the last sentence
she fell love in her first realtion and one mistake which is not very clear to me so she is devastated
about her she is very smart great personality cute ready to give whatever she has to make the person happy the calm kind not the rude kind of people man i am not the type of guys who talks too much about feelings but now you know
Please buy a new keyboard, one with Shift (or at least Caps Lock) and punctuation marks. You are breaking my heart writing the way you do.
 
  • #9
jhae2.718
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(or at least Caps Lock)
Please, no caps lock.
 
  • #10
BobG
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she said that she cant be ready for a another realtionship
At least she possesses some maturity and mental health.

Usually, being the rebound guy (or girl) results in a pretty painful relationship. You get tossed aside either when they reunite with the person that dumped them or when they've recovered enough of their self esteem to start looking for a person that has more desirable qualities.

I think Borek is being rather harsh. I know what it's like to be writing the last novel in a series and have one of your fans lock you up in a room with a def ctive typ writ r. it r ally sucks wh n the ' ' k y br aks right in th middl of a word.
 
  • #11
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If she's so heartbroken she probably doesn't want another relationship - she wants her old boyfriend back.
 
  • #12
FlexGunship
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she said that she cant be ready for a another realtionship but what i did is that i am letting her talk to the maximum so that she knows i am here for here
Friend zone!
 
  • #13
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7,801
don't play games. just be yourself and the best possible outcome will present itself even if it's not exactly what you want. such is life
 
  • #14
Lichdar
don't play games. just be yourself and the best possible outcome will present itself even if it's not exactly what you want. such is life
I'm sorry, but 'the best possible outcome will present itself' and 'just be yourself' seem fundamentally incompatible unless you believe that your actions have no effect whatsoever on the outcome. I honestly think that being 'yourself' is much too highly overrated and there's quite a bit more to be learned from taking on and removing a variety of social masks: acting is being, they say. Gaining that additional bit of new perspective can be immensely beneficial when seeking to manipulate future social interactions to one's benefit.
 
  • #15
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I'm sorry, but 'the best possible outcome will present itself' and 'just be yourself' seem fundamentally incompatible unless you believe that your actions have no effect whatsoever on the outcome. I honestly think that being 'yourself' is much too highly overrated and there's quite a bit more to be learned from taking on and removing a variety of social masks: acting is being, they say. Gaining that additional bit of new perspective can be immensely beneficial when seeking to manipulate future social interactions to one's benefit.
i hope you are being sarcastic
 
  • #16
lisab
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I'm sorry, but 'the best possible outcome will present itself' and 'just be yourself' seem fundamentally incompatible unless you believe that your actions have no effect whatsoever on the outcome. I honestly think that being 'yourself' is much too highly overrated and there's quite a bit more to be learned from taking on and removing a variety of social masks: acting is being, they say. Gaining that additional bit of new perspective can be immensely beneficial when seeking to manipulate future social interactions to one's benefit.
If you just relax and be yourself you'll never have to worry about "slipping up". Sooner or later, your true colors will show. Can't keep a mask on forever.
 
  • #18
Lichdar
Personalities are not plastic - the more you 'wear a mask' of being someone, the more you actually do become that someone. While its true that you cannot just adopt a new role entirely, it /does/ change you as well and such changes can be effective in making yourself more of the person you wish to be.

On a more temporary basis, the ability to present yourself as someone else has its obvious benefits to their reactions.
 
  • #19
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On a more temporary basis, the ability to present yourself as someone else has its obvious benefits to their reactions.
If you want a genuine lasting relationship each partners core personalities must be compatible. If you want a fling or a one night stand then manipulate away.
 
  • #20
BobG
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I'm sorry, but 'the best possible outcome will present itself' and 'just be yourself' seem fundamentally incompatible unless you believe that your actions have no effect whatsoever on the outcome. I honestly think that being 'yourself' is much too highly overrated and there's quite a bit more to be learned from taking on and removing a variety of social masks: acting is being, they say. Gaining that additional bit of new perspective can be immensely beneficial when seeking to manipulate future social interactions to one's benefit.
Social interactions or personal interactions?

There's a line between situations where what you say would be true and where what you say would result in nothing but personal frustration.

I think most of the responses in this thread have to do with personal relationships - not social interactions with, say, business associates.
 
  • #21
Lichdar
Social interactions or personal interactions?

There's a line between situations where what you say would be true and where what you say would result in nothing but personal frustration.

I think most of the responses in this thread have to do with personal relationships - not social interactions with, say, business associates.
The line is somewhat illusionary; in both cases, I think it is a pair of individuals seeking to find some form of return for the effort they put in. You should certainly not sacrifice your personal being for the approval of another; but being able to be flexible in presentation is always a benefit.

Friend zone!
Almost a shoo-in, but not entirely. I have female friends who 'spill their guts out' but who I still could relatively easily convert into romantic partners. It has something to do with overall handling; a girl can confide both in a boyfriend or a best friend. If you're interested in her, your goal would be to try to guide her into assigning your mentally or emotionally into the former rather than the latter role. My personal experience is that I can at least maintain that tension for two if not three years(and on going), which is a bit pointless, but I think enjoyable for myself and the girl.
 
  • #22
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Can't keep a mask on forever.
No, but you can keep it for a weekend :P Sometimes is enough. Im only half kidding.
 
  • #23
thank you all , and about the puctuation is it really necessary??
since i am writing the right language i dont think it is that necessary, but dont worry i will commit to the rules thank you all but you guys what can you conclude from this ? just stay beside her for the hard time she is going through because that is what i am doing for the time being
 
  • #24
Lichdar
I conclude the following:

1) By not using appropriate punctuation, you reduce communication potential and come off as less mature and educated. It also makes your thoughts more rambling and disjointed.

2) You probably don't have a chance for her romantically, not soon at any rate. You seem to have been friendzoned.

3) You're a good person and if you're glad to just be that, then more power to you.
 
  • #25
and i conclude the following:
1- you are right about the puctuation
2- you may lose many battles but in the end we will find the war of love where we will actually win
3-love is never a game
thank you all for the help
 

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