So I met this guy online. At first, I thought he was gay. (I love that story.) After talking to him for a while, I thought he was strange. After a while more, I found him annoying. And after even longer, he became a good friend. I started to like him, and I wanted him to like me. We kept growing closer and it seemed at times like he might be willing to give us a chance, but whenever I asked about it directly, he said that he wanted to just be friends. Fast forward about four years. He is my best friend. We have gone through this cycle several times of me wanting more, him saying no, and me accepting that and giving up. No matter what I do, the cycle keeps repeating. He and his girlfriend broke up several months ago, starting another cycle of us growing closer. It's incredibly hard for me to not be there for him when he is sad. Anyway, I finally realized that we had to give our romantic relationship a chance. Something had to change. We had to go on a date. It seemed like a very simple thing. After a lot of back and forth, I got a straight answer from him. It was a no. He thought it wasn't worth it. (We live about 1200 miles apart (though those things can change).) So he wants to just be friends, and I don't want to just be friends, and I don't think anything is going to change that. And as long as we try to just be friends, I'll keep having to go through this oscillation of growing closer to him, caring more about him, and then having to push myself away. And that is just too painful and not fair to me. So we just can't be friends. I don't think I ever really managed to explain this to him, but I finally just had to say goodbye. It's been about a month since our friendship ended, or changed drastically. We've talked a few times. I'd like us to be able to be friendly now and then, like old friends. I'm okay with it sometimes. Sometimes, I even almost convince myself that things are better this way. But sometimes I miss him almost as much as I did the first day, and I wish there was something I could do to change his mind. And I'm not sure what to do when I feel this way. Maybe it's just a physiological process that has to run its course. He was my best friend, and we did talk almost daily for four years, so turning to him had become habitual, I was accustomed to him being there, there are a lot of memories to distance myself from, lots of what-ifs to let go of, and so on. Or maybe it's something psychological that I have to reason myself through. Or maybe it's a mix of both. I am not sure. So when it feels like things are worse now than before, I don't know if I would be better off ignoring it or confronting it. He is the one that I would normally have talked to about something like this. So... what do I do? I'm trying to do my homework, but this is distracting me.