A person whom 1 of my best freinds is so madly in love with and always

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  • #1
Lisa!
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A person whom 1 of my best freinds is so madly in love with and always speak about his greatness and intelligence when we talk to each other, has recently asked me out!:bugeye: It was some time ago when she introduced us to each other in a meeting at university . Last week I realized that he had added me in facebook and PMed me. So I just responded to his PM and then he left his phone number and asked me to set a plan for going out and meeting each other. I was shocked especially because he's 1 of those guys whom his friends are always mad at him because he's too busy and do not spend much time with them!:bugeye: He's really a cool guy and teaches at university and I like to be freind with him. I don't want to make a big deal of things but I guess it couldn't be just a usual meeting and since my freind and he are really close friend , sooner or later she'll find out. Should I be worried about losing my friend?
Have you ever been in the same situation and what have you done? What would you feel about me if you were that freind of me?
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2


In most cases I would agree that he seems to intend something more than just hanging out as friends. But I would not know. It may be about something else. He may wish to talk to you about your mutual friend.
Your friend has not told him she is interested in him I am guessing?
I would say just let him know about your concern. If you are not interested in dating him then tell him that you are worried he might get the wrong idea if you were to make plans to spend time alone with him. Say that you enjoy his company and would certainly like to get together with friends some time if that is alright with him. If it turns out he has some other intention for meeting you then I assume he would explain that to you.

Would responding like this be socially awkward where you live?
 
  • #3


I don't see why people get too attached to people they are not dating. If you're friend gets so attached that it would affect her, either your friend needs to evaluate her thinking or you need to evaluate who you choose as friends.

I can admire a girl, and admire her a lot. But I will not be saddened if she chose to date one of my friends.

I think if you are interested in him and think he could be a good mate/partner, go for it.
 
  • #4
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A person whom 1 of my best freinds is so madly in love with and always speak about his greatness and intelligence when we talk to each other, has recently asked me out!:bugeye: It was some time ago when she introduced us to each other in a meeting at university . Last week I realized that he had added me in facebook and PMed me. So I just responded to his PM and then he left his phone number and asked me to set a plan for going out and meeting each other. I was shocked especially because he's 1 of those guys whom his friends are always mad at him because he's too busy and do not spend much time with them!:bugeye: He's really a cool guy and teaches at university and I like to be freind with him. I don't want to make a big deal of things but I guess it couldn't be just a usual meeting and since my freind and he are really close friend , sooner or later she'll find out. Should I be worried about losing my friend?
Have you ever been in the same situation and what have you done? What would you feel about me if you were that freind of me?
I can't believe what I'm reading! My wife!

I DIVORCE YOU!
I DIVORCE YOU!
I DIVORCE YOU!
 
  • #5
Lisa!
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In most cases I would agree that he seems to intend something more than just hanging out as friends. But I would not know. It may be about something else. He may wish to talk to you about your mutual friend.
Your friend has not told him she is interested in him I am guessing?

She refers to him as his master, so I guess she hasn't clearly told him she was in love with him but from what she's told me I think the guy knows that she loves her.

I would say just let him know about your concern. If you are not interested in dating him then tell him that you are worried he might get the wrong idea if you were to make plans to spend time alone with him. Say that you enjoy his company and would certainly like to get together with friends some time if that is alright with him. If it turns out he has some other intention for meeting you then I assume he would explain that to you.

I really like the guy! I'm a big fan of his books and lectures. I never tried to approach him and get to know hi in personal level and honestly I don't know why! Maybe because I was afraid of falling in love with someone whom I consider my freind's partner.:wink:
Anyway even if it would be just an usual meeting my freind might get upset and get the wrong idea since he could have invited her as well.

Would responding like this be socially awkward where you live?

Nope, but it is awkward to make a big deal of things !:biggrin:

Nice respond , btw! The thing I'm wondering right now is wether I should let her know beforehand or not.:confused:
 
  • #6
Lisa!
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I don't see why people get too attached to people they are not dating. If you're friend gets so attached that it would affect her, either your friend needs to evaluate her thinking or you need to evaluate who you choose as friends.

I can admire a girl, and admire her a lot. But I will not be saddened if she chose to date one of my friends.

I think if you are interested in him and think he could be a good mate/partner, go for it.

I totally understand my freind's feelings towards him.They have alot in common with each other. He means alot to her and is someone that I guess nobody fail to love. She's a good friend and I'm proud of having such a friend.
 
  • #7
Lisa!
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I can't believe what I'm reading! My wife!

I DIVORCE YOU!
I DIVORCE YOU!
I DIVORCE YOU!

I thought I've married an open minded guy:bugeye: Hadn't you accepted that our marriage is an open marriage and I can freely cheat on you whenever I want?
BTW, remember you're not allowed to chaet on me in any situation:devil:
 
  • #8
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I thought I've married an open minded guy:bugeye: Hadn't you accepted that our marriage is an open marriage and I can freely cheat on you whenever I want?
BTW, remember you're not allowed to chaet on me in any situation:devil:
Excuse me, are you addressing me, oh person I'm not married to?
 
  • #9
Lisa!
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Excuse me, are you addressing me, oh person I'm not married to?

Are you appologizing and saying that you're openminded enough to let me go on dates with other people?:!!)
 
  • #10
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Are you appologizing and saying that you're openminded enough to let me go on dates with other people?:!!)

I have no say in the matter. We're divorced now. Go! Go, to your man of books and lectures! And do not return! You will never feel my hairy grasp again!
 
  • #11
Lisa!
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I have no say in the matter. We're divorced now. Go! Go, to your man of books and lectures! And do not return! You will never feel my hairy grasp again!

Is it your last words?:eek: I can't believe you!:devil:
Anyway I have no wish to be the wife of such a narrow-minded man:grumpy:
 
  • #12
Dembadon
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... The thing I'm wondering right now is wether I should let her know beforehand or not.:confused:

I, personally, would suggest being open with your friend about what is happening; however, you know your relationship with your friend better than we do. Some of the people I consider my closest friends are the ones who are brutally honest with me. Hopefully she would/will appreciate your transparency.

I think that it would be best for her to find out from you rather than "through the grapevine," which could be seen by her as deception. She is probably going to be upset, and as a friend, you are in the best position to discuss each other's feelings about the situation.
 
  • #13
Evo
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This is a tough one Lisa!. My girlfriends and I always had a pact that we didn't date a guy that our friend liked. Luckily our tastes where so different, it was never an issue.

If she likes the guy, I'm not going to give advice, that's a tough one.
 
  • #14
drizzle
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That was funny Zshoe and Lisa! :biggrin:

As for this matter, [IMO] IF I were you I would feel like :yuck: about myself, whether she was my friend or someone I know . I'll just pull myself out of that relationship. Of course, luckly I don't have hard feelings for him, but it would be tough if I do... I guess I get carried away :biggrin:
 
  • #15
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1


A person whom 1 of my best freinds is so madly in love with and always speak about his greatness and intelligence when we talk to each other, has recently asked me out!:bugeye: It was some time ago when she introduced us to each other in a meeting at university . Last week I realized that he had added me in facebook and PMed me. So I just responded to his PM and then he left his phone number and asked me to set a plan for going out and meeting each other. I was shocked especially because he's 1 of those guys whom his friends are always mad at him because he's too busy and do not spend much time with them!:bugeye: He's really a cool guy and teaches at university and I like to be freind with him. I don't want to make a big deal of things but I guess it couldn't be just a usual meeting and since my freind and he are really close friend , sooner or later she'll find out. Should I be worried about losing my friend?
Have you ever been in the same situation and what have you done? What would you feel about me if you were that freind of me?

Is she sleeping with this guy, or only secretly dreams of being with him and the guy keeps her as a friend ? Close friend doesnt mean "lover'

If they are just friends, go for it.
 
  • #16
Evo
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Is she sleeping with this guy, or only secretly dreams of being with him and the guy keeps her as a friend ? Close friend doesnt mean "lover'

If they are just friends, go for it.
You're forgetting that if she "goes" for it, she could lose her friend. In the end she could lose her friend and the guy too.

There is an issue of trust here between Lisa and her friend.
 
  • #17
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She refers to him as his master, so I guess she hasn't clearly told him she was in love with him but from what she's told me I think the guy knows that she loves her.



I really like the guy! I'm a big fan of his books and lectures. I never tried to approach him and get to know hi in personal level and honestly I don't know why! Maybe because I was afraid of falling in love with someone whom I consider my freind's partner.:wink:
Anyway even if it would be just an usual meeting my freind might get upset and get the wrong idea since he could have invited her as well.



Nope, but it is awkward to make a big deal of things !:biggrin:

Nice respond , btw! The thing I'm wondering right now is wether I should let her know beforehand or not.:confused:

put yourself in your girlfriend's place, because it sounds like you'll be in her shoes within a short time.

So, this guy has a 'groupie' following, like a rock star, and you think you'll be the one who can make him settle down with just one woman, or do you just want a fling (=you don't care about your girlfriend's feelings)?
 
  • #18
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You're forgetting that if she "goes" for it, she could lose her friend. In the end she could lose her friend and the guy too.

True. Well, my philosophy on this was better 1 unhappy person than 3 unhappy persons. I have no idea whatsoever how girls handle this kind of stuff, and what expectations they have from one another regarding what constituents an off limits man. For me and my friends that was "actively pursuing" & "relationship / marriage". I "dream of her" doesn't count. If she refused the active pursuer, she's fair game for all.
 
  • #19
31
2


Have a battle royale between you and your friend. Whoever is the victor will claim the man as her prize!

Gladiator-Tiger_Fight.jpg

(simulated fight image)
 
  • #20


You're forgetting that if she "goes" for it, she could lose her friend. In the end she could lose her friend and the guy too.

There is an issue of trust here between Lisa and her friend.

I think that most of us men just have different rules. From what I have seen and my own experience with my friends a female is only off limits if she is being actively pursued and even then only for so long as the friend is getting somewhere. Otherwise only exs are offlimits.

"Bros before hos" and the female equivalent "Chicks before dicks".
 
  • #21
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0


I, personally, would suggest being open with your friend about what is happening; however, you know your relationship with your friend better than we do. Some of the people I consider my closest friends are the ones who are brutally honest with me. Hopefully she would/will appreciate your transparency.

I think that it would be best for her to find out from you rather than "through the grapevine," which could be seen by her as deception. She is probably going to be upset, and as a friend, you are in the best position to discuss each other's feelings about the situation.

I agree completely here, you should be honest with your friend and get her opinion on the matter. I would also be careful what you tell her about his intentions for the meeting, especially if you aren't sure of what they are. If you told her he asked you on a date but he really just wanted to talk to you about the possibility of dating your friend, that situation wouldn't play out too well. Although it does sound like he is asking you out on a date, I would play it safe. Just be honest and sensitive.
 
  • #22
Lisa!
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Just an update:
1.I wanted to meet my freind in person and speak to her on that matter since I think it's not strange if I want to ask about her friend ! But she was on vacation and I decided not to tell her anything about this event right now!

2. It's a date for sure since he asked me whether I'm seeing anyone or not...


You're forgetting that if she "goes" for it, she could lose her friend. In the end she could lose her friend and the guy too.

There is an issue of trust here between Lisa and her friend.

And maybe not only 1 freind since we have so many mutual freinds who know her feelings towards him and they might get the impression that I'm a stealer...:uhh:
What makes the situation worse is that she was the 1 who arranged the meeting at uni and insisted that I should go.
 
  • #23
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If I were your friend, I would say go and have fun. And while you were out, I would sneak in your room and put itching powder in your pantie drawer.
 
  • #24
Lisa!
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If I were your friend, I would say go and have fun. And while you were out, I would sneak in your room and put itching powder in your pantie drawer.

:rofl::uhh:
 
  • #25
Lisa!
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So I finally didn't get the courage to say anything about this since I wanted to tell her in person and not by phone and she was on vacation! Then I decided to meet the guy anyway and put an end to this politely. The guy was so sweet, fun and intelligent as I expected and honestly I wasn't able to speak about my concerns for my friend and the future of this relationship at 1st. We talked to each other every night by phone or through internet every night and had a really great time although I sometimes could hardly understand him since he's got to Phds and study alot while I don't. But I finally got my courage tonight and emailed him and told him subtely that I don't think that would work and want to end it. I asked him not to respond to my email nor contact me since that way I feel more comfortable and it seems that he's accepted my decision. At 1st I felt relieved but now I feel so sad but I guess I'm strong enough to get it over...:frown:
 
  • #26
drizzle
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I know how it feels :frown:... But don't worry, eventually you will get over it. :smile:
 
  • #28
Lisa!
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Thank you, guys!:smile:
*hugs*
 
  • #29
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I am a bit conflicted with this. I've always thought a good friend would want me to be happy and wouldn't hold happiness from me. You can't force love and you shouldn't try to suppress it or manipulate it. If this man is better for you than for your friend then he should be with you.

People will say friends are worth more than "lovers", but I don't see much difference these days, especially if the lover is special. Friends come and go just like relationships, even best friends. On two occasions I've had best friends take my long term girlfriend away from me. Those two friends were really quality people and love won. Now both couples are married and really happy, so it was ugly at first, but necessary. And I have new friends.
 
Last edited:
  • #30
Lisa!
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I am a bit conflicted with this. I've always thought a good friend would want me to be happy and wouldn't hold happiness from me. You can't force love and you shouldn't try to suppress it or manipulate it. If this man is better for you than for your friend then he should be with you.

People will say friends are worth more than "lovers", but I don't see much difference these days, especially if the lover is special. Friends come and go just like relationships, even best friends. On two occasions I've had best friends take my long term girlfriend away from me. Those two friends were really quality people and love won. Now both couples are married and really happy, so it was ugly at first, but necessary. And I have new friends.

I agree with you! :smile: And I also believe that when we want to gain something really valuable we should not be afraid of losing valuable things like friends. I dated the guy anyway since I wanted to evaluate him and the situation and if I had got the imperession that he's a perfect match for me , I'd go for it and wouldn't worry that much what people might think of me. But as we were interacting , I realized that although he's a great guy, we're not so good for each other. I mean I sometimes had trouble understanding him and didn't share the same view in so many things. And the worst thing was that I felt really stupid when I was talking to him and I guess that was going to damage my self-confidence which is not a good thing.
I don't know why he's not asked my friend out since it seems to me they would be better match for each other since they have so many things in common. hmm... maybe they're afarid of ruining their platonic love:rolleyes:
 
  • #31
drizzle
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I am a bit conflicted with this. I've always thought a good friend would want me to be happy and wouldn't hold happiness from me...


......... Would that kind of friends provide you drugs if you tell'm you wanna feel high?! :biggrin:



You can't force love and you shouldn't try to suppress it or manipulate it. If this man is better for you than for your friend then he should be with you...

Did you read the title of the thread? She seems like she already decided what to do. :biggrin:
 
  • #32
drizzle
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Thank you, guys!:smile:
*hugs*

Yeah, you're welcome :grumpy:
 
  • #33
Lisa!
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......... Would that kind of friends provide you drugs if you tell'm you wanna feel high?! :biggrin:

Did you read the title of the thread? She seems like she already decided what to do. :biggrin:

:rofl:

Yeah, you're welcome :grumpy:

Thank you, gal!:smile:
*kiss and hug*
 

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