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A person whom 1 of my best freinds is so madly in love with and always

  1. Mar 16, 2010 #1

    Lisa!

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    A person whom 1 of my best freinds is so madly in love with and always speak about his greatness and intelligence when we talk to each other, has recently asked me out!:bugeye: It was some time ago when she introduced us to each other in a meeting at university . Last week I realized that he had added me in facebook and PMed me. So I just responded to his PM and then he left his phone number and asked me to set a plan for going out and meeting each other. I was shocked especially because he's 1 of those guys whom his friends are always mad at him because he's too busy and do not spend much time with them!:bugeye: He's really a cool guy and teaches at university and I like to be freind with him. I don't want to make a big deal of things but I guess it couldn't be just a usual meeting and since my freind and he are really close friend , sooner or later she'll find out. Should I be worried about losing my friend?
    Have you ever been in the same situation and what have you done? What would you feel about me if you were that freind of me?
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 16, 2010 #2
    Re: Stealer?

    In most cases I would agree that he seems to intend something more than just hanging out as friends. But I would not know. It may be about something else. He may wish to talk to you about your mutual friend.
    Your friend has not told him she is interested in him I am guessing?
    I would say just let him know about your concern. If you are not interested in dating him then tell him that you are worried he might get the wrong idea if you were to make plans to spend time alone with him. Say that you enjoy his company and would certainly like to get together with friends some time if that is alright with him. If it turns out he has some other intention for meeting you then I assume he would explain that to you.

    Would responding like this be socially awkward where you live?
     
  4. Mar 16, 2010 #3
    Re: Stealer?

    I don't see why people get too attached to people they are not dating. If you're friend gets so attached that it would affect her, either your friend needs to evaluate her thinking or you need to evaluate who you choose as friends.

    I can admire a girl, and admire her a lot. But I will not be saddened if she chose to date one of my friends.

    I think if you are interested in him and think he could be a good mate/partner, go for it.
     
  5. Mar 16, 2010 #4
    Re: Stealer?

    I can't believe what I'm reading! My wife!

    I DIVORCE YOU!
    I DIVORCE YOU!
    I DIVORCE YOU!
     
  6. Mar 16, 2010 #5

    Lisa!

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    Re: Stealer?

    She refers to him as his master, so I guess she hasn't clearly told him she was in love with him but from what she's told me I think the guy knows that she loves her.

    I really like the guy! I'm a big fan of his books and lectures. I never tried to approach him and get to know hi in personal level and honestly I don't know why! Maybe because I was afraid of falling in love with someone whom I consider my freind's partner.:wink:
    Anyway even if it would be just an usual meeting my freind might get upset and get the wrong idea since he could have invited her as well.

    Nope, but it is awkward to make a big deal of things !:biggrin:

    Nice respond , btw! The thing I'm wondering right now is wether I should let her know beforehand or not.:confused:
     
  7. Mar 16, 2010 #6

    Lisa!

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    Re: Stealer?

    I totally understand my freind's feelings towards him.They have alot in common with each other. He means alot to her and is someone that I guess nobody fail to love. She's a good friend and I'm proud of having such a friend.
     
  8. Mar 16, 2010 #7

    Lisa!

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    Re: Stealer?

    I thought I've married an open minded guy:bugeye: Hadn't you accepted that our marriage is an open marriage and I can freely cheat on you whenever I want?
    BTW, remember you're not allowed to chaet on me in any situation:devil:
     
  9. Mar 16, 2010 #8
    Re: Stealer?

    Excuse me, are you addressing me, oh person I'm not married to?
     
  10. Mar 16, 2010 #9

    Lisa!

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    Re: Stealer?

    Are you appologizing and saying that you're openminded enough to let me go on dates with other people?:!!)
     
  11. Mar 16, 2010 #10
    Re: Stealer?

    I have no say in the matter. We're divorced now. Go! Go, to your man of books and lectures! And do not return! You will never feel my hairy grasp again!
     
  12. Mar 16, 2010 #11

    Lisa!

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    Re: Stealer?

    Is it your last words?:eek: I can't believe you!:devil:
    Anyway I have no wish to be the wife of such a narrow-minded man:grumpy:
     
  13. Mar 16, 2010 #12

    Dembadon

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    Re: Stealer?

    I, personally, would suggest being open with your friend about what is happening; however, you know your relationship with your friend better than we do. Some of the people I consider my closest friends are the ones who are brutally honest with me. Hopefully she would/will appreciate your transparency.

    I think that it would be best for her to find out from you rather than "through the grapevine," which could be seen by her as deception. She is probably going to be upset, and as a friend, you are in the best position to discuss each other's feelings about the situation.
     
  14. Mar 16, 2010 #13

    Evo

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    Re: Stealer?

    This is a tough one Lisa!. My girlfriends and I always had a pact that we didn't date a guy that our friend liked. Luckily our tastes where so different, it was never an issue.

    If she likes the guy, I'm not going to give advice, that's a tough one.
     
  15. Mar 16, 2010 #14

    drizzle

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    Re: Stealer?

    That was funny Zshoe and Lisa! :biggrin:

    As for this matter, [IMO] IF I were you I would feel like :yuck: about myself, whether she was my friend or someone I know . I'll just pull myself out of that relationship. Of course, luckly I don't have hard feelings for him, but it would be tough if I do... I guess I get carried away :biggrin:
     
  16. Mar 16, 2010 #15
    Re: Stealer?

    Is she sleeping with this guy, or only secretly dreams of being with him and the guy keeps her as a friend ? Close friend doesnt mean "lover'

    If they are just friends, go for it.
     
  17. Mar 16, 2010 #16

    Evo

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    Re: Stealer?

    You're forgetting that if she "goes" for it, she could lose her friend. In the end she could lose her friend and the guy too.

    There is an issue of trust here between Lisa and her friend.
     
  18. Mar 16, 2010 #17
    Re: Stealer?

    put yourself in your girlfriend's place, because it sounds like you'll be in her shoes within a short time.

    So, this guy has a 'groupie' following, like a rock star, and you think you'll be the one who can make him settle down with just one woman, or do you just want a fling (=you don't care about your girlfriend's feelings)?
     
  19. Mar 16, 2010 #18
    Re: Stealer?

    True. Well, my philosophy on this was better 1 unhappy person than 3 unhappy persons. I have no idea whatsoever how girls handle this kind of stuff, and what expectations they have from one another regarding what constituents an off limits man. For me and my friends that was "actively pursuing" & "relationship / marriage". I "dream of her" doesn't count. If she refused the active pursuer, she's fair game for all.
     
  20. Mar 16, 2010 #19
    Re: Stealer?

    Have a battle royale between you and your friend. Whoever is the victor will claim the man as her prize!

    Gladiator-Tiger_Fight.jpg
    (simulated fight image)
     
  21. Mar 16, 2010 #20
    Re: Stealer?

    I think that most of us men just have different rules. From what I have seen and my own experience with my friends a female is only off limits if she is being actively pursued and even then only for so long as the friend is getting somewhere. Otherwise only exs are offlimits.

    "Bros before hos" and the female equivalent "Chicks before dicks".
     
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