Here's a story: A guy went through all the usual drama in elementary school and high school, and then went to college. He dropped out after a month because he had not a clue what he wanted to do, and since then he has pretty much been sitting in his room doing his own thing. He's starting college again in September, which he is looking forward to, but he is also very confused. He doesn't know whether he's just bad at the whole social and sexual relations thing, or whether he deep down doesn't actually want them. To make a big story short: sometimes he's the Sheldon, and sometimes he's the Leonard (without the hot girl, mind you). Sometimes he doesn't care (or at least doesn't *seem* to care, even to himself) about social relations and only has his own ambitions, and at other times he cares, is very uncomfortable, shy and inconfident. (It should be noted that no one actually sees this. To everyone he knows, he simply seems like a socially capable and smart - although perhaps rather unpredictable - person.) That guy is, obviously, me. In essence, my questions are these: 1. What (and how) should I do, think or feel? Because I have no idea; heck, I don't even have an idea how to find out the answer to this question. 2. ...Well, that was pretty much the only question I had. It's a big one. To answer some of the questions I think I might possible get: - I did try to get a job after I dropped out of college. Where I live, the only jobs available to high school graduates are extremely boring - I had a few of them, but I got depressed as hell when having them, because quite frankly I could still think of all the things that bothered me while I did them, so that didn't work very well for my social life. - I have a few friends. Sometimes, I visit them or they visit me, I think I see them about once every two months or so. The truth is that I don't know whether I care all that much, but it's also possible that it's more of an "I just can't be bothered" kind of depressive state. - I've dealt with bouts of depression all my life, and have been bullied through all of elementary school. - All this interferes with my productivity. If it didn't, perhaps I didn't have so much of a problem with it and simply powered through it, but during my "Bleh I feel bad about what I'm doing with my life"-phases I can't be bothered to do much of anything productive.