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Actually smitten with one problem.

  1. Oct 20, 2012 #1
    Actually "smitten" with one problem.

    Hi guys, this forum has offered me a lot of good advice in the past but this is the first time I have posted in here...(I think).


    So, there is this guy in my class and he is a really nice guy. I get on quite well with him but I think I'm actually smitten. Haven't felt like this in about 10 years so it's a bit familiar and strange at the same time.

    But here's the issue, I can't tell if he's gay or not. Nothing has indicated his sexuality in either direction and I don't want to just ask in the event that things become weird. So how on earth should I proceed here. I'm lost.

    Thanks
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Oct 20, 2012 #2
    Re: Actually "smitten" with one problem.

    The odds of him being gay are maybe 50:1. A long shot so you are fine if you're a heterosexual girl and you're very much behind the 8-ball if you're a gay male.
     
  4. Oct 20, 2012 #3

    arildno

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    Re: Actually "smitten" with one problem.

    If you are gay yourself, remember that even without any ostracization/discrimination, you are basically "invisible" for potential mates for simple numerical reasons, unless you make yourself more visible. Rarities are overlooked.
    So if you for some reason are mostly in the closet still, consider open that door to your friends, at least, if not every acquaintance.
     
  5. Oct 20, 2012 #4
    Re: Actually "smitten" with one problem.

    Thanks arildno, yeah have considered being more "Camp" but that's just not my style. Thinking about trying to bring up LGBT issues that are in the news. Also considering getting him drunk and see if he's any bit more open under the influence
     
  6. Oct 20, 2012 #5

    arildno

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    Re: Actually "smitten" with one problem.

    You shouldn't change your personality. That doesn't work, anyway. But, do you have some common friends with Him you still are in the closet with respect to?
    If you have been fully open to them, and seem comfortable with yourself being gay, rest assured He knows all about you being gay.

    and, no: Drop that "drunkenness" scheme. That's just low.
     
  7. Oct 20, 2012 #6
    Re: Actually "smitten" with one problem.

    Nope. Not yet. Only met him 6 weeks ago. We've hung out a lot but it just hasn't come up in conversation. I don't really know his friends so alas....
     
  8. Oct 20, 2012 #7

    arildno

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    Re: Actually "smitten" with one problem.

    Well, it is up to you drag this out forever, or reach some sort of resolution. find some moment to tell him you are gay. It is allowed to use the safety valve deception "not because I'm attracted to you, but just because I like my friends to know" when telling him.
     
  9. Oct 20, 2012 #8
    Re: Actually "smitten" with one problem.

    Oh good one. Never thought about the safety valve before. That's actually great. Thanks!!
     
  10. Oct 20, 2012 #9

    arildno

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    Re: Actually "smitten" with one problem.

    Here's another one, which isn't as pushy.
    You are both physics nerds, right?
    Then, Isaac Newton is a safe and ALWAYS relevant topic.
    Like this:
    "I just love physics! it's not just about phenomena and the cool maths we learn about, but the great people involved in it, too! Like Newton, right? Such a genius, but such a tragic life! You know he probably was gay? He was usually such a reserved and lonely man, but occasionally, he got a male assistant he got overenthused about, raving on and on about what great promise he was, until they practically fled from him. At one time, Newton went near psychotic from despair when the assistant left. It must have been so hard to be gay back then! I'm so glad I live in the 21st century!"
    Unless He is a total dimwit, he gets your message.
    If he bursts out with something "Are you gay or something??", you can play totally surprised and say "You didn't know?? I've always been told it is so easy to read me on that. hope you don't mind too much".

    (The Newton story is, well, almost true.)
     
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