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Adverts in newspapers.

  1. Mar 16, 2004 #1

    jimmy p

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    i thought that some of these were most amusing

    The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:


    FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
    8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
    ----------------------------------
    FREE PUPPIES:
    1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
    1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
    ------------------------------
    FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART
    STUPID DOG
    ------------------------------
    GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
    NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
    -------------------------------------
    FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
    LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
    BEEN OUT AWHILE..
    BETTER BE REWARD.
    -----------------------------------
    AMANA WASHER $100.
    OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
    ------------------------------
    SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
    ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
    -------------------------------
    TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS
    OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
    EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
    ------------------------------
    COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
    ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
    --------------------------------
    83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
    ---------------------------------
    STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
    ---------------------------------
    SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE
    89 cents
    -----------------------------------
    FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS
    WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
    ----------------------------------
    FOR SALE:
    LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
    -----------------------------------
    NORDIC TRACK $300
    HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIE
    -------------------------------------
    BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
    "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
    --------------------------------------
    SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
    --------------------------------------
    HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
    "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
    ----------------------------------------
    HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
    -----------------------------------------
    GEORGIA PEACHES
    CALIFORNIA GROWN -
    89 cents lb.
    ------------------------------------------
    FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
    ------------------------------------------
    AMERICAN FLAG
    60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
    -------------------------------------------
    TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
    WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
    STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
    ---------------------------------------------
    EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
    QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
    ---------------------------------------------
    OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
    AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
    -----------------------------------------------
    LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
    ---------------------------------------------
    ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
    FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
    --------------------------------------------
    GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
    ----------------------------------
    KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
    -----------------------------------------------
    FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
    ---------------------------------------
    OPEN HOUSE
    BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
    FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
    --------------------------------------
    JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
    MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
    ----------------------------------------------
    NICE PARACHUTE:
    NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
    SLIGHTLY STAINED
    ------------------------------------------
    GET A LITTLE JOHN:
    THE TRAVELING URINAL
    HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
    -------------------------------------------
    FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
    20 YR. WARRANTY.
    LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
    -----------------------------------
    1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
    ----------------------------
    2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
    1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
    ------------------------------
    FOR SALE BY OWNER
    Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
    Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer.
    No longer needed.
    Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 16, 2004 #2
    ROFLM*O

    I'm printing that out to take to class.

    What a way to start the day!!! THANKS!
     
  4. Mar 16, 2004 #3

    Tsu

    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    This was an ad in one of my hospital newspapes:

    "FOR SALE: Piranha fish, $5.00 each. Also, FREE to good home: Three-legged cat named Besty."
     
  5. Mar 18, 2004 #4

    jimmy p

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    Gold Member


    LOL!!!!
     
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