Am I justly upset with my parents?

[QuarkCharmer]

Am I justly upset with my parents??

So, I quit my well paying job 2 years ago to do this school thing. An effect of that is that I had to make some sacrifices. I sold my house and moved to a cheap place near the campus. I got a job tutoring for peanuts at a local community college. Recently I decided to sell my car that I purchased new about 2 years ago. Anyway, long story short, I put it up for sale and got a ton of offers, then my parents said that they wanted it. So I sold it to them for a few thousand under what other offers were. Now I am essentially car-less, as my other car is a 1990 POS that suffered from much decay while being not driven. I'm going to basically junk it for parts whenever I get the time.

So, my parents have a car that's of the year 2000 or so, but they NEVER drive it, so it has something like 3000 miles on it. Right after buying my car where I took a loss, they gave this one to my complete deadbeat sister who is going to sell her perfectly fine car, that they also purchased for her. I hear from my sister every holiday, and I'm sure my parents never hear from her unless she needs money. They've practically paid all of her bills for the past year since she can't keep a job.

I told them that I would pay them blue-book for their low-mileage car if they wanted to sell it after buying mine. I do everything for them mind you. I can't believe they would just give the car to my sister!

I'm annoyed that my sister essentially uses them for beer money and rent. They aren't exactly young, my parents are in their late 60's and it's frustrating to watch her take advantage of them. It was disgraceful to me until now, but now it sort of effected me. Not like I expected them to give me the car, I fully planned on buying some barely running piece of crap to get me by. But still... Am I wrong for feeling this way? If so, tell me so I can realize what an idiot I am and forget the whole thing.

 

[Pengwuino]

I think you should be upset with them. I've seen this situation countless times. Unfortunately, you can't really do anything about it. There are certain people that simply can't not be taken advantage of. Best to just put it out of your head.

 

[Evo]

You are justly upset. I don't know what else to say.

 

[drizzle]

Have you tried talking to your sister?

 

[mcknia07]

I would be upset too. Have a family meeting with your parents and open their eyes to all of it. Maybe talk to your sister and have her not abuse them so much. Just a few thoughts...

 

[Dale]

Don't waste energy on it. It isn't fair. So what, life isn't fair.

Getting upset is completely pointless, it won't make your sister better nor change your parent's treatment of either of you. All it will do is make you miserable.

And, unless they specifically ask for your advice, talking to your sister or parents is equally pointless, they all know it already and probably have for years. Your parents know that they let your sister take advantage of them. And she knows she is taking advantage (and so do you).

Be glad for the relationship that you have with each of them and don't begrudge them the relationship they have with each other. Unfair as it is, all you can do is make your own choices and live your own life the best way you know.

 

[rootX]

I fully agree with Dale. You will just make your life more miserable controlling the actions of other people.

 

[Averagesupernova]

I will never understand people who get upset about what someone does with something that they sold to them. If you want to retain control then you should not have sold it. Would you have been just as upset if your parents had bought a similar car for similar money in similar condition and gave it to your sister? My guess is you had hopes of buying your car back some day having been well taken care of with little mileage increase for less money.

 

[MarcoD]

Yeah well, maybe she's just smarter than you are?

 

[QuarkCharmer]

I will never understand people who get upset about what someone does with something that they sold to them. If you want to retain control then you should not have sold it. Would you have been just as upset if your parents had bought a similar car for similar money in similar condition and gave it to your sister? My guess is you had hopes of buying your car back some day having been well taken care of with little mileage increase for less money.

Perhaps you need a course in reading comprehension.I sold them my new car on their request, and asked that they sell me their old car should they decide to get rid of it. My sister heard they got a new car and mooched the old car off of them. The reason I was frustrated by the situation is because I specifically asked them about their old car, and then one day later they give it away when I would have paid them for it and actually need the thing.

Every time my parents pay her rent, buy her some crap, give her a credit card to use "for gas", which she then tells them she used to get beer and food for superbowl... I have to hear about it. They know very well what's going on. My sister is a grown adult. We are not talking college age here, I'm about 30 and she's years older than me. I'm almost ashamed to be related to her, and I simply wanted to know if I should do something about it, but Dale has a point. Whatever I say would change nothing most likely.

 

[Averagesupernova]

Right after buying my car where I took a loss, they gave this one to my complete deadbeat sister who is going to sell her perfectly fine car, that they also purchased for her.

My bold
I read it again, after your previous post. 'This one' I apparently was supposed to telepathically know what you were talking about. Lighten up.

 

[micromass]

You are justly upset. I would be upset as well.

But such things happen. It's better to let it go, I think.

 

[MarcoD]

Well, I don't know who's right. But if you have a grievance, you have the right to state that. It's only useless to get too upset about it.

 

[QuarkCharmer]

My bold
I read it again, after your previous post. 'This one' I apparently was supposed to telepathically know what you were talking about. Lighten up.

Yeah, I can see how that would be confusing. Sorry.

 

[jim hardy]

I've seen other cases of parents enabling a feckless child while the responsible one gets little .

Conventional wisdom says we can't change other people.

But we can change how we interact with them.

Melody Beatty was a popular author a few years back , her book "Codependent No More" is about twisted manipulative relationships. I don't know if it applies to your family , but you seem pretty observant. Maybe you want to give it a looking-over.

"Forgive them, they know not what they do."

old jim

 

[Pengwuino]

But we can change how we interact with them.

In this vein, I would say that you simply tell your parents that you don't want to hear about her and her mooching. I've been through the exact same thing and I just flat out tell them "I don't want to hear it/I don't give a ****". If it really is bad enough and your sister clearly only keeps in contact with family just to take money from them, I'd cut off contact with her. I have a deadbeat nephew that I couldn't care less if I never heard or saw him again. He only uses our family for a place to stay when he invariably gets kicked out of his apartment/friends house because he drinks all day and does nothing.

Honestly, I wonder what a good psychologist would say about such behavior. I think it's clear that this is not isolated incidents and I bet your parents aren't this way to just your sister. With children, I can see why, although there are limits to my understanding, but these kinds of people allow non-family members to walk all over them too.

 

[256bits]

A somewhat different perspective.
Well you can be upset with your parents if you want to for not fulfilling your expectation, but that was your expectation not theirs, and you seem to short shift them here as if they are mindless and spineless which if you explained that is the way you feel about them, they might not appreciate the sentiment.

As for your sister, if your parents provide assistance to her when she gives a story line, it could be because they probably feel that she can't help herself and being a responsible parent that is what they do. You cannot really judge them too harshly on that - what would you have them do, show tough love and be wrong one time when she asks for assistance and refuse so she ends up on the street and maybe dead. Do you think they could live with that?

As for you, you seem responsible enough, but the piece you wrote does describe a martyr making sacrifices. Are you so much different than your giving parents? - afterall you did sell a car to them at a value less than other offers.

You are probably looked upon as the one who did good with his life, so run with that. Be upset at how things turned out in this instance but don't dwell.
And also, Not an idiot.