Helpful Feedback on an Angel or Burger Dilemma

[Darken-Sol]

i take lunch at a little cafe most days. at this cafe works a gorgeous woman about my age. smart, funny, and caring. when we talk its hard to break eye contact. her voice is pleasing like muic. she has strong family ties. everything about her is attractive to me. what's more, she seems just as interested in me. we flirt regularly. i just cannot ever work up the courage to ask her out. what if she says no? then i'll have to find another place to eat. i know it sounds stupid but good food is important to me. am i just making excuses? somebody give me some helpful feedback please.

 

[Lichdar]

I guess that depends on the relative value of a relationship to a cutie versus the value of a good burger for you. It does sound like you're making excuses.

 

[Darken-Sol]

i've never had problems with asking women out. there is something special about this one. every time i meet a "special one" things are shaken up for years. the goods are great and the bads are worse. I've met only two other women which gave me "tinglyspine" and "butterfly nausea". both times i loved and lost. that was rough.

 

[Lichdar]

I can't say that I've ever really had those emotions as much persay; I wonder if its some sort of commentary on myself. I can appreciate individuals are beautiful, lovely, and having a positive effect on my emotional sense of well being, but I don't think that I fall like that exactly.

When I fall, its usually in the context of being involved in some form already and then getting very possessive. When I was younger, for example, I would become interested in friends who had expressed some interest in me and then decide they were the One For Me. That usually didn't work out.

 

[Darken-Sol]

i believe these symptoms are the reasons i am cautious. i mostly pursue women for fun. i wasn't kidding about the ffood thing either. when i eat the universe ceases to exist, sometimes i bite my fingers and don't know it till my food is gone. yet i can't focus on my meal in her presence. that is extremely odd.

 

[Lichdar]

I pursue for fun, but I do settle for good reasons that go beyond 'fun'. Physical attractiveness and having an enticing personality is definitely up there in the categories, though.

I don't have that kind of a relationship with food either, so for me the answer would be reason. There's always another burger store; there won't be the same girl elsewhere, anywhere in the world.

 

[BobG]

There's over 3.3 billion women in the world.

While I don't have an exact number, I'm pretty sure there's less than 3.3 billion cafes that serve a good burger.

The choice should be obvious.

Except ... a woman that knows how to make a good burger? I wonder how many of those there are?

Does she actually make the burgers or does she just serve them?

 

[Darken-Sol]

her parents own the place. i mistrust my judgement on beautiful women who bring me food. my ex wife was a great cook. her skill in the kitchen ended many an arguement. who can argue with a mouthful of food?

 

[nucleargirl]

is this the only or best place you could eat at? cos then if things turn sour you might have to bring packed lunches...
but if there is another place just in case, then you've got nothing to fear!
So, I guess its good to use the food as a starting point - you love the food, she feels proud of the food, great! you might even get extra large portions!
anyway, yeah talk to her about her family, restaurant, burgers, build some kind of friendship. and then maybe do something cute like wait for her to finish her shift and bring her a cupcake just because she might like it... maybe... kinda only works if she likes you or might freak her out. or bring her a flower on her birthday! like just one.
yeah... its pretty boring sometimes in shops when its quiet during the day, maybe she will appreciate someone to chat with, just don't chat when she's busy/trying to finish early.

 

[DaveC426913]

her skill in the kitchen ended many an arguement. who can argue with a mouthful of food?

True dat.

 

[DaveC426913]

i just cannot ever work up the courage to ask her out. what if she says no? then i'll have to find another place to eat. i know it sounds stupid but good food is important to me.

Then remove the dilemma.

Make the choice to no longer eat there. That way, when you ask her out, there's no risk.

Do you have anything in common other than flirting? What you want is to establish an excuse as to why you and she might talk over a coffee.

 

[Darken-Sol]

i checked on different places to eat in town. there is a subway and a gas station. i feel a little foolish about making such a big issue out of this. I'm going to ask her out on monday. even if it doesn't pan out i should still be able to show my face for the food. thanks for all the great advice, i appreciate it.

 

[Pyrrhus]

If you ask her out, and she says no, then downplay it. It's not a BIG DEAL. You don't need to eat elsewhere. I ask girls out and when I get shot down, it does not mean I won't ever see them again!. I'll still say hi to them and even talk. Frankly, moving on, it's part of growing up. You don't avoid places or people because you got rejected.

 

[SamirS]

If you ask her out, and she says no, then downplay it. It's not a BIG DEAL. You don't need to eat elsewhere. I ask girls out and when I get shot down, it does not mean I won't ever see them again!. I'll still say hi to them and even talk. Frankly, moving on, it's part of growing up. You don't avoid places or people because you got rejected.

Exactly. Be a man and act all normal like before. Maybe that will even change her mind about going out with you.

 

[Darken-Sol]

she wasn't there today. i was relieved and crushed. and hungry, good thing the food was there. mmmm cajun.

 

[pergradus]

I am interested in the progression of this thread. Don't be like that one guy though who waited months and blew it.

 

[Darken-Sol]

I am interested in the progression of this thread. Don't be like that one guy though who waited months and blew it.

i'm no longer procrastinating, but today she had her hands full. just smiles and casual chit chat on the go. it didn't seem like a good time. i will keep you posted.

 

[Tregg Smith]

A good chance she does this with many guys because she's good looking. If you ask her out try to do it in a casual non tense manner so the message is "if you say no it's not a big deal". Then you can go back the next day no problems. It's understood that there is attraction between you so no offenses taken. It's just human nature. The way it sounds I would say in the middle of one of your conversations "Maybe we should go out sometime-what do you think?" That leaves room for her to say she would like to but it just wouldn't work out. Then you can continue being friends...and give time for second thoughts another day.

 

[Darken-Sol]

i finally got a chance to ask her out for coffee, she told me she had a boyfriend so she couldn't. i said it was horrible that her boyfriend won't let her drink coffee. she agrees it is silly and said she would go. it was a kick in the sac, but it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be.

 

[DaveC426913]

i finally got a chance to ask her out for coffee, she told me she had a boyfriend so she couldn't. i said it was horrible that her boyfriend won't let her drink coffee. she agrees it is silly and said she would go. it was a kick in the sac, but it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be.

That's great!

BTW, the boyfriend could be a sham. Don't give up yet.

 

[Jack21222]

i finally got a chance to ask her out for coffee, she told me she had a boyfriend so she couldn't. i said it was horrible that her boyfriend won't let her drink coffee. she agrees it is silly and said she would go. it was a kick in the sac, but it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be.

So, did you find a new place to get your burgers yet? You should have just kept quiet.

 

[Darken-Sol]

So, did you find a new place to get your burgers yet? You should have just kept quiet.

don't have to. i went there tonight and everything is cool. plus i found out they have curly fries. it is actually easier than before because i can eat and flirt with no worries. a great burden has been lifted.

 

[DaveC426913]

So, are you going for a coffee after all?

 

[Darken-Sol]

So, are you going for a coffee after all?

yep. i don't know where it will lead but i would always regret not finding out. she really is something special.

 

[Tregg Smith]

As long as our motives towards the other person are good there should be nothing to worry about in whatever we do. Once I got up my courage and asked the girl mail carrier to go out. She just smiled and said she was married and added "that's ok you don't know unless you ask."

 

[Darken-Sol]

that's one reason i was hesitant to ask her out. you never know what will happen. i asked her out she has a boy friend but still is willing to go out. if we just end up friends i feel my life will be better with her in it. i have other interests she just made my head spin more so than the others.

 

[M-quest]

I say go for it