Andy Rooney: Musings on Life and Love

  • Thread starter Ivan Seeking
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In summary: He claims that we're just animals and that we have no hope for the future. He says that we're headed for extinction and that we're doomed. I don't know about you, but I don't think he's right. We've made some mistakes, sure, but I think we can fix them. In summary, Andy Rooney discusses the different aspects of life and how they differ for men and women. He also discusses the different topics of the day, including answering machines and fetching sticks.
  • #1
Ivan Seeking
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1. Andy Rooney on Monica.
Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week.
It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.

2. Andy Rooney on Vegetarians.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."

3. Andy Rooney on Prisoners.
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

4. Andy Rooney on Fabric Softeners.
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.

5. Andy Rooney on morning differences.
Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

6.Andy Rooney on cripes
My wife's from the midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes' 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I want to burn in 'Heck'?

7. Rooney on Grandma
My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

8. Rooney on answering machines.
Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: "Share the love." BEEP.
"Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling...Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love..."
 
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  • #2
Those are great! :biggrin:
 
  • #3
i thought the topic said Andy Rooney on Ivan Seeking.

Andy Rooney on Ivan Seeking- Ya know, this guy Ivan. Spends much of his time surfing the internet to find new and interesting truths about this crazy world we live in. All this time he's showing us what is fact vs. fiction yet spends 10 years believing Tsunami is selectively colorblind.
 
  • #4
I never considered that a debunking was needed! :biggrin:
 
  • #5
Andy Rooney on Tribdog...

He is a funny pup and most entertaining, but I really wish he would quit licking himself...you know...there!
 
  • #6
Andy Rooney on Ivan Seeking: Ya know, this guy Ivan. You remember him, truth seeking Ivan. Ya give a guy a little power, a serious sounding PF title and it goes straight to his head. When one truth is obvious, nobody messes with the holder of the pink ribbon. If you don't know which one is the pink ribbon maybe Tsu could help.
 
  • #7
You look good in pink. It suits you.

Now [throws stick], fetch!
 
  • #8
Andy Rooney on fetching sticks-ya know, when I throw something away I like it to stay away.
 
  • #9
Well, that's the first time I have had a dog refuse to fetch for philosophical reasons! :biggrin:
 
  • #10
You didn't say "Andy Rooney On..."
now you have to drink, remove one article of clothing and get the two finger slap on the wrist.
 
  • #11
tribdog said:
You didn't say "Andy Rooney On..."
now you have to drink, remove one article of clothing and get the two finger slap on the wrist.

Hey, wait a minute! You really don't think before you act, do you? You can't go around willy nilly making people here take their clothes off! That could get scary really quickly! :yuck:
 
  • #12
I apologize. Should I take something off?
 
  • #13
tribdog said:
I apologize. Should I take something off?

:rofl: Um, I mean, maybe you should post a clearer picture before we decide if we want to see you with your clothes off. :biggrin:
 
  • #14
Moonbear said:
:rofl: Um, I mean, maybe you should post a clearer picture before we decide if we want to see you with your clothes off. :biggrin:

Or you could just keep them on :yuck:
 
  • #15
Andy Rooney on franznietzsche:
Ya know, there's this guy franznietzsche, really into philosophy. He loves it so much he named himself after two of them. This wasn't his first attempt at a name though. Originally he was Kafkanietzsche but that sounded too much like something an old yiddish grandma would bake and serve with powdered sugar.
"Would you like another kafkanietzsche, my little mushugina?"
 
  • #16
tribdog said:
Andy Rooney on franznietzsche:
Ya know, there's this guy franznietzsche, really into philosophy. He loves it so much he named himself after two of them. This wasn't his first attempt at a name though. Originally he was Kafkanietzsche but that sounded too much like something an old yiddish grandma would bake and serve with powdered sugar.
"Would you like another kafkanietzsche, my little mushugina?"


Ironically enough, since you bring up yiddish grandmothers, Kafka was Jewish.
 

1. What is "Andy Rooney: Musings on Life and Love" about?

"Andy Rooney: Musings on Life and Love" is a collection of essays written by the late journalist and television personality, Andy Rooney. The essays cover a wide range of topics, including love, relationships, life lessons, and observations on society.

2. Who is Andy Rooney?

Andy Rooney was an American journalist, writer, and television personality. He is best known for his essay segments on the CBS news program "60 Minutes", which he contributed to for over 30 years. He was also a well-respected newspaper columnist and author.

3. Is "Andy Rooney: Musings on Life and Love" a memoir?

No, "Andy Rooney: Musings on Life and Love" is not a memoir. While the essays are based on Rooney's personal experiences and observations, they are not presented in a chronological or narrative form typically found in memoirs. Instead, they are stand-alone pieces that can be read in any order.

4. What makes "Andy Rooney: Musings on Life and Love" a unique read?

"Andy Rooney: Musings on Life and Love" offers readers a unique perspective on various aspects of life and love. Rooney's writing is witty, insightful, and often thought-provoking. He has a way of finding humor in everyday situations and presenting his thoughts in a relatable and engaging manner.

5. Can "Andy Rooney: Musings on Life and Love" be enjoyed by readers of all ages?

Yes, "Andy Rooney: Musings on Life and Love" can be enjoyed by readers of all ages. While some of the essays may touch on more mature themes, Rooney's writing style and universal topics make the book accessible to a wide range of audiences.

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