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Andy Rooney on

  1. Dec 17, 2004 #1

    Ivan Seeking

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    1. Andy Rooney on Monica.
    Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week.
    It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.

    2. Andy Rooney on Vegetarians.
    Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."

    3. Andy Rooney on Prisoners.
    Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

    4. Andy Rooney on Fabric Softeners.
    My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.

    5. Andy Rooney on morning differences.
    Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

    6.Andy Rooney on cripes
    My wife's from the midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes' 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

    7. Rooney on Grandma
    My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

    8. Rooney on answering machines.
    Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: "Share the love." BEEP.
    "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love..."
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Dec 17, 2004 #2

    Evo

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    Those are great!! :biggrin:
     
  4. Dec 17, 2004 #3
    i thought the topic said Andy Rooney on Ivan Seeking.

    Andy Rooney on Ivan Seeking- Ya know, this guy Ivan. Spends much of his time surfing the internet to find new and interesting truths about this crazy world we live in. All this time he's showing us what is fact vs. fiction yet spends 10 years believing Tsunami is selectively colorblind.
     
  5. Dec 17, 2004 #4

    Ivan Seeking

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    I never considered that a debunking was needed!!! :biggrin:
     
  6. Dec 17, 2004 #5

    Ivan Seeking

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    Andy Rooney on Tribdog...

    He is a funny pup and most entertaining, but I really wish he would quit licking himself...you know...there!
     
  7. Dec 17, 2004 #6
    Andy Rooney on Ivan Seeking: Ya know, this guy Ivan. You remember him, truth seeking Ivan. Ya give a guy a little power, a serious sounding PF title and it goes straight to his head. When one truth is obvious, nobody messes with the holder of the pink ribbon. If you don't know which one is the pink ribbon maybe Tsu could help.
     
  8. Dec 17, 2004 #7

    Ivan Seeking

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    You look good in pink. It suits you.

    Now [throws stick], fetch!
     
  9. Dec 17, 2004 #8
    Andy Rooney on fetching sticks-ya know, when I throw something away I like it to stay away.
     
  10. Dec 17, 2004 #9

    Ivan Seeking

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    Well, that's the first time I have had a dog refuse to fetch for philosophical reasons!!! :biggrin:
     
  11. Dec 17, 2004 #10
    You didn't say "Andy Rooney On..."
    now you have to drink, remove one article of clothing and get the two finger slap on the wrist.
     
  12. Dec 17, 2004 #11

    Moonbear

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    Hey, wait a minute! You really don't think before you act, do you? You can't go around willy nilly making people here take their clothes off! That could get scary really quickly! :yuck:
     
  13. Dec 17, 2004 #12
    I apologize. Should I take something off?
     
  14. Dec 17, 2004 #13

    Moonbear

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    :rofl: Um, I mean, maybe you should post a clearer picture before we decide if we want to see you with your clothes off. :biggrin:
     
  15. Dec 17, 2004 #14
    Or you could just keep them on :yuck:
     
  16. Dec 17, 2004 #15
    Andy Rooney on franznietzsche:
    Ya know, there's this guy franznietzsche, really into philosophy. He loves it so much he named himself after two of them. This wasn't his first attempt at a name though. Originally he was Kafkanietzsche but that sounded too much like something an old yiddish grandma would bake and serve with powdered sugar.
    "Would you like another kafkanietzsche, my little mushugina?"
     
  17. Dec 18, 2004 #16

    Ironically enough, since you bring up yiddish grandmothers, Kafka was Jewish.
     
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