Approaching her

Moonbear

Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
Gold Member
11,349
51
At that age, women are a distraction. Focus on yourself. Improve yourself, get into the university and learn something about the world around you. You don't have to chase the local fish, or even chase them. Be the big fish, and have them chase you.
And then what happens when he gets to university and STILL has never approached a girl? Seriously, those crushes in high school serve a purpose, and it's good to act on them, learn to be social, learn how dating works (or more often, how it doesn't work). Like everything else good in life, it takes practice and experience before one is good at it.

Of COURSE at that age the opposite sex is a distraction (same thing applies to the girls who are distracted by all the cute boys). The thing is, you're only going to get over that distraction by acting on it. Either dating or getting dumped...either way, it brings the issue to resolution so you're not sitting around pining away. And, when you get crushed in high school, you bounce back, because it was never all that serious in the first place. It helps prepare you to still be able to recover when you're an adult and the stakes get a bit higher in relationships and resulting break-ups.

And, I happen to agree with Georgina that your assumption that the girl is going to head off to university and become promiscuous based on knowing absolutely nothing about her IS misogynistic.
 

cronxeh

Gold Member
949
10
And then what happens when he gets to university and STILL has never approached a girl? Seriously, those crushes in high school serve a purpose, and it's good to act on them, learn to be social, learn how dating works (or more often, how it doesn't work). Like everything else good in life, it takes practice and experience before one is good at it.

Of COURSE at that age the opposite sex is a distraction (same thing applies to the girls who are distracted by all the cute boys). The thing is, you're only going to get over that distraction by acting on it. Either dating or getting dumped...either way, it brings the issue to resolution so you're not sitting around pining away. And, when you get crushed in high school, you bounce back, because it was never all that serious in the first place. It helps prepare you to still be able to recover when you're an adult and the stakes get a bit higher in relationships and resulting break-ups.
Ok lets break it down. How many dates is sufficient for him to learn this valuable lesson? How many girls does he have to kiss? have sex with? serenade under the moonlight? dance with? chase after? How much effort, give or take, does a teenage boy have to put in order to learn how to be a teenage boy?

Suppose instead he goes to college, in his first year he becomes friends with many girls who he does not immediately perceive as sex objects. Suppose out of a hundred female friends at least one of them is special. So special that he cant see himself being with anyone else.

If given this second scenario, how is the first scenario not a waste of time? How is chasing this high school infatuation, given how serious the downside is, not an irrational decision?

Why dont you guys re-read his original post - he is not a retard. He can approach and talk to women just fine. He is simply not sure how to approach his infuation who he is afraid will perceive him as a nerd and won't have anything in common with. This is not even about the original poster anymore as he clearly decided to dive in according to post #18
 

DaveC426913

Gold Member
18,294
1,904
And GeorginaS: I dont care for your opinion.
Well then you're not going to care for mine either, cuz it's the same.

You've have illuminated nothing about this unknown girl, but you have said a lot about yourself. You got burned bad.

But your experience doesn't really help the OP. There is a big difference between a personal anecdote and the wisdom to know that an anecdote is specious.
 
668
2
If given this second scenario, how is the first scenario not a waste of time? How is chasing this high school infatuation, given how serious the downside is, not an irrational decision?
'cause the relationship could not crash and burn from the get go (and it seems like it hasn't), so it's a great experience and he gets to see how it works out from there and gets a good relationship in the process. Why deny himself all that 'cause it may not lead to a happily ever after? (Assuming he doesn't have a moral/religious/social reason not to date her, which is a whole separate ball game.)

So special that he cant see himself being with anyone else.
And maybe he came to that conclusion 'cause he's dated enough girls to not wonder "what am I missing". Everybody's different that way.
 
It's very good luck she happened to turn out to be the kind of girl you're used to, so it's good you approached her.
lol, zoobyshoe I could only dream that she is the kind of girl I'm used to :P although we share certain interests (nothing like physics or mathematics), I find a very "new" attraction because she is a break from the norm...this isn't a hindrance though, we find common ground through other means, and they suit me perfectly as well as her (so it seems)! :)
 
6,171
1,275
lol, zoobyshoe I could only dream that she is the kind of girl I'm used to :P although we share certain interests (nothing like physics or mathematics), I find a very "new" attraction because she is a break from the norm...this isn't a hindrance though, we find common ground through other means, and they suit me perfectly as well as her (so it seems)! :)
You mean she's hotter than you're used to?
 
At that age, women are a distraction. Focus on yourself. Improve yourself, get into the university and learn something about the world around you.
I'm quite positive that this won't affect my goals, I am an aspiring theoretical physicist currently rigorously teaching myself integral calculus (4-5 years ahead of schedule), and i have my priorities more alligned than most my age. This will NOT be a factor, rest assured. Also, isn't it ridiculously ignorant to assume that women won't be a distraction for someone my age, and that I will actually be able to consciously object to being distracted by them? Haha..

You don't have to chase the local fish, or even chase them. Be the big fish, and have them chase you.
Not sure you realize how difficult this truly is, especially when (and we've established this), women are pretty much the main distraction for students my age.
 
Last edited:
You mean she's hotter than you're used to?
Lol, not exactly. Pretty much that her interests that don't quite match mine are a refreshing twist from the hobbies of girls I normally hang out with (she's into forensic science and art, I hang out with manga fans? I think you can see the difference, lol)
 
6,171
1,275
Lol, not exactly. Pretty much that her interests that don't quite match mine are a refreshing twist from the hobbies of girls I normally hang out with (she's into forensic science and art, I hang out with manga fans? I think you can see the difference, lol)
I see.

And this:

though, we find common ground through other means, and they suit me perfectly as well as her (so it seems)! :)
obviously means you like the same sexual positions. I also find that when I'm on the same page in bed with a girl other differences lose their importance.
 
I see.

And this:



obviously means you like the same sexual positions. I also find that when I'm on the same page in bed with a girl other differences lose their importance.
Lmao, I think you're missing the core of my point, my friend :P that part I won't know for at least a little while, haha...
 
6,171
1,275
Lmao, I think you're missing the core of my point, my friend :P that part I won't know for at least a little while, haha...
Sheez, Jorge! First I underestimated you, then I overestimated you. You're just determined to be a moving target.
 

cronxeh

Gold Member
949
10
Lmao, I think you're missing the core of my point, my friend :P that part I won't know for at least a little while, haha...
What kind of an aspiring theoretical physicist are ya there.. As the saying goes, chemical engineers do it in fluidized beds.. You ought to apply theory to practice and get on the thermodynamics of friction on boundary layers, if ya catch my drift
 
319
1
Guys get crushed. That's how the game works. Better to get crushed for the first time sooner rather than later.
You know what, Russ? You might be surprised to know how often girls get crushed too. I'd guess and say it's probably pretty even.
 

Moonbear

Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
Gold Member
11,349
51
You know what, Russ? You might be surprised to know how often girls get crushed too. I'd guess and say it's probably pretty even.
I think Russ knows that, and was just referring to guys because he's a guy and the OP is a guy and that was what the conversation was about. :wink:
 

turbo

Gold Member
3,028
45
I think Russ knows that, and was just referring to guys because he's a guy and the OP is a guy and that was what the conversation was about. :wink:
Guys crush themselves after the fact, too, when they realize how stupid they were when ignoring ladies (older or younger) that were sending out strong and clear signals.
 

turbo

Gold Member
3,028
45
I had an older lady who didn't tell me until after she was married that she had wanted me. She was a cheerleader and a great dancer who paid a lot of attention to me - why would I think I could not get her? Mental block. A couple of my friends' sisters would hang on me and I'd be nice, but not follow through because they were "too young". Guess what? They were both real "lookers" by the time I got well into college and were already spoken for. Sweet ladies with intelligence and poise.

A few years difference in age seems to mean a lot in HS. It means nothing later!
 
319
1
I think Russ knows that, and was just referring to guys because he's a guy and the OP is a guy and that was what the conversation was about. :wink:
Well, likely he does know that, and I only said that because I've known a few men who seem to believe that women have all of the power in love relationships.

My apologies to Russ.
 

turbo

Gold Member
3,028
45
Well, likely he does know that, and I only said that because I've known a few men who seem to believe that women have all of the power in love relationships.

My apologies to Russ.
At least in the 1960s (codger disclaimer!!!!) the women did not have the "power" if they were much younger than than the men. And (in my limited experience) they did not have the "power" over much younger guys unless they got pretty explicit. In my case, I'd hug up my cheerleader buddy every time she grabbed me for a dance, but she would let me go back to the younger crowd each time. If she ever told me that she'd live with her folks and wait for me to graduate, I probably would have tried to graduate ahead of time.
 
6,171
1,275
Guys crush themselves after the fact, too, when they realize how stupid they were when ignoring ladies (older or younger) that were sending out strong and clear signals.
Actually, the majority of girls have no idea what constitutes a "strong and clear signal".

Back in the day a girl I knew casually whom I was chatting with over coffee suddenly announced: "I'm spending the night at your place tonight."

THAT is a strong and clear signal.
 

turbo

Gold Member
3,028
45
Actually, the majority of girls have no idea what constitutes a "strong and clear signal".

Back in the day a girl I knew casually whom I was chatting with over coffee suddenly announced: "I'm spending the night at your place tonight."

THAT is a strong and clear signal.
That would have been a welcome sign!!!!
 
6,171
1,275
That would have been a welcome sign!!!!
Point is: a "strong and clear signal" is explicit. Girls often actually put out a lot of incredibly ambiguous suggestions that they, for some absurd reason, suppose are "strong and clear", and then blame the guys as dull witted if they don't demonstrate the desired reaction.

Another tale from back in the day: girl takes my arm and whispers in my ear, "I wanna make love!"

THAT is a strong and clear signal.
 
19
0
Hello everyone, i'm a high school sophomore, and have a small dilemna..i've become very distracted by this gorgeous girl, who appears to be quite intelligent (and happens to be a junior), and have never spoken a word to her in my life. Just wondering how i should tone down my nerd-iness (i sit with a table of nerds and rejects), because she is constantly surrounded by her friends, and don't know how she'd react to someone from a completely different realm approaching her and initiating some sort of conversation..

Also, i've spoken with a friend of hers, who happens to be a nerdy-yet-accepted member of her peers, so i think that may be a window to approaching her?

Any thoughts?
1. It's your life, don't give up your dreams.
2. You don't ask, you don't get.
3. The first time she abuses you, get it straight or bail.
4. Take it slow. You will change, she will change.
5. Hell, if you think she's that good, go for it!
 
Point is: a "strong and clear signal" is explicit.

Another tale from back in the day: girl takes my arm and whispers in my ear, "I wanna make love!"
Lmfao, I now have a goal...
But more seriously, I have noticed several subtle (by absolutely NO means "strong and clear") signs from her, though it does take a very trained eye to decipher it. I'll have to keep reading into those signs, lol
 

turbo

Gold Member
3,028
45
A year is nothing Jorge. Be yourself.
 

Related Threads for: Approaching her

  • Last Post
4
Replies
81
Views
6K
  • Last Post
Replies
11
Views
5K
  • Last Post
Replies
5
Views
2K
  • Last Post
Replies
14
Views
6K
  • Last Post
Replies
11
Views
3K
  • Last Post
Replies
9
Views
586
  • Last Post
2
Replies
26
Views
3K
  • Last Post
Replies
4
Views
2K

Hot Threads

Top