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Arranged Marriage

  1. Jun 1, 2005 #1
    I apologize if this thread has been overdone.

    Arranged marriage is practiced in many religions. People within these religions are betrothed to friends of parents, or other children of friends of parents, etc. However, should marriage not be about love? And if betrothed marriage is not about love, then is it morally wrong? Why have so many people ignored love in marriage in order to marry into money or other material ammenities? Can love grow within these marriages?
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  3. Jun 1, 2005 #2


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    I answer your question with... another question! Is marriage being about love only the case in certain religions? If so, does it make it morally wrong in religions where its not suppose to be about love?

    Why have so many people ignored love in marriage in order to marry into money or other material ammenities?

    I think you answered your own question there
  4. Jun 1, 2005 #3
    In arranged marriage, a parental force is involved in making the decision about the marriage from the man or woman's childhood. Marriage should be about happiness, as when one is married, one spends the rest of his/her life with that person. Therefore, happiness with the partner is key to the survival of the marriage. In love comes happiness. Therefore, marriage should be about love.

    In marital love comes marital consecration. If there is no marital love (ie. the two are betrothed), then true consecration cannot be acheived, because intercourse is a gesture of love. If this is the case, then the marriage cannot be completely true. Thus, without love, true consecration is never achieved, meaning the main purpose of marriage is not accomplished.
  5. Jun 1, 2005 #4
    Arranged marriage is the only "correct" marriage as confirmed by science as far as i know. Love does not exists in the meaning of some esotheric something somewhere. There is no "someone special" waiting for anybody. Its all chemistry and its proven that actually dating and living together does damage the system its setup for humans.

    which way you want this thread to go? we can talk about the chemistry of love or we can get into the social aspect of it.

  6. Jun 1, 2005 #5


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    Your taking this from a different view then the people who actually practice arranged marriage. It is simply our own opinions that marriage should be about love. Maybe people who do arranged marriages have it in their culture that marriage is not about love.

    Lets take business as an example. Some of us, maybe many, might believe that business is not business unless your looking for the cheapest price for your customer, quick '1 night stands' with other businesses in a rough and tumble world. In a different culture, many people might believe business is not at all about prices and quick relationships, but more about forging long term friendships and networking with many people.

    Is either view right? We are trained in the western world to believe my first description of business is the correct definition or at least the definition we like to use. Maybe in a different culture they are trained to believe the second example is the correct means of doing things.

    And actually to make a better example... maybe to them, the most important thing about a marriage is not being with someone you love or having sex... maybe its about having children that go on to be successful or well mannered or whatever. Maybe what we believe is the goal of a marriage is not the same thing other people believe is the goal of marriage.
  7. Jun 1, 2005 #6


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    How is it confirmed by science? Dont they just pick whoever they want?

    And i think this thread is suppose to be social since hes talken about love.
  8. Jun 1, 2005 #7
    Note that love in the sense poets, movies and in general conversations does not EXISTS. SO what love do you wanna talk about ?
  9. Jun 1, 2005 #8


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    Well what is this "correct" marriage you talk of and what is the love that actually exists?
  10. Jun 1, 2005 #9
    This is what we know about today.

    Scientists are finding that, after all, love really is down to a chemical addiction between people.OVER the course of history it has been artists, poets and playwrights who have made the greatest progress in humanity's understanding of love. Romance has seemed as inexplicable as the beauty of a rainbow. But these days scientists are challenging that notion, and they have rather a lot to say about how and why people love each other.

    The falling in love part, is the one im gonna concentrate on because it will show that arranged marriage is the only way!
    All relationships, whether they are those of parents with their children, spouses with their partners, or workers with their colleagues, rely on an ability to create and maintain social ties.

    I want to make it very simple to keep it short so this is what you need for "love".

    two hormones called oxytocin and vasopressin are responsible for falling in love. The intial attraction is related to smell, ie pheromones. Testosteron is related to outside features as well as pheromones production. (this testosteron business is very interesting one).
    So actuall what we learn without going into details is that "love" ie the chemical release and forming of dompamine in the brain (the feel good feeling) and hormones is very sterssfull for a body. Body does not by nature want to be in stress. The "love" (stress) is to ensure reproduction!

    There are 3 stages in love. 1. The drive, 2. The romance, 3. attachement.
    The drive is pretty much the need/want to reproduce
    the romance is to narrow it down to one person (there is very interesting chemistry behind this one). This is the one when we fell "oooh, this one is the one i want! "
    the attachement is concerned with descreasy of testosteron in males and changind "smell" (feromones) for females to ensure protection for the kids, ie to make sure that the famle is going to be taken care of by the male.

    If we date and all the crazy stuff. If we try to abuse the body to keep falling in love and out if we keep the brain releasing hormones of love but than socially break it, the brain will create tolerance, and plus it not going to be nothing new for the brain. The experience goes down the mechanism is "overridden by social system which results in "crippled" minds of youth.

    Ever wondered why first love is the stronges ? !!!

    Thats why arranged marriage partners have NO choice but to fall in love! Its chemistry. The hormones get released and thats it. It math ! there is no way out of it.

    Note i kept is i think too simple to make it short, if you want i give you link to go to to read upon the beauty of chemistry of love.

  11. Jun 1, 2005 #10


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    The one flaw I see in an arranged marriage is those who are doing the arranging. They do not necessarily know what's best for their children when it comes to love for the opposite sex because the love between a parent and child are different then the love two equals have for one another.

    The one thing about arranged marriages I can see is that it "forces" two people to get along and make the marriage work. Not sure I would like that now since in my culture we are allowed a freedom to leave an abusive relationship if necessary. If there is abuse in an arranged marriage (even verbal), that would feel so depressing.
  12. Jun 1, 2005 #11
    Actually what i have read its the same love chanelled (interpretted by the brain differently).

    Arranged marriage must work better than random encounter for the previous reasons and if we look at societies who do have arranged marriage they have much lover divorce rates, less rape, less single mothers etc.

    Its hard for us to understands since we think its so hard to find the right person on our own. But there is no "right" person in the sense we use it. There is "right" person in terms of pheromons and other chemistry.

    Dont get me wrong the issue is very complicated and other social and personal (psychological) factors are in play. What im talking about is just the "falling in love" part.

    Actually why men do not fall in love with their mothers (unless some psychic illness) is that familiy members release pheromones which do "stink" to our brain. We cannot possibly think of familiy member as a sexuall object. (I know about Freud but that is proven to be nonsense).

    Arranged marriage is not "unfreedom" and stuff. ON the contrary. The two automatically fall in love without having much choice unless the pheromones are totally wrong.
  13. Jun 1, 2005 #12


    This is just one example. I am sure there are many more.

    Just because women don't get divorced that doesn't mean they don't want one. There are other factors to consider in the divorce rate of different countries; which include the stigma of divorce, womens rights, education and discrimination.

    In most marriages in the US today both man and woman have an education and work. The stigma of divorce is all but dead and women have stonger presence in the workplace than ever before. This makes it very easy for women to seek divorce as opposed to earlier decades or countries where women aren't as fortunate to be in such a position.
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2005
  14. Jun 2, 2005 #13
    "In most marriages in the US today both man and woman have an education and work. The stigma of divorce is all but dead and women have stonger presence in the workplace than ever before. This makes it very easy for women to seek divorce as opposed to earlier decades or countries where women aren't as fortunate to be in such a position."

    Most of the women who get divorced for other them money which is #1 reason cite as very important factor "bad smell" of their husband. Research shows that its a pheromons who make it impossible for women to say with man. Many of that is cause with birth control pills as reaserch shows.

    About bbc i would not believe everything you read there. However, to partially agree with you, those countries have the lowest litteracy rates and ppl have their problems. Nontheless, arranged marriage is the best option of a marriage, regardless if some nation thinks that instant sexuall gratification and when i hit 30 i wanna get married attitude will do it with the ideal marriage.

    Man is one of the 3% mamals who are monogamist. The problem is that man have both mechanisms; those of polygamist mamals and those of monogamist. If a man chooses to use his polygamist mechanism it overrides the monogamistic one and vice versa. Actually research shows that man is monogamist by nature with the chemistry process of love suited for monogamy.

    US has by statistic probably the worst divorce rates. Im not gonna even go into feminism and stuff which is destroying this society. Famales misunderstanding their nature etc....

  15. Jun 2, 2005 #14
    I think so too. :approve:
  16. Jun 2, 2005 #15
    To keep on topic, all marriages are arranged - I've never seen a spontaneous wedding. So there.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2005
  17. Jun 2, 2005 #16
    Marry the one you really love
  18. Jun 2, 2005 #17
    I think you should have answer in your mind already!
  19. Jun 2, 2005 #18


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    Note from the Admin:

    Keep this on topic, or it will be closed. No more discussions of feminism or insulting back and forth.
  20. Jun 3, 2005 #19
    Now I'll never, ever know. :cry:
  21. Jun 3, 2005 #20


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    Throughout history, marriage was mostly arranged, it has only been in recent history that marriage for love became the norm, although it's more common in westernized cultures.
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