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Asexuality: do you really need sex to be happy

  1. Nov 18, 2009 #1
    I just watched a special on asexuality on 20/20(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeKGOMUVU7g&feature=related), and some people , including many so called professionals on human behavior and human intimacy, believe that their is no gene for asexuality and have a difficult time believing that a person can live a happy , productive life abstaining from sex throughout their life. From what I saw, the sex therapist in this video seems argue that the asexuals are asexuals because their are intangible barriers in place that subconsciously prevent them from having sex. Do you believe that these group of asexuals are an exception and that sex is a requirement to reach happiness for most humans ? I thought the sex therapist in the video was being a hypocrite and showing a little bit of narrowmindedness for she used the analogy of a colorblind person not having the enjoyable experience of seeing colors when she herself really has not had the same experiences that the asexual people have had so she does not have the authority to say if their lives would be more enjoyable with sex. What do you think?
  2. jcsd
  3. Nov 18, 2009 #2
    If you had no sex drive, your life should be alright without sex. It would probably be better with it though, just like the colorblind person's life would probably be better if he could see colors.
  4. Nov 18, 2009 #3


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    There are likely many people who have sex but are unhappy.

    If some are asexual and happy, good for them.

    In general monks take a vow of celibacy, and many or most seem happy. So be it.

    Don't worry - be happy.
  5. Nov 18, 2009 #4


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    If you don't know what you're missing, how can you be unhappy about missing it, especially if you don't have any particular feelings driving you to want to discover it?
  6. Nov 18, 2009 #5


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    People don't necessarily need sexual activity/contact to be content (happy). Some people seem to crave less-intimate personal interaction and thrive on that level of interaction. When I was running open-mike blues jams at a local tavern, there was a very attractive lady that showed up regularly and spent the whole time dancing alone or with a few others (but very loosely) and had a great time. She never drank or socialized with the bar-crowd, and spent her whole time dancing. We exchanged about 10 words in 10 years, but that may change. I understand that she may become a neighbor (just a mile or so down the road).
  7. Nov 19, 2009 #6
    Asexuality is hereditary. If your parents didn't engage in sex, you won't either.
  8. Nov 19, 2009 #7
  9. Nov 24, 2009 #8
    I think it's intimacy that most people crave. At least above the neandrathal level of society.


    Men (generally) view sex as a pathway to intimacy
    Women (generally) view intimacy as a pathway to sex.

  10. Nov 24, 2009 #9


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    One of your statements have to be false. Personally, I think it's the first - it should be "I think it's intimacy that most men crave." Women just use intimacy as a trick to lure men into sex.
  11. Nov 24, 2009 #10


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    I knew it!!! :devil:
  12. Nov 25, 2009 #11


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    I don't think sex is a necessity. I very much enjoy it, but it's bad sex than I rather have none.

    But sometimes the asexual people seem strange, and some genuine. I feel some just are clueless about themselves and probably only had "bad" sex, and in their own way so afraid to explore their own sexually that they resort to not having sex at all. Hence, not facing the fear that they have is pleasurable rather that the actual aspect of not having sex. The whole topic needs to be more researched.
  13. Nov 27, 2009 #12
    I think that the psychologist you refer to is not interpreting correctly. I think that there are genuinely asexual people. I think it is possible that they may not be very happy with life. I would assume that a lack of desire for sex does not mean a person lacks a desire for emotional intimacy. If most of the people in the world are sexual beings and find their intimacy through sex I can see how an asexual person would have a hard time achieving the emotional intimacy they desire and so feel lonely or outcast.
  14. Nov 27, 2009 #13
    How about the concept of pack hierachy.

    Omegas typically getting little to no sexual activity during their reproductive years and them being the individuals more oriented to pack social/emotional dynamics and the concept of humans beings pack animals?

    It seems to me, that the individuals I know that are non-sexually active, tend to be the better balanced indivduals that are more intuitive when it comes to empathy and comedy.

    Just a thought.
  15. Nov 28, 2009 #14


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    How is non-sexually active balanced? They aren't having sex which means the balance is not there.

    Most would say I'm a pretty well balanced person. Part of volunteering, academics going well, finances not a problem, I donate, learning independently, read, and all kinds of stuff. They might guess that I may not be sexually active... but really, I have sex all the time. Actually went to a sex show in Toronto just the other day.

    I think people who get caught up in sex aren't responsible about it, in general. They end up thinking about it all the time, which is the key problem. A typical conversation between people involves usually relationships which is indirectly related to sex, and the drama you see on TV is relationships which again is indirectly related to sex. It's really annoying too. You watch Big Bang Theory, and even that is related to sex. So many things surrounding is.

    So, I think the asexual people are OUTSIDE of the sexual loop and the sexual people are STUCK inside the sexual loop. Both are equally bad in my opinion.

    I tend to try and work on personal development all the time and I feel others rarely ever do. I've been learning Chinese for almost 4 months now and people think it is strange and I need some reason. My only reason is that it's fun. And it's not like I'm learning it like most people, learn a few things and go tell your friends you know some chinese. I put lots of work into it. Basically 80% of the writing on paper in my apartment is now chinese. Papers scattered all over the floor are chinese.

    Hence, don't get stuck outside or inside.
  16. Nov 30, 2009 #15
    This has always been true of entertainment media. Movies (TV, etc.) is a lot about sex, not much about raising children. Real life is a lot about raising children, not much about sex. :smile:
  17. Dec 8, 2009 #16
    So one must be sexually active to maintain balance? What balance exactly, are you and the OP's researchers, trying to prove can not exist without sexual activity?

    I am glad that you are one of the few that are into self enlightenment in todays world. There are not enough of us out there nowadays.

    That being said, I do not wholely agree with what you have said. You imply that everyone has to have and actively satisfy sexual urges to maintain balance within the individual.

    I say that a massive urge/capability to aquire a mate to propogate with, is not inherant in all individuals within any given biological group. As a whole, most could say their is a biological imperative to propogate within all species, but I do not think that this is inhereant in all memebrs of the species.

    Hence why I brought up the omega males in wolf packs. These individuals typically do not propagate or partake in significant sexual intercourse throughout their lives. At the same time they are the ones that are integral in maintaining pack moral, pack hierarchy, and are typically the most fierce and strongest protectors of the pack. But yet they are massively submissive to higher ranking males and thus pass up on reproductive activities.

    To me this suggests that within pack animals, sexual activity is not a prerequisite for a balanced individual. It also raises the concept that sometimes having individuals not so strung up in the drive to propagate their genetic line, helps maintain a civil union within the pack.

    Again, these are just thoughts.
  18. Dec 8, 2009 #17


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    I was showing a counter-example.
  19. Dec 8, 2009 #18
    Trying to clarify your counter example.

    Would the following be correct.

    Asexual individuals deviate so far from "normal" sexual activity patterns as to be recognized as the polar opposites of "deviants" that struggle to control their sexual urges?
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2009
  20. Dec 8, 2009 #19


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    I wonder if asexual people are somehow "disabled" or "broken". Like they are physically lacking some sort of brain development. I mean, from an evolutionary perspective, it seems like something nature did not "intend".


    There is an opposing argument that the third of fourth male born is generally more feminine and less promiscuous because the mother has already put out enough breeders and now needs help around the house, so she puts more estrogen (or whatever) into her later son. I heard it from my girlfriend when she was studying sexual selection in an evolution class, so I don't know the actual source.
  21. Dec 13, 2009 #20
    Do these asexual people masturbate? This is a serious question. I think it is a very unhealthy psychologically for males to abstain from both sex and masturbation. If they do not have sex or masturbate do (the men) still have nocturnal ejaculation?
  22. Dec 13, 2009 #21
    Apparently there are bands called Annie Anxiety and the Asexuals and Nocturnal Emissions which is making it difficult to find any articles on the subject. lol

    Here is something interesting though...
  23. Dec 13, 2009 #22
    If that's so, then I call BS on this asexual business.
  24. Dec 17, 2009 #23


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    People are not asexual. Look around, they are all over the planet. If you have problems finding a partner, that is your problem.
  25. Dec 20, 2009 #24
    Many people who dont know how to play with a girl have never had a sex, and they still live. Its important for a man to be happy, but not necessary for life, like water or food
  26. Dec 20, 2009 #25
    It's necessary for life to form in the first place. Unless you're one of those mutant types who are reproducing via mitosis.
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