Best way to dispose of a dead body?

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my uncle says he'd get a car axle, roll it up with the body in chicken wire & dump it into the ocean. the car axle is big & heavy, but also long & skinny so it would roll up easy with the body, and the chicken wire would hold everything together on the bottom. it's kind of funny because it's really out of character for him to think like that. does anyone have a better idea?
 

brewnog

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fourier jr said:
does anyone have a better idea?
Call an undertaker.
 
oh how vile.
 

Pengwuino

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Hole

more letters
 
Someone once told me something about chroming vats... not sure how easy one would be to come by though.
 
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break the legs off and then stuff the body in a pillow case with a few cats i'm also trying to get rid of. stuff into the trunk of a car, and then buckle a few people i don't like into the car seats, then lay a brick on the gas pedal and send the car over a cliff where it will land at the bottom of a deep ravine and catch flame and stuff..
 

SOS2008

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Was your uncle a bed-wetter as a boy, did he torture small animals, and like to play with fire? If so, stay away from him!! :rofl:
 

honestrosewater

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Minced meat pie.
 
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Not that I have any experience in this sort of thing. But I would burn the body to the ground (however a cremation(sp?) works), then melt the gun into scrap metal, and then relax.
 

Moonbear

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How about the good old-fashioned garbage disposal? You'd have to take a little time to cut it into pieces that would fit though. Then follow with a good cocktail of RNase and DNase. (The Genco Family knows how to clean up the evidence.) :biggrin:
 

JamesU

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fourier jr, what did you do?!
 
You could take the body out to some woods somewhere and just leave it. I think you'd be surprised how infrequently anybody ever goes even 300 feet off a path, over dead trees and through brush. I was going to say, leave it in the middle of one of the wooded patches found in the middle of some highway exit ramp loops, but some motorist might notice your entry or exit. In an area where there's a steep slope to either side of the highway down to a marshy wooded spot (we got that around here), you could stop in the breakdown lane and just shove the body out the window so it rolls down the slope, then start moving again. Do it at night and no one would notice. I have heard of car accidents ending up down there and not being found--bodies and all--until months later, by a maintenance crew.

Of course, all this assumes that you would be okay with having the body found eventually, so long as it's decomposed enough to have no link to you.
 

Evo

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Gale17 said:
break the legs off and then stuff the body in a pillow case with a few cats i'm also trying to get rid of. stuff into the trunk of a car, and then buckle a few people i don't like into the car seats, then lay a brick on the gas pedal and send the car over a cliff where it will land at the bottom of a deep ravine and catch flame and stuff..
I love cats. :cry:
 

Evo

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mattmns said:
Not that I have any experience in this sort of thing. But I would burn the body to the ground (however a cremation(sp?) works), then melt the gun into scrap metal, and then relax.
I saw a show on that, you'll still have tell tale bones, so you would have to dispose of them.

Fourier's uncle's idea sounds really good, I mean, well you know what I mean. :grumpy:

The Tibetan's have a great way of disposing of bodies, they chop the body into pieces and let vultures eat it. No fuss, no muss, and nothing left.
 

Ivan Seeking

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I would make little green crackers out of the body...and then sell them as the solution to hunger. Yes...and I would call it Kuru Green :tongue2:
 

honestrosewater

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Kuru Green is people! :rofl: Okay, I seriously need to go to bed.
 

arildno

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fourier jr said:
my uncle says he'd get a car axle, roll it up with the body in chicken wire & dump it into the ocean. the car axle is big & heavy, but also long & skinny so it would roll up easy with the body, and the chicken wire would hold everything together on the bottom. it's kind of funny because it's really out of character for him to think like that. does anyone have a better idea?
Or, you might do as that slaughterer in Berlin in the 1920's who butchered up his victims and sold the parts as horse meat (human flesh has reputedly a sweet taste, although I cannot confirm this by any sort of personal experience).

EDIT: His name was Fritz Haarman, and he "worked" in Hannover, not Berlin.
 
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wolram

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I must say this thread is most distasteful, every country boy knows that you
feed all unwanted remains to the pigs.
 
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Umm, i would say take out all the meat and gave them to hungry animals.
Then for the leftover-skeleton, just sell it to biological class and tell them that it is artificial skeletons. Will it works?
 

FredGarvin

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There's a great scene in the movie 'Snatch' with Bradd Pitt. One of the characters talks about how incredibly efficient pigs are at devouring a human body in an incredibly short period of time. Just an FYI there...
 

Danger

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I never give away trade secrets.
 

wolram

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FredGarvin said:
There's a great scene in the movie 'Snatch' with Bradd Pitt. One of the characters talks about how incredibly efficient pigs are at devouring a human body in an incredibly short period of time. Just an FYI there...
Yep about 4, 5 hours and its all gone. remember to take all the sharp objects
out the pockets first, i remember a pig that had a terrible time passing a long
handled steel comb
 
Strap the corpse to a rocket and blast it into outer space. No one will ever find it (except aliens).
 
If you've really filled up your crawl space completely or the attics about to give way and start dumping stiffs on your head then it's time to move to a place with more burial plots. If you rent then you can just prop the corpse up in the lobby. Give him black sunglasses so people will think he's blind, not dead.
 
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Give the body to pigs. There is a BC pig farmer thats charged with like 50+ murders that has done this. They finaly caught him a few years back and they are learning more and more every day how many people hes actually murdered. He will be the most notorious murderer of all time.
 

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