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Can we control love!

  1. Jan 3, 2010 #1
    Hey there,
    I’d like to know, is there any possible way to control love? How to get rid of this feeling and beat it to death!



    [[[Story is, there’s this guy who I really like, but I've never met him in person and he doesn't know about me, I only read his posts here. :biggrin: But I know it won’t work and I don’t want it to work either! I have my own reasons which I’m not willing to share! Odd I know but this is it… Still, I can't bear the feeling of dismissing him, it feels like a poison inside of me. And it’s affecting my life in a bad way, I can’t focus anymore, study nor socialize. The only good thing about this feeling is it helped me to lose weight. :biggrin: Any ideas what to do? Thanks.]]]
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Jan 3, 2010 #2
    socialize/go out/volunteer/meet new people.
     
  4. Jan 3, 2010 #3
    Yeah, I've been trying that lately, it didn't work. It has been a long time since I start to feel that way (## months), I start to become more of a careless person and everyone is saying ‘you’re not yourself’. I act/ respond/ think/ etc about anything differently than I used to do. I just hate the fact that it took me that long, and I really want to end it.
     
  5. Jan 3, 2010 #4
    The answer to your question is yes, you can.

    But even more importantly, for you, is that you can control any emotion, or rather, you can choose to not let any emotion control you. The reason I say this is because what you are experiencing is not love. You simply cannot love someone you've never met, spoken to, or otherwise interacted with except by reading their forum posts.

    What you're experiencing is probably more like desire, maybe with some lust thrown in (I don't know). And you can handle that too. Focus on your life, your -real- life, and the interactions in it. When you're having a conversation with someone (and I mean a real one here), really listen and focus on what they're saying. You're a student I think? Really dial into your studies. If you think you 'can't', just sit down and make yourself. Say I will study for the next hour no matter how badly I don't want to, or no matter how many times I lose focus. I will keep studying. Read a book, the kind that whisks you away to another world, and you lose all sense of time and place. There are many ways to get past this.

    Now, if you really want to do this the fast way, introduce yourself to the person in question, tell them how you feel, and ask to meet. Maybe they'll politely say no, maybe they'll take you up on it, maybe ignore you, who knows. Either way, you'll probably come to realize this person isn't at all the person you built them up to be in your head.

    You're not in love with a real person. You're desiring a persona your mind has built up out of forum posts and your emotions. No big deal, everyone has been there before. You can handle it.
     
  6. Jan 3, 2010 #5

    Moonbear

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    If you've never met him, you aren't really in love. There, easy, problem solved. :biggrin: It's infatuation, a crush, or perhaps lust, and definitely a big part fantasy, but not love. As quickly as it appeared, it'll disappear when you meet someone interesting in real life.

    Can you control your emotions? In most cases, no. Sure, there are medications that can help with things like depression to rid yourself of sadness, but if you mean by some non-medicated method, nope. What you CAN do is control your reaction to your emotions.
     
  7. Jan 4, 2010 #6

    BobG

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    Someone already called dibs on him and they'll soon ban you. Problem solved. :rofl:

    (He's so clueless he'd never figure out you had a crush on him anyway)
     
  8. Jan 6, 2010 #7
    Not to be dismissive of your feelings, but if you've only read this person's posts on the internet, isn't it likely that the person you're "in love" with is moreso an image you have in your head of what this person is like that may not have much to do with reality? In this case, perhaps contacting the person and learning more about him might help, as it may dispel the fantasy you have built up.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2010
  9. Jan 6, 2010 #8
    It would be an irony were it Cyrus and he came in here and bashed the OP.


    Like Moonie says, its more fantasy than anything. I would hardly even call it a crush. The problem would seem to be that you are for some reason retreating into fantasy and not wanting to deal with real life people. Figure out why that may be and you may be able to solve your problem then.
     
  10. Jan 6, 2010 #9

    sas3

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    Well, Who is it, If we bring it out in the open and discuss it that might help you resolve your issue and it will provide hours of entertainment for everyone else.
     
  11. Jan 7, 2010 #10
    Or everyone can claim to be her crush/fantasy and see who wins :biggrin:

    I think this thread is ... bit creepy :uhh:
     
  12. Jan 7, 2010 #11

    BobG

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    We should have a poll!

    Who is disordered's beau? Beau Diddley, Beau Jackson, Beau Derek, Beau the Portugese Water Dog, or Bo Bridges?
     
  13. Jan 7, 2010 #12

    dlgoff

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    :rofl: I'm wondering now if I should PM Cyrus and tell him about this.
     
  14. Jan 10, 2010 #13
    Disordered,
    Love is like a flower: beautiful, but fragile, in the sense that you can dispose of it at any point in time.
    -C
     
  15. Jan 10, 2010 #14
    Love is like a box of chocolates.

    or was that life? I dont remember.

    Getting rid of crushes is easy. Go to a party and meet new people. Boom, as soon as you find someone new to harp on your old crush has dissapeared. (although I've never given up on this one girl, but thats another story.)
     
  16. Jan 10, 2010 #15

    DaveC426913

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    disordered: I am married. Deal with it.
     
  17. Jan 11, 2010 #16
    :bugeye:
     
  18. Mar 18, 2010 #17
    You’re right! Unfortunately, I don’t dispose of beautiful things that happen in my life…

    http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/8596/p1000967.jpg [Broken]

    Among physics pages! That's where his tough love belongs :biggrin:

    Thanks all for the concern.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2017
  19. Mar 18, 2010 #18
    Yeah. PM the guy and meet see if you can meet him in person.
     
  20. Mar 18, 2010 #19
    No, it would be more fun in public!@
     
  21. Mar 18, 2010 #20
    There are two forms I guess.

    1: Love, hard to control, but I guess possible in the end with the proper dose of chemicals.
    2: Being in love, completely different thing, not loving a person as much as loving the feeling that a person gives you and mistaking the latter for the former. It's basically the aequivalent of getting a shot of heroine every time that person enters the room. I'm sure people can be let to believe a person is awesome if they subconsciously associate a shot of heroine with them like that. Easily controllable in theory of course by applying or removing said shot. Can lead to uncomfortable withdrawal signs that may include vomiting, crying or nausea we like to call a 'broken heart'.
     
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