Caskets? See aisle 7 at Costco

  • #1
Ivan Seeking
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(AP) The American consumer is in for another shock.

In a shift of marketing strategy and cultural style as big as when doctors, lawyers and drug companies began advertising to drum up business, Costco Wholesale Corp. has begun selling coffins directly to its customers.[continued]
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/08/17/national/main636426.shtml
 

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  • #3
Evo
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Shopping list - dozen eggs, quart of milk, casket, loaf of bread, :eek:
 
  • #4
Ivan Seeking
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butter, embalming kit, shovel...

On a related note, I just watched Soylent Green again. This would be bad news for the Costco Casket venture.

http://www.scifi.com/sfw/issue55/classic.html

Soylent Green
Hmm....so what exactly is Olestra, anyway?

As an aside, how about some advertising slogan suggestions for Costco Caskets?

"When the heart blows a gasket, try a Costco Casket"
or
"Your Costco Casket makes you look your best; or your money back"
[Returns not accepted after 90 days]
 
  • #5
Moonbear
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Honey, granny kicked the bucket. Would you please pick up a coffin on your way home?

Can you imagine, people driving home from their shopping with a casket tied to the roof of the car?

Though, might make someone think twice about their marital squabbles if their spouse arrives home from the grocery shopping with a coffin.
 
  • #6
Evo
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Moonbear said:
Honey, granny kicked the bucket. Would you please pick up a coffin on your way home?

Can you imagine, people driving home from their shopping with a casket tied to the roof of the car?

Though, might make someone think twice about their marital squabbles if their spouse arrives home from the grocery shopping with a coffin.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Ivan Seeking said:
As an aside, how about some advertising slogan suggestions for Costco Caskets?

"When the heart blows a gasket, try a Costco Casket"
Now that's GOOD!

Have you read about the recent trend in home funerals?
 
  • #7
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Evo said:
Have you read about the recent trend in home funerals?
major edit: Whoah I just re-read this. Home funerals!!! :surprise: I saw it as funeral homes. Yikes.
 
Last edited:
  • #8
Ivan Seeking
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Before you bail, check our sale
 
  • #9
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Does anyone watch Six Feet Under, on HBO?
 
  • #10
BoulderHead
I'm waiting for a rebate offer.

As an aside, how about some advertising slogan suggestions for Costco Caskets?
“Rest your weary bones in one of our eternal homes.”

“Compliment your ‘offin’ with a Costco coffin.”

“Return to dust in a box that will not rust.”

“You’ll be dying to experience the comfort and elegance of our super-deluxe model.”

“We never ‘stiff’ our customers.”

“All Costo coffins are built to ‘rigor’ous standards.”
 
  • #11
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Excellent so far guys and gals. :smile:

If you must go, go costco.

Try our flame resistant model.

Ashes to ashes dust to dust,
Buy your coffin from Costco,
The name you can trust.
 
  • #12
Ivan Seeking
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I love it

When the almighty's a callin, our prices are fallin
 
  • #13
BoulderHead
“At Costco, we got you covered.”

“By any Costco casket at the regular low price and get a second one of equal or lesser value for just $14.99”

“Makes the perfect gift for that man or woman who has everything.”
 
  • #14
Moonbear
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Why do I have this vision of Frat boys running down to Costco for a casket for their next party? That would hold a lot of ice and beer!
 
  • #15
Math Is Hard
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Moonbear said:
Why do I have this vision of Frat boys running down to Costco for a casket for their next party? That would hold a lot of ice and beer!
:rofl:
I hope Costco stocked up on the deluxe waterproof models for all those Frat Row Halloween bashes coming up.

I seem to remember an expose on 60 minutes (or some similar program) not that long ago about how the coffin business had become a big racket because some states had "health laws" mandating that only funeral homes could sell caskets. This resulted in exorbitant prices that families were struggling to pay because the funeral homes could charge whatever they wanted. Good for Costco, if they have found a way around this.
 
  • #16
dduardo
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"When 10 family members decide to drop dead at the same time shop for caskets in bulk at Costco."

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
  • #17
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On a serious note, An owner of a funeral home commented on this new casket and said he may have to raise prices now if these caskets sell well.

This sickens me when my friend died and his parents had money those funeral home nazis tried to suck them dry. To me, people who own funeral homes or cemetaries are the scum of the earth. They charge horrendous rates for their services and then ***** when someone gives a fair price on a casket.

When I die, throw me into the river, thanks.

On a lighter note, here are a couple more slogans:

"You'll love our new casket smell"

"Rejoice Hobos, now a reasonable solution to your financial whoes."

"Try our working man's model, It doubles as a toolbox for your truck."
 
  • #18
Ivan Seeking
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I wonder if they sell casket gaskets.

Did you know that caskets were once equipped with a bell and string, or some other assembly so that in the event that you are buried but not dead, you can get someones attention? As I recall the story, at sometime during the 1800's there was a flood that floated some large number of caskets from the local cemetary, right into town. It was discovered that one or a few caskets had scratches on the inside due to the "deceased" trying to get out after being buried. It was not so easy to tell the difference between death, and a coma. As you can imagine, this created quite a stir. In western culturs, the traditional waiting period before burial also stems from this problem - hence the Catholic "Wake".
 
  • #19
Ivan Seeking said:
As an aside, how about some advertising slogan suggestions for Costco Caskets?

"When the heart blows a gasket, try a Costco Casket"
or
"Your Costco Casket makes you look your best; or your money back"
[Returns not accepted after 90 days]
"100% Satisfaction Guaranteed Eternal Rest or Your money back"
 
  • #20
Moonbear
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"Lifetime Guarantee" :rofl:
 
  • #21
Evo
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Moonbear said:
"Lifetime Guarantee" :rofl:
Dang Moonbear, you made me spit all over my laptop. :tongue:
 
  • #22
Ivan Seeking
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Sorry folks...

To the tune of Burger King’s “Have it your way”

Hold the nails
Felt not cotton
You’ll be smiling
Till you’re rotten
Custom Coffins
Costco’s got ‘em
Have it your way.
 
  • #23
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Ivan Seeking said:
Sorry folks...

To the tune of Burger King’s “Have it your way”

Hold the nails
Felt not cotton
You’ll be smiling
Till you’re rotten
Custom Coffins
Costco’s got ‘em
Have it your way.
Love it. :biggrin:

To the tune of "Green Acres":

Grim Reaper is a commin' soon.
Costco Caskets when you meet your doom.
We have them in both tall and wide,
Short or stocky,
Lots of room inside.

duh dut da duh dut
The frills,
duh dut da duh dut
The chills,

Goodbye to your life.
A good buy for your wife!

Shady Acres you are there!
 

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