Checking back in after awhile

[ProfuselyQuarky]

How’s it been PF? It’s been a while. I wonder if the people I once talked to still frequent here. Thank you PF, for being the first to show me that the genuine thrill that comes with learning actually exists.

I apologize as I am most definitely using this as a medium to vent. A lot has happened. I feel like a failure. I’m bitter. I tell myself hate life, but in reality I only hate the situation I am in.

I blame the notion that the education system is a scam. I blame my parents. I blame the damn state of California. But what hurts the most is that I also blame myself, and I don’t know if that’s right or wrong. I’ve tried so hard but maybe that was only an illusion.

Regardless, I admit my love for pure science has only strengthened and narrowed these past few years. It’s beautiful and special and the only thing that has proven reliable.

To the students moving onto college this fall, good luck! You’ve earned your place. You’re smart. You can do good. Maybe I’ll be able to do the same one day.

There is no motive for posting this. I’ll probably regret it. Maybe this is not allowed and Greg will remove it lol it’s okay. Regardless, quite happy that I found the login info to this site.

(edited from mobile formatting)

 

[fresh_42]

WB! Wasn't it you with the fish?

Difficult to answer to your rant. I'm torn between saying something positive or singing along.

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

WB! Wasn't it you with the fish?

Difficult to answer to your rant. I'm torn between saying something positive or singing along.

I do remember the fish albeit vaguely! I remember you before you became a mentor. Had quite a bit of fun with those math challenges.

And that’s a respectable reaction to my nonsense. Feel free to sing along as my voice is dreadful and needs to drowned out by another’s ha

 

[jedishrfu]

What happened? I know sometimes we can try so hard and still not make the cut.

There is a deep Taoist story about this that might give you something to think about:

There lived an old farmer who had worked in his fields for many, many years. One day, his horse bolted away. His neighbors dropped into commiserate with him. “What awful luck,” they tut-tutted sympathetically, to which the farmer only replied, “We’ll see.”

Next morning, to everyone’s surprise, the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How amazing is that!” they exclaimed in excitement. The old man replied, “We’ll see.”

A day later, the farmer’s son tried to mount one of the wild horses. He was thrown on the ground and broke his leg. Once more, the neighbors came by to express their sympathies for this stroke of bad luck. “We’ll see,” said the farmer politely.

The next day, the village had some visitors – military officers who had come with the purpose of drafting young men into the army. They passed over the farmer’s son, thanks to his broken leg. The neighbors patted the farmer on his back – how lucky he was to not have his son join the army! “We’ll see,” was all that the farmer said!

https://blog.buddhagroove.com/zen-story-cause-and-effect/
This one of my favorite stories. While I know it doesn't solve your problem, it can give you insight into turning lemons into lemonade.

Jedi

 

[strangerep]

I blame the notion that the education system is a scam.

Why a scam? Certainly the education system in many countries is very imperfect, but that's not the same thing as "scam".

I blame my parents.

Most children do, at times. But that will never produce a useful solution.

I blame the damn state of California.

Would you rather live in Hong Kong?

But what hurts the most is that I also blame myself, and I don’t know if that’s right or wrong.

Yeah, one's own ego (or is it super ego?) will always make you feel guilty. Such "rules" get programmed into one's superego during early childhood. The only solution I've ever found is to admit out loud, as quickly as possible, when you realize you've made a mistake. Or when your chosen path towards an imagined goal doesn't take you there. That's just another honest mistake that needs correction, not self-condemnation.

I’ve tried so hard but maybe that was only an illusion.

There were times in my early undergrad courses where I felt the same -- I "tried" really hard, quite conscientiously, but still got mediocre results. In later years I finally figured that I'd been using poor study technique (i.e., not working through every single exercise, assignment, past exam papers, etc). After I recognized, and corrected, that mistake, my results improved dramatically.

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

I appreciate that story, thanks jedi :)

What happened?

I've done everything I was ever told to do but was rejected to every school I applied to, including my damn safety. Effing disappointment to everyone. Eventually enrolled full time at the cc I attended during high school. I was overzealous and took more units than recommended for a major I didn't want (wanted by my father) because I wanted to get out.

Was working quite well, but I became sick--a relapse from a chronic issue and the stress from my workload and other events made it worse. My gpa is literally crap. I've had no time for the extracurriculars that would otherwise augment my application.

I'm supposed to reapply to transfer this fall but my application is garbage. I never actually failed my classes so I can't retake anything.

On top of all of that, I officially changed to the major I wanted and the professor who promised me future help took back his offer because I am now "lower in the hierarchy of science" and his colleagues don't want to work with me.

I feel as though I cannot explain my medical situation in my application because, due to the nature of my problem, schools will know that I could relapse again with even greater severity and that hardly makes for an attractive applicant, regardless of stats.

I feel so petty writing this all out but I feel as though I needed to for my own sake.

 

[phinds]

Hey quarky, welcome back. Sorry to hear life's been giving you grief.

The only advice I can give you is to drop the whole bit about blaming anyone outside yourself.

My point is not that they are likely blameless, it's that that is irrelevant because as soon as you blame someone else, you've given up some of your power to solve the problem and/or move on. Always ask yourself in such situations, what did *I* do to create the situation and what might I do differently next time? If you take responsibility then you have maximized your ability to deal with the situation.

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

Thanks @strangerep, nice dose of reality. You are most certainly right. No, I would rather not live in Hong Kong lol

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

The only advice I can give you is to drop the whole bit about blaming anyone outside yourself

Hiya phinds :") This sentiment is very true and I've been trying to own up to it even though emotional me finds it hard sometimes lol.

I'm petty, a loser, a dumbass. Rather liberating to say, even though it sucks to have to be true

 

[phinds]

Hiya phinds :") This sentiment is very true and I've been trying to own up to it even though emotional me finds it hard sometimes lol.

Yes, it's tough to really internalize that but once you do it is surprisingly liberating

I'm petty, a loser, a dumbass. Rather liberating to say, even though it sucks to have to be true

Oh please. I remember you well and now you're just wallowing in self pity. You are no dumbass at all.

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

I remember you well and now you're just wallowing in self pity.

Yikes you caught me

 

[JBA]

Yikes you caught me

See, you are already improving!

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Welcome back! Never stop communicating and pushing through life's tough moments. We're all in this together!

 

[StatGuy2000]

@ProfuselyQuarky , I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing difficulties. I'm not someone who typically tends to give words of comfort online, as I find those words meaningless. What I can offer are some suggestions to try to resolve your current predicament.

You state that you are experiencing a relapse of a chronic health issue. First things first, before you can proceed to anything, you need to resolve your health issue first and foremost. Speak to your doctors about what options you have to effectively manage your condition.

Second, you mention that your GPA is poor, but you did not fail any courses at your community college. Does the school have an academic advisor you can speak to to address your concerns? Have you also thought about withdrawing from your current community college and re-applying to another school and retaking all courses?

You need to go through each and every one of the issues you are currently experiencing one by one, and see what steps you can take to resolve or improve your situation. Ultimately, that is the only thing that you can do to move forward.

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

You state that you are experiencing a relapse of a chronic health issue. First things first, before you can proceed to anything, you need to resolve your health issue first and foremost. Speak to your doctors about what options you have to effectively manage your condition.

Thanks for this, statguy. I avoided the doctor/hospital because the symptoms from the only effective medication they can offer are imo worse than what original problem is. It is, however, directly stress related so I know I have to learn how to minimize that.

Second, you mention that you're GPA is poor, but you did not fail any courses at your community college. Does the school have an academic advisor you can speak to to address your concerns? Have you also thought about withdrawing from your current community college and re-applying to another school and retaking all courses?

These courses are taken in a series and I took many of the prereqs during high school and last fall, and my grades were good. If I change schools, I'll have to retake those as well, since the district wants the entire series to be taken at the same school.

I will talk to a counselor this week.