Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #18,271
The executioner was sitting next to his guillotine one morning, getting ready for the days's work. A guy walked past and saw him making notes on a piece of paper.

"What's that?"

"My chopping list."
 
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  • #18,272
Bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

Don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.
 
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  • #18,273
concrete-stairs.jpg
 
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  • #18,274
jack action said:
If you ever wondered why obesity is becoming a societal issue …
 
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  • #18,275
1707487066398.jpeg
 
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  • #18,276
1707503475558.png
 
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  • #18,280
1000012195.png
 
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  • #18,281
FB_IMG_1707514129850.jpg
 
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  • #18,282
1707647905999.png
 
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  • #18,283
Orodruin said:
1707647905999-png.png
I don't know what all the fuss is about salads. I mean, it's not rocket science.
 
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  • #18,284
1707658855682.png
 
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  • #18,285
A certain day is around the corner. So here's a blast from the past (ancient meme).
FB_IMG_1707661743700.jpg
 
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  • #18,286
What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and gooey?

Bubble gum.
 
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  • #18,287
1707667059837.png
 
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  • #18,288
_nc_ohc=NomIWVqdStMAX--Zb6m&_nc_ht=scontent-muc2-1.jpg
 
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  • #18,289
1707684209159.png
 
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  • #18,290
1707691180691.png
 
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  • #18,292
Ibix said:
I heard of someone who got back to her desk to find a note asking her to call Jill Withergee at a company they did business with. She rang the company and asked for Jill Withergee, but got "no-one of that name here". After a bit of back-and-forth she eventually realised the message had been left by Gill, who spelt her name with a G.
Maybe it's easier to have a more distinctive " wither" last name. Not likely to have a confusion with the name ' Witherspoon'.
 
  • #18,294
WWGD said:
Maybe it's easier to have a more distinctive " wither" last name. Not likely to have a confusion with the name ' Witherspoon'.
What does Reese eat if she doesn't eat grease with her spoon?
 
  • #18,295
fresh_42 said:
What does Reese eat if she doesn't eat grease with her spoon?
The pieces. Reeses's pieces.
 
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  • #18,296
Screenshot 2024-02-12 at 9.00.19 AM.png
 
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  • #18,297
Baluncore said:
After consuming Amanita, it can take a week. After having the symptoms of a mild cold for two or three days, you get pretty hungry, especially on the 4th day when you feel much better. Just when you thought the illness was over, you enter three days of progressive liver, then multiple organ failure, and it is your life that is over.

Is there a faster acting toxic fungi than Amanita toxin ?
And still there are people who think i'ts a good idea to ingest them recreationally.
 
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  • #18,298
WWGD said:
The pieces. Reeses's pieces.
I immediately thought of a word that rhymes and starts with f....
 
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  • #18,299
sbrothy said:
I immediately thought of a word that rhymes and starts with f....
I was thinking of that too, somehow . Edit: When I ask for one, I say, with a 'p'.
 
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  • #18,300
At church yesterday, Gladys saw someone who looked like a newcomer.

"Hi, I'm Gladys Dunn."

"So am I! That was the longest sermon I've ever heard."
 
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  • #18,301
I was reading an obituary page today in the newspaper and noticed that everyone listed in this obituary had died in alphabetical order.
 
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  • #18,302
Bob Walance said:
I was reading an obituary page today in the newspaper and noticed that everyone listed in this obituary had died in alphabetical order.
Yes, the newspapers have deals with elderly people to do it that way.
 
  • #18,304
1707791968390.png
 
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  • #18,305
Automatic Barking System? :oldtongue:
 
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