Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #5,846
Q: Why do cows have hooves?

A: Because they lactose.
 
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Physics news on Phys.org
  • #5,847
86492163_n.jpg?_nc_cat=103&_nc_ht=scontent.fham1-1.jpg
 
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  • #5,848
A friend of mine pointed out that Berensheet crashed due to an incidence of sheer bad Lox.

Or to mis-quote an old old song from TV Comedy:

"If It Weren't fer Bad Lox I'd Have No Lox At All, Gloom, Despair and Agony on me..." (Google: Hee Haw, Television, Comedy)

Heck, Google should be paying me with all the traffic I redirect!
 
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  • #5,849
And Ibix, with the lame puns, as I pointed out earlier, the reason we come across so many of the Lame Puns is because all the good, healthy ones run away unless unique up on them carefully.
 
  • #5,850
765363712_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_ht=scontent-syd2-1.jpg
 
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  • #5,851
strangerep said:
About 2 secs -- it's easier if you say them aloud. :oldbiggrin:
Me too, about 2 secs. or less (referring to the "Pigs sell late " 'toon)
strangerep said:
Other way around for me. Liquid oxygen? LO? LO2? LOx... oh I get it...
Oy veh...
 
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  • #5,852
I was considering a career as a psychic, but I just didn't see a future in it
 
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  • #5,853
dad help.jpg
 
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  • #5,854
I had to return my "U2" navigation system...
I couldn't find what I was looking for, and none of the streets had any names.​
 
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  • #5,855
davenn said:
I was considering a career as a psychic, but I just didn't see a future in it
I bet you knew I was thinking of replying "I knew you'd say that", though.
 
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  • #5,856
I had always thought it would be cool to run a Psychic Pizza Delivery service. Some one calls in for a Large Double Pepperoni Pizza and the person answering picks up the phone with : " Hello Mr Jones, Your Large Size Double Pepperoni pizza is on it's way it should be" Ding Dong (doorbell) "There right now, that will be twenty seven fifty, and the delivery boy thanks you for the $7.50 tip, Have a great day and we will see you again June 18th!"
 
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  • #5,857
Steelwolf said:
I had always thought it would be cool to run a Psychic Pizza Delivery service.
I think this is on the list of "things that get you thrown off the Jedi Council", after "using your lightsaber to open beer" and "<hand gesture> I gave you a twenty". If not, it should be.
 
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  • #5,858
Instant delivery is a great advantage over other pizza services.
 
  • #5,859
I was going to tell a lame joke about paper, but I realized it was terrible.
 
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  • #5,860
davenn said:
I was considering a career as a psychic, but I just didn't see a future in it
I was knocking at the door of a psychic.
He shouted: "Who's there?"
I turned away and left.
 
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  • #5,862
Even more? Is one third the surface of Earth not enough?
 
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  • #5,863
mfb said:
Even more? Is one third the surface of Earth not enough?
He's being pacific-aggressive.
 
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  • #5,864
27108608_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&_nc_ht=scontent.fmuc3-1.jpg
 
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  • #5,865
Sure does.
I wish I had checked the oil level before driving on vacation.
I wish I had a jug of oil in the trunk.
I wish I wasn't a hundred miles from nowhere.
:H
 
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  • #5,866
fresh_42 said:
Q: Why do cows have hooves?

A: Because they lactose.
Reminds me
Why do humming birds hum?

Cuz they don't know the words.
 
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  • #5,867
Why should you never tell secrets on a farm?

Because corn has ears, potatoes have eyes, and beanstalk.
 
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  • #5,868
Here's one
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you're built upside down.
 
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  • #5,869
Why do elephants paint their feet yellow?

So they can hide upside down in custard.
 
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  • #5,870
Grim Reaper.jpg
 
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  • #5,871
Ibix said:
Why do elephants paint their feet yellow?
So they can hide upside down in custard.
Oh jeez, that takes me back to my childhood. What an ancient joke.

Of similar vintage:

Why do elephants paint their toes red?

So they can't be seen when they're hiding in a strawberry patch. o0)

More recent:

What did the female elephant say to the naked man?

Well,... I guess it's kinda cute,... but can you actually breathe through that??
 
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  • #5,872
strangerep said:
What did the female elephant say to the naked man?
I know it as: "And with that you want to eat?"
 
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  • #5,873
strangerep said:
Why do elephants paint their toes red?

So they can't be seen when they're hiding in a strawberry patch. o0)
Have you ever seen an elephant in strawberry patch?

No? Then that shows how effective it is.
By the way, in the version I heard as a child, it wasn't a strawberry patch, it was a cherry tree.
 
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  • #5,876
63553024_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_ht=scontent.fham1-1.jpg
 
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  • #5,877
Did you know phones like to take cellfies?

F1E5EDA6-19AB-4D6A-8723-C201F7872525.jpeg
 
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  • #5,878
  • #5,879
People that don't have the confidence to take a picture of themselves in a sauna...
most likely have selfie steam issues...
 
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  • #5,880
809100288_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_ht=scontent-syd2-1.jpg
 
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