Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced.

There’s a lovely key change at the end​

 

[davenn]

​

 

[jack action]

How would you write a C program to prevent Titanic from sinking?

float Titanic;

 

[davenn]

Welcome to the AA meeting.​

​

 

[davenn]

A Paris art museum is in Dire Straits-
thieves got Monet for nothing.
​

 

[Ibix]

Two aliens are sitting in a pub. One turns to the other and says "arg lagrbl bfzzz." The other looks at him and says "Mate, you really are drunk."

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

​

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 245380​

That one was not obvious!

Spoiler

Mile-high club

 

[Borg]

That one was not obvious!

Spoiler

Mile-high club

At least he didn't convert to meters.

 

[davenn]

​

 

[davenn]

 

[256bits]

I have seen that one with dragons. First time with lions.

 

[Steelwolf]

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you are prepared for the reaper cushions!

 

[Ibix]

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you are prepared for the reaper cushions!

Works best in a Scouse accent.

 

[davenn]

 

[Steelwolf]

While there has been news of the first recording of a Right Whale putting together a song, an ancient 'wax-tube' scroll recording has been found of none other than the famous Moby Dick. While I cannot put the tune of it here, the notes being so deep, I can give the translated wording of the surviving fragments:

"...I don't know why they Took my Lady,
Ahab knows, but He Won't Say!
I Don't Like it but I Guess Humans Harpoon that Way!

BaDoop BaDoop, BaDoop BaDoop..."

(With apologies to Johnny Cash)

 

[jtbell]

What's the downside of being a world champion planker and holding that position for hours?

You get bored stiff.

 

[Ibix]

Or board stiff.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nuuskur]

The stars outside of our solar system are light years away. No wonder it takes so long for wishes to come true.

 

[Ibix]

From the same source as the chromosomes blackboard above, via Google:

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.

 

[Ibix]

Also - the three unwritten rules of life:

 

[fresh_42]

Stuntman on tv: Do not do this at home!
Me, wrapped in the blankie, hands in the chips bag: ok.

 

[fresh_42]

There are a few things which undermine my competence. Questions, for example.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[davenn]

​

 

[Steelwolf]

Can they Bench you for Planking on the field? And if they Do bench you, it is possible to end up sat on.

 

[*now*]

(Davenn's joke was very mature if not a little cheesy)

 

[fresh_42]

My dog has heard that some owners feed their dogs vegan. Since twenty minutes I fan him with a steak now.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

Fright in a bright light from the right. It was quite a sight.