Collection of Lame Jokes

[Steelwolf]

View attachment 245723

Not sure, but it was never I-Ching the Yen

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I'm not joking.

 

[Klystron]

Noted cartoonist proves past knowledge of future information:
https://www.gocomics.com/thefuscobrothers/1998/02/21

(Skirting bans on political humor...)

 

[WWGD]

Interesting network name: It only hurts when IP

 

[fresh_42]

Interesting network name: It only hurts when IP

I wonder whether I should name my router: FBI Surveillance Truck.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

When I was young, the Dead Sea was only sick.

 

[DrGreg]

When I was young, the Dead Sea was only sick.

Was that the Hepatitis Sea? (This one works better when spoken rather than written.)

 

[WWGD]

Was that the Hepatitis Sea? (This one works better when spoken rather than written.)

When I step outside of PF I am on to the web's Idio Sea.

 

[jack action]

 

[Steelwolf]

But, as the dog on the right can tell you, you lose a LOT when you go and digitalise an analogue system!

Especially at that much lower pixel rate, I mean, that is a ton of bits and bytes left out from the original via digitalization.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Swamp Thing]

A lame man limps into a bar.
"Heard the one about ...", he begins.
"Hold it right there", the barkeeper yells. "No lame jokes allowed in here".

 

[256bits]

Geez, that sets up these oldies,
Disclaimer: No animals or people have been hurt or maltreated through the production of these really lame jokes.

What do you call a person with no arms and no legs who falls into the ocean?

Spoiler

"Boy"

and this one,
A kid with no arms and no legs falls into the sea. What's his name?

Spoiler

"Bob"

And ,
How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?

Spoiler

"Wave at him"

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

In memory of MAD magazine, from their spoof of Star Trek (Star Blecch):

"Where are the bathrooms on this ship?" [the starship Boobyprize]
"There aren't any. You'll just have to go where no man has gone before."

 

[jtbell]

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure.

"Yes, I have been diving often. What are we talking about, 4-5 bar?"

 

[davenn]

"Yes, I have been diving often. What are we talking about, 4-5 bar?"

Always wanted to try scuba diving ... never ever did get there

some good snorkelling on the Australian Great Barrier Reef is about the best ...
ohhh and some helmet diving in the Philippines

 

[davenn]

hahaha cracked me up

 

[davenn]

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? ….
Beer nuts are $2.49 Deer nuts are under a buck.

 

[Ibix]

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? ….
Beer nuts are $2.49 Deer nuts are under a buck.

So beer nuts are dear nuts and deer nuts are not dear nuts?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

​

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the guy who went on a trip and liked his hotel so much he decided to Marriott?

And then he ran off with Ruby Tuesday next door.

 

[fresh_42]

Infertility is hereditary.

If your parents did not have children, you will not get any either.

 

[BillTre]

Infertility is hereditary.

If your parents did not have children, you will not get any either.

Which leads to the following:
You (each living entity actually) come from a long line of reproducers, going back to the beginning of life (which is a pretty impressive string of reproductive success).

 

[fresh_42]

I find it even more impressive, that it seems we all come down to a couple of families, i.e. went through an enormous genetic bottleneck. It makes the appearance of nowadays humanity with all this racism in the world pretty ridiculous.

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

I had trouble spelling that word for a long time because of that.

 

[Steelwolf]

@fresh_42 Your Zuckerberg joke reminds me of the message I left on the answering machine years ago in that perfect deep, half-snarky tone with the Caps Actually Voiced:

"Hello My Friend, Welcome to The Machine; Control Number 555-5555. Please leave your Name and Identification Number at the Tone, and Remember: The Computer is Your Friend!"

I had people calling me to hear my message, not to actually talk to me! It was a Hoot!

 

[nuuskur]

If your parents did not have children..

I'm already conflicted with this bit