So, I’ve talked to most of my friends about this, but since all of their solutions involve excess drinking and random hookups in attempt to forget about this guy, I've decided to turn to what I hope is a more logical and mature group of individuals! Also, the fact that I am currently procrastinating on a paper due tomorrow morning may or may not affect my willingness to spend time on the internet. So here goes! Oh, also, I apologize in advance if this is long and excessive, but I can’t help it, it’s in my nature to be wordy. ;] I am a Junior at a large, public university who has basically spent the entire quarter in love with my Physics TA. What is a Creative Writing major doing taking a physics class, you ask? It's to fulfill a science GE requirement that everybody has to take, and in picking between geology, biology, and physics, I went with physics. MISTAKE. I'm a complete disaster at math (read: I had issues with estimation as a small child), and while this class is essentially dumb-humanities-people physics, I've been struggling with even the basic problems we've been assigned, much to the amusement of all of my engineering friends with whom I've been trading paper editing in exchange for homework help. Anyway, so this class is awful, taught by a little, accented man who is abysmal at conveying class concepts, and even worse at acknowledging that he may be difficult to learn from. After this, I've vowed to donate my graphing calculator, and never step foot near the science buildings again. The homework is incomprehensible. This class is at 8 AM three days a week. And yet...this class is without a doubt, my favorite class this year. I have never been more attentive and presentable at 8 in the morning in my life, even though I get back to my apartment and immediately go back to sleep until 3 when the rest of my classes are. I’m really not myself - all of my writing has taken on a strange, sci-fi/romance twist, I find myself browsing physics forums, and I am going to be absolutely miserable when I no longer have to struggle over velocity and the impossibility of special relativity. Why? My TA. He's a grad student, whom I believe is going to start work on his post-doc next year. He is, without a doubt, the most intelligent and patient person I have ever met in my life. He is the best listener I've encountered since my kindergarten teacher, and when I ask him questions, he nods thoughtfully, and looks at me with these warm, brown eyes that I can't stop thinking about. When I feel like an idiot for not understanding the most basic of math concepts, he sort of half-smiles at my ridiculous attempts, and then just with a good-natured grin, kindly explains what I'm doing wrong. He does the most endearing things. In the discussion section he leads, he likes to go off-topic about the scientific community, and it was honestly the CUTEST thing when somebody provoked him about particle physics and he went off on this long, animated tangent about sensationalism and trivialization of science in the media. I can’t help myself, but I love the way he puts his hand on his chin and goes, "Humm" before he answers a tough question. He's really nerdy, fairly shy, and not physically attractive by any means. He wears glasses. He's pale. His jeans don't fit him. He wears running shoes as everyday footwear. To my count, he alternates between a grand total of 4 nearly-identical t-shirts. And yet, when he explains math, or does problems on the board, or starts doing any damn kind of physics, I can’t help it, I sit there and get really, really, really turned on, and ALL I can think about for the entire class is how best to JUMP HIM and do him by the chalkboard. I am so ridiculously frustrated I can’t even begin to describe it. I’ve been talking a lot with him after class, but I’m trying to be reasonable and not delude myself. He’s got a PhD in theoretical physics while I’m a Creative Writing UNDERGRAD. While I’m a scholarship student/honors program and all that, there is just no way I would never be able to understand what he’s working on. I even made the mistake of mentioning that I’m in a sorority, which you can bet I’m kicking myself for, because great! Like he needs another reason to view me as a stupid, vapid moron. Basically, this sucks. I can’t stop thinking about him, and yet I can’t really flirt with him, lest he think I’m just after a better grade (which I’m not btw, grades have zero impact on the profession I’ve chosen to enter, and actually, our advisors have told us not to put our GPAs on our resumes as it doesn’t make the slightest difference to employers). I’d even do the whole email-him-after-finals thing, but I just feel really disheartened. It would be the smart thing to do to forget all about him, and just try and be content with boys my own age. But I am so sick of frat boys, and this guy is thoughtful, and funny, and simply…wonderful. Sigh. Where’s that tequila after all?!